"PLACE AUX DAMES!"
Reading edition
[Following the brilliant success of Miss Fawcett at Cambridge, Mlle. Belcesco, a Roumanian lady, took her degree to-day as Docteur en Droit. Like Miss Fawcett, she obtained the highest place at the examination for the Licentiate's Degree, and her success was not less brilliant at the examination for the Doctor's Degree.—"Daily News" Paris Correspondent.]
"SENIORA FAWCETT."
So to be entitled henceforth, as she is Seniorer to the Senior Wrangler.
To Seniora Fawcett, The Wranglers yield first place; And now, first of the Law set, One of another race, Beauty, Brunette, Roumanian, From man takes top Degree! In learning's race Melanion Is beaten, one can see, By the new Atalanta; At Law School or Sorbonne, As at our native Granta, The girls the prize have won. Bravo, brunette Belcesco! Some limner ought to draw A quasi-classic fresco, O Lady of the Law! O Mathematic Maiden! And show the pretty pair With Learning's trophies laden And manhood in a scare. Ah, Portia of Paris! Urania of the Cam! Punch, whose especial care is To sever truth from sham, Is no great Woman's-Rightist, But this is not clap-trap; Of pundits the politest, To you he lifts his cap! Docteur en Droit, Punch watches Miss Fawcett by the Cam; To you she quick despatches A friendly telegram. He, friend of all the Nations, Of Woman as of Man, Adds his "felicitations." Well done, Roumanian!!!
WEEK BY WEEK.
The prevalence of wet weather has had a painful effect on the aspect of the metropolitan streets. We do not refer so much to their having been universally inundated with rain, but rather to the absence from them of those pretty dresses in which it is customary for ladies to disport themselves during sunny weather. For instance, it was calculated the other day by a well-known wrangler, that if the tangential surface of a Bond Street pavement be represented by the formula:
x(π + ynth) = y + x - π⁄x,
the decrease in the number of pedestrians appearing on a wet day may be set down as 18426 1⁄52.
A Correspondent calls our attention to the prevalence of green on the various trees of the Metropolis. "This phenomenon," he observes, "is noticeable in May and early June every year. Some trees are greener than others, whilst others scarcely come up to the standard of leafy verdure displayed by their fellows. Taking the trees in the Park and arranging them in the inverse ratio of their distances at rectangular intervals from the common centre of their growth, it will be found that the surface area of a Plane-tree is equal to exactly five hundred times the cubic capacity of a gooseberry bush, measured from a point on its inner circumference."
Miss Robinson, Mrs. Touche-Arming, and Lady Cordelia Crossbit, were photographed yesterday. We hear that excellent likenesses of these brilliant ornaments of the Upper Ten have been secured.
The wonderful tameness and docility of the three African lions now going through their daily performance at the French Exhibition at Earl's Court, have astonished no less than pleased all who have witnessed them, but it is not generally known, that their obedient condition is due to their diet. This has for some time consisted of a well-known infant's and invalid's food, washed down with copious draughts of a widely advertised patent medicine that claims to act as "a special brain and nerve tonic," and it is this last that it is said is responsible for the quenching of the natural ferocity and utter prostration of spirit which enables their talented trainer, together with the watchful attentions of a highly intelligent boar-hound, to put them through a series of playful and innocent tricks, hitherto associated rather with the entertaining efforts of the skilled and educated guinea-pig than with the masterly ferocity of the monarch of the desert. [Oh yes! We're not going to allow an advertisement to be sneaked in like this. But as we required a paragraph to fill up space, here it is, with name and address of Infant's Food provider omitted! Aha!—Ed.]
A WHITE SLAVE.
[Miss Harker took service as a day governess in a family at Stockton, at a salary of 25s. a month, coupled with the privilege of dining in the house. She found herself under the necessity of taking a lodging, the rent for which more than absorbed her modest stipend. She taught three children English and music. Afterwards a couple of infants were placed in her charge. Nor was this all, for when the servants left, the new governess had "to cook the dinner, wash the dishes, and clean the knives." After this she asked for a holiday, the result being that "she was shown the door." Thereupon she brought an action in the County Court for a month's salary in lieu of notice. Judgment for plantiff with costs, payable forthwith.
—Daily News, June 12.]
Poor Miss Harker went to Stockton, to Stockton on the Tees, But not to make her fortune, or to loll at home at ease; She went to be a governess, and hoped, it would appear, To board and lodge and dress herself on £15 a-year. A lady once informed us how a lady can be dressed As a lady all for £15, and in her very best; But she never would have ventured to include in her account The lodgings and the breakfasts too for this immense amount. Now life may be a river, as Pactolus was of old, Which brings you lots of water to a minimum of gold, But sometimes it were better, when the water sinks so low That it fails to turn your mill-wheel, if the river ceased to flow. So all day long with urchins three Miss Harker toiled in chains, And she poured the oil of learning well upon their rusty brains, And she practised them in music, and she polished up their sense With the adverbs and the adjectives, and verbs in mood and tense. And they said, "She's doing nicely, we will give her something more (Not of money, but of labour) ere we show her to the door, Why, we've got two baby children, it is really only fair That Miss Harker should look after them, and wash and dress the pair. "And, Miss Harker, it will save us such a lot of trouble too, If, when our servants leave us, they can leave their work to you. So you'll please to cook our dinner, let your motto be Ich Dien, (No, no, you needn't thank us) and you'll keep our dishes clean. "And, of course, you'll do it daily—what was that you dared to say? You would like to rest a week or so, and want a holiday? Who ever heard such nonsense? Well, there's one thing we can show, Not politeness, but the door to you—Miss H. you'd better go." So she went, but brought her action, and I'm thankful to relate That when the case was argued she hadn't long to wait. "Costs and judgment for the plaintiff, the defendants' case is fudge, Pay her monthly wage, she's earned it and deserves it," said the Judge. There be Englishmen in England, sleek men, and women too, Who tie their purse-strings tighter than tradition's grasping Jew. What care they for fellow-feeling, who for profit try to lure Fellow creatures to their grindstone for the faces of the poor? And they set some wretched slave to work her fingers to the bone, Then sullenly deny her bread, or give at best a stone; And after she has grubbed and scrubbed, they insolently sneer At one who dares to ask for rest on £15 a-year.
"IF YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH, ASK A P'LICEMAN!"
As Sung by the Not-quite-at-Home Secretary in his Unpopular Entertainment.
Why did Monro resign? Was it any fault of Mine? If you want to know the Truth— Ask the P'liceman!