Volume 158 — DORA AT THE PLAY.
Reading edition
["You cannot buy a cigarette, or an ice, or a box of chocolates in a theatre after eight o'clock—by order of D.O.R.A."—Advt. passim.]
Attentive swain, whose lady has commanded you to be at her Disposal as an escort on a visit to the theatre, I give you precious doctrine that is certainly worth sticking to, At least as long as Dora is alive on earth and kicking too. If you would keep your fair companion satisfied and cheery, some Provision must be made to fill the intervals so wearisome, For many a gallant fellow has discovered with a shock o' late That after 8 p.m. it's still a crime to sell a chocolate. Though you may haunt the bar till ten and confidently mutter "Scotch," She may not even clamour for a humble slab of butterscotch, And should the heat suggest an ice—may I be rolled out flat if I Distort the truth—it's courting gaol that harmless wish to gratify. As for yourself, if you should yearn for blest tobacco's medium In those long waits between the Acts to while away the tedium, And find you're out of cigarettes, remember that to sell any A minute past the fatal hour is counted as a felony. Unless the pair of you affect the life ascetic, you'll Be well advised to carry in a hamper or a reticule A goodly store of provender, both smokeable and eatable, For Dora's in the saddle yet and seemingly unseatable.
Broody.
"Will the Imperial Government hen proceed to a new conquest of Southern Ireland?"—Daily Paper.
No, we expect it will be left sitting.
"HIDDEN MUMMIES.
The Museum authorities are receiving numerous inquiries when the mummies will be on view, particularly for school children."—Daily Paper.
We hope that the N.S.P.C.C. will see to it that all mummies are allowed to return to their families without further delay.
MANNERS AND MODES.
THEN AND NOW.
[From an Early-Victorian pocket "Etiquette for Gentlemen":—"If you so far forget what is elegant as to smoke in the street or park, at least never omit to fling away your cigar if you speak to a lady."]
BEHIND THE SCENES IN CINEMA-LAND.
IT IS A TERRIBLE MOMENT FOR THE FILM ACTOR WHEN HE REALISES THAT HE IS GETTING TOO FAT TO PLAY HERO, AND NOT FAT ENOUGH TO BE FUNNY.