Volume 159 — THE ROMANCE OF ADVERTISEMENT.
Reading edition
The following items, culled from recent issues of The Daily Lure, show where you should go to find really interesting, stimulating and flat-catching notices:—
Partner, with not less than five thousand pounds, wanted for a wild-duck farm in the island of Mull. Must be a man of iron constitution; Gaelic speaker and teetotaler preferred.
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Wanted, a cheap Desert Island, with a good water-supply and home comforts, by a Georgian poet weary of the racket of Hammersmith.
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Complete suits of armour, guaranteed bottle-proof, ten guineas each, suitable for elderly pedestrians in charabanc areas.
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Madame Bogolubov, Crystal-gazer in ordinary to the ex-King Constantine, is prepared for a small fee to advise intending explorers, prospectors or treasure-seekers as to suitable spots for excavation, oil-boring, etc.
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Disused Martello Tower on the Irish coast, fifty miles from a police barrack, offered cheap as an appropriate basis of observation to psychic enthusiasts anxious to study the ways of leprechauns, banshees, etc.
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Genuine portraits by Van Dyck, Velasquez and Rembrandt must be sold immediately to pay a debt of honour. Price thirty shillings each, or would take part payment in pre-war whisky.
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Semi-paralysed Yugo-Slav professor, speaking seventeen languages, will give lessons to neo-plutocrats in the correct pronunciation of the names of all the foreign singers, dancers and artists performing or exhibiting in London.
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Persons interested in edible fungi may be glad to take shares in a fungus plantation about to be started in the neighbourhood of Toller Porcorum, Dorchester.
THE RETURN OF THE COLONEL.
House, the enigmatic Colonel, Wilson's right-hand man in France When the President was leading Peace's great Parisian dance, Once again returns to Europe as a journalist free-lance. He's a most sagacious person, indisposed to carp or grouse, So we hope he'll be successful, aided by his tact and nous, In upholding Mr. Wilson, not in bringing down the House.
The Ubiquitous Scot.
From The Times' summary of news:—
"Our Constantinople correspondent, in a message reviewing the situation in Armenia, states that the Armenians have captured the ancient town of Nakhitchevan, where a Tartan Government had been set up."
Small wonder that, people complain that no place is safe from Scotland's activities. Meanwhile there seems a likelihood of a Tarzan Government being set up in the film world.
From Mrs. Asquith's reminiscences:
"One day after this conversation he [the late Lord Salisbury] came to see me in Cavendish Square, bringing with him a signed photograph of himself. This was in the year 1904, at the height of the controversy over Protection."—Sunday Times.
As Lord Salisbury is generally supposed to have died in 1903, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle has been requested to investigate the incident.