Volume 147 — TOURS IN FACT AND FANCY.
Reading edition
Tell me not of Western Islands Or some bonnie loch or ben Of those hustled haunts, the Highlands; I'm not going there again. Cease from cackling so cocksurely Of some heavenly woodland dell Where the pipes of Pan blow purely; I have sampled these as well. Do not harp upon your hollow Tales of Somewhere-by-the-Sea Patronised by Ph. Apollo; 'Tisn't good enough for me. No, nor urge me, friend, to hasten To your "cloudless alien climes," Hungering for my Fleece like Jason— I've been fleeced there many times. No, not one of your romances Can, I say, provide a lure; Not one spot on earth's expanses For my ailment find a cure. Others may enjoy each jolly day Somewhere with their hard-earned pelf; But, for me, I want a holiday From my super-silly self.
The Nut.
From a story in Munsey's Magazine:
"My father was a clergyman in a college community; and that explains my home in a nutshell."
It doesn't. The father should have been a vegetarian in a Garden City community.
"Captain Roald Amundsen has qualified for his pilot's certificate at the military camp near Christiania. An officer of the Flying Corps first took him for a preliminary flight round the course, showing him what tests were required. Suddenly the elevator broke and the aeroplane fell nose downwards to the ground 40 feet below. Captain Amundsen escaped unhurt."—South Wales Echo.
So he got through the first test all right.
"SMALL SURREY SCORE.
"Only Hayes and Hitch Shine At Northampton."
Westminster Gazette.
Surrey should have been at home, where Hayes and Hitch would have found an excellent third in Old Sol, who shone at his best.
"Clacton.—A Lady would be glad to hear of anyone wishing to Join House-Party from August 14th to September 10th. Minute from sea and ten golf links."—Advt. in "Times."
Personally we find that, at our usual rate of divot-removing, five golf-links will last us a month. Ten is an unnecessary extravagance.
Polite little boy (suffering from repletion). "Oh, please Miss, don't ask me to have any more; I can't say no."