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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, October 1, 1892

Volume 103 — EXAMINATION PAPER FOR A PRESS CANDIDATE.

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(With a View to Carrying out the Suggestion of the Institute of Journalists.)

1. What are the principal duties of an Editor? State what you would do if you were visited by bores of the following kinds:—(1), a friend; (2), an enemy; (3), a proprietor.

2. Show how a political article may be written, saying as little as possible in the greatest amount of space? Give specimens of "writing round a subject" without offending susceptibilities.

3. What are the duties of a Dramatic Critic? Show, by a specimen article, how a critique of a bad play, indifferently performed, can yet be made to give satisfaction to the Author, the Manager, the Company, and the Public?

4. What are the duties of a Special Correspondent at a Seat of War? Give a short descriptive article of a battle written in such a manner that the readers of your paper may learn everything without your getting shot as a spy, or drummed out of camp as an informer.

5. What are the duties of a Reviewer? Describe the process of log-rolling, and give specimen of notices of books:—(1), when the Author is your friend, but you object to the Publisher; (2), when you hate the writer, but must not offend the gentleman whose name appears as the distributor, and (3), when you know nothing of the volume and its producer, but suspect that the Author reviews for another periodical, and that you may possibly get an order from his literary introducer.

6. What are the duties of a Musical Critic? Show how it is feasible to write a most scientific notice without being able to distinguish the National Anthem, MASCAGNI's "Intermezzo," or "The Wedding March," from "The Slue Bells of Scotland."

7. Distinguish the difference between "Our Own Commissioner" and "Our Own Correspondent," and "Our Special Reporter" and "An Occasional Contributor." Give the rates of remuneration (if any) attaching to each office.

8. What is "City Intelligence?" Is it affected by the rise and fall of the advertisement columns? State the difference between "News Specially Communicated" and a puff paragraph.

9. Give the statistics (if you are able) of the number of aspirants to Journalism who have risen and fallen. Show that a small certainty in the City is better than an occasional ten-pound note earned in Fleet Street.

10. Write an essay upon the subject that Journalism is better as a stick than a crutch, and show that it is useless to take up your pen if you have not already provided (from other sources) for the payment of your butcher's book.

TO FOOTBALL.

Farewell to thee, Cricket, Thy last match is o'er; Thy bat, ball, and wicket, Are needed no more. To thy sister we turn, For her coming we pray: Her worshippers burn For the heat of the fray. Hail! Goddess of battle, Yet hated of Ma(r)s, How ceaseless their tattle Of tumbles and scars! Such warnings are vain, For thy rites we prepare, Youth is yearning again In thy perils to share. Broken limbs and black eyes, May, perchance, be our lot; But grant goals and ties And we care not a jot. Too sacred to name With thy posts, ball, and field, There is no winter game To which thou canst yield.

NEW TRANSLATION—"VERY CHOICE ITALIAN,"—"Sotto voce;" i.e., in a drunken tone of voice.

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