Volume 156 — THE LETTERS THAT COUNT.
Reading edition
["Meanwhile one sighs for the letters which do not exist."—C.K.S., in "The Sphere."]
I never have felt any hunger, Apart from my shortage of gold, For the spoils of the autograph-monger, The screeds of the sages of old; By envy unvexed and unsmitten I study the connoisseur's list, But I sigh for the letters unwritten, Or those that no longer exist. The notes, for example, that Hector Despatched to his Andromache, When, tied to a troublesome sector, He couldn't get home to his tea; Or the messages CÆSAR kept sending To pacify QUEEN CLEOPAT, When, simply from fear of offending The mob, he avoided her flat. But even more impetus giving, More apt to inspire and refresh, Are the letters addressed to the living By writers no more in the flesh— The epistles to WILCOX from SHELLEY, From LANDOR to Mrs. JOHN LANE, From SWIFT to Miss MARIE CORELLI, From POPE to Sir THOMAS HALL CAINE; The instructions to NORTHCLIFFE from BONEY, The comments of SHAKSPEARE on SHAW, COLUMBUS'S hints to MARCONI, TOM HUGHES'S to young ALEC WAUGH, Or a letter to cheer her supporter In CHARLOTTE'S own delicate fist, Enclosing her photo to SHORTER— A letter which does not exist. For relics of this sort I hanker, For these, when they're offered for sale, I will beg overdrafts from my banker And bid on a liberal scale; For the arts of the DOYLES and the LODGES Are bound to contribute new grist To SOTHEBY'S mills and to HODGE'S In the letters which do not exist.
An Aid to Genuflexion.
"The Rev. ——, minister of —— U.F. Church, was yesterday presented with pulpit robes, hassock, hood and cap by his congregation."—Scotch Paper.
"Schools of cokery are being 'snowed' under with applications,"—Evening Paper.
We ourselves call almost every day to ask for more cokery.
Employer (who has given his foreman a ticket for Pianoforte Recital). "AND HOW DID YOU ENJOY THE MUSIC LAST NIGHT?"
Foreman. "I WAS A BIT DISAPPOINTED, SIR. 'E WASN'T 'ARF AS GOOD AS MY YOUNG FLORRIE. WHY, 'E PLAYED THERE FOR CLOSE ON TWO HOURS, AND NEVER ONCE CROSSED 'IS 'ANDS."