THE PRIVILEGE OF THE PRESS.
Reading edition
Scene—Anywhere. Present, Brown and Jones.
Brown (perusing paper). Capital speech of Arthur J. Balfour at the Newspaper Society's Dinner the other evening. His compliments to the Press were in every way deserved.
Jones (also reading a journal). Quite so. I am glad to see that the admirable publication I am now devouring objects to gambling in all its branches.
Brown. So does this. There is an excellent leader on the fourth page exposing the scandals of the Stock Exchange.
Jones. And here I find on page two a most earnest attack upon the abuses of the turf.
Brown. Such intelligent comments should do a world of good.
Jones. I am sure of it. I know, speaking for myself, I feel much better after perusing a column that might have supplied the pabulum of a sermon.
Brown. Just my case. It really strengthens one's moral perceptions to come across such noble sentiments. Well, as we have both read the leaders, let us exchange papers.
Jones. With pleasure, only I want just to glance at the latest odds. This journal gives the latest information on all matters connected with racing and the turf generally.
Brown. Just so, that is why I wanted to read it. Well, I must fill up the time by looking at the money article. Commend me to the city editor of this favourite production when you want to have a gentle flutter!
"Key-notes."—In anticipation of H.R.H. the Prince of Wales visiting the Isle of Man later in the year, though at present
The Prince of Wales declines, with thanks, The invitation sent from Manx,
the House of Keys has put every quay on the bunch at His Royal Highness's disposal for landing.
Flower Shows and City Business.—"Preference Stocks. Chatham Seconds Rose." What a sweet combination of colour and scent per scent!
EXPECTEDNESS.
"Inevitable" is the new cant phrase, and certain phrases are inevitable, it would seem.
It is inevitable, if you should happen to beg the pardon of one of the lower middle class, that he (or more generally she) will reply with "Granted!"
It is inevitable, if you converse with a young Oxonian of immature intellect, that he will murder the Queen's, or (as he would call it) Quagger's, English by some such expression as "What a beastly sensagger!" or invite you to "stagger for the dagger" (i.e. stay for the day). But competent authorities are inclined to think that this laborious form of undergraduate wit, or "wagger," is doomed to speedy "extigger."
It is inevitable that the would-be smart business person, when inditing a circular or club notice, will say, "Forward same," or, "I inclose same," instead of "it," whatever it may happen to be.
It is inevitable that, when 'Arry wishes to be familiarly polite at parting, he will take his leave with "So long."
It is inevitable that, when a young City man desires to express his disapproval of any individual or thing, he will dismiss it as "no class."
It is inevitable, if you make any surprising or absurd statement to a Yankee, that his comment thereon will be, "Is that so!"
It is inevitable, if you meet an actor "resting" in the Strand, that he will ask you to "Name it," and you will proceed to do so (possibly at your own expense) at one or more of the excellent drinking-bars in that locality.
A YORKSHIRE GOSSIP.
First Gossip. "So you was nivver axed tut Funeral?"
Second Gossip. "Nivver as much as inside t'house. But nobbut wait till we hev' a Funeral of us own, an' we'll show 'em!"
A-DRESS BY MR. SPEAKER.
["Certain Members object to attending the Speaker's dinner or levées in full dress."]
Mr. Speaker.
"Oh, ye must walk in silk attire, And swords and buckles wear, Gin ye wad come to dine wi' me, Or tend my levées mair."
The Members.
"Oh, what's to us your silken show, And swords and buckles smart?— And if you still insist upon 't, Then you and we must part!"
Mr. Speaker.
"Then ye shall come in what attire It suits ye best to wear, Gin ye 'll consent to mind the Whip, Nor plague the Party mair."
Worthy Object.—It is encouraging to hear of a "Mission to Deep Sea Fishermen." The deeper the sea-fishermen are, the more necessary is the mission. These Deep Sea-Fishermen are generally supposed to be able to look after their own soles; but now they will receive aid in their work. As the Bishop of Liverpool is a prominent patron of this good work, it may be taken for granted that most of these deep 'uns are fishermen in his Lordship's See.
An Acquittal.—With what a sense of relief does a bon vivant who has been brought up by Corporal Ailment before the Doctor's Court Martial hear the verdict of "Not Gouty!"