Volume 158 — SONGS OF THE HOME.
Reading edition
III.—THE GUEST. I have a friend; his name is John; He's nothing much to dote upon, But, on the whole, a pleasant soul And, like myself, no paragon. I have a house, and, then again, An extra room to take a guest; And in my house I have a spouse. It's good for me; I don't protest. By her is every virtue taught; Man does as he is told, and ought; He has to eat his own conceit, So, "Just the place for John!" I thought. The unsuspecting guest arrives; But (note the worthlessness of wives) Does he endure the kill-or-cure Refining process? No, he thrives. He's led to think that he has got The very virtues I have not; Her every phrase is subtle praise And oh! how he absorbs the lot. She finds his wisdom full of wit And listens to no end of it; And if he dash tobacco-ash On carpets doesn't mind a bit. All that the human frame requires, From flattery to bedroom fires, Is his; and I must self-deny To satisfy his least desires. I have a friend; his name is John; I tell him he is "getting on" And "growing fat," and things like that.... He pays no heed. He's too far gone. Henry.
"Pupils wanted for Pianoforte and Theory.—J.G. Peat, Dyer and Cleaner."—New Zealand Herald.
"That strain again! It had a dying fall."—Twelfth Night, Act I., Sc. 1, 4.
"The lowest grade of porter is the grade from which railway employees in the traffic departments gravitate to higher positions."—Daily Paper.
The Einstein theory is beginning to capture our journalists.
There was a Society Sinner Who no longer was asked out to dinner; This proof of his guilt So caused him to wilt That he's now emigrated to Pinner.
MORE ADVENTURES OF A POST-WAR SPORTSMAN.
Post-War Sportsman."Wot's the matter?"
Mrs. P.-W.S."When I want him to jump the fence he just stops and eats it. What am I to do?"
P.-W.S. "Come along wi' me, my dear; I'll show you. 'E can't eat a gate."