THE NEW CONDUCTOR.
Reading edition
["You have been elected by a majority of the House. You are the representative of the whole House."—Report of the Right Hon. Arthur Balfour's speech on the election of Mr. Gully as Speaker.]
Mr. Punch to Mr. Speaker.
If the Second Fiddle's satisfied, you're all right with the First! The Harp may heed your bâton, and as for the Big Drum, When it booms out on the night with a loud sonorous burst, That makes the whole proscenium shake and hum; What matter if the clatter, and the bang and bump and batter, Keep but time? If they're docile to your nod, and obedient to your rod, The New Conductor's post will be prime! The Orchestra has doubtless been a little bit at odds, And what should bring forth harmony has fallen into row; But, good gracious! there were shines sometimes among the Olympian gods, And the noisy ones look milk and honey now. The brazen and the windy both outdid Wagnerian shindy, For a while; Now there's calm at wings and middle, and even the First Fiddle Veils his virtuous indignation with a smile: The tutti did go wrong, all the parts appeared at strife, They liked the Old Conductor, were in doubt about the New; And Wh-tbr-d's tootling piccolo, and Wh-rt-n's wry-neck'd fife, Went decidedly a little bit askew. But, in spite of blare and blether, they're now going well together, String and reed, Parchment, and wood, and brass; and it yet may come to pass That the New Conductor's début will succeed. The Old Conductor's style was perfection, there's no doubt, Impossible to beat, and extremely hard to follow; But the new one seems to know pretty well what he's about. A Mercury can play, though no Apollo. So let us cheer all round, as he makes his bow profound! Tap, tap, tap! Go the fiddle-bows, in proof that, while welcome shakes the roof, The orchestra agree to cheer and clap! Sir, that St. Stephen's Orchestra is mighty hard to lead: Needs mastery, and dignity, and coolness, and fine ear, Great was the bâton-wielder 'tis your fortune to succeed; But tackle your big task, Sir, without fear! Punch trusts the name of Gully on Fame's roll will not shine dully At the end! Now tune up string and bow, let the New Conductor know That he finds in each performer a fair friend!
PARTY POLITICS.
First Man (conciliatory). You're a Tory?
Second Man (also conciliatory). Well, no. I'm a Unionist. Yes, a Unionist. Certainly I don't approve of Home Rule——
First Man. Don't say that. I think well of Home Rule.
Second Man. Oh, do you? Well, I agree with the Liberals in some ways.
First Man. Come to that, in some ways I agree with the Tories. Now take Disestablishment.
Second Man. Ah, that's just one point where I disagree with the Liberals.
First Man. Well, you may be right. But I should be a Tory if they supported Home Rule.
Second Man. And I should be a Liberal if they didn't want Disestablishment.
First Man. Now, Chamberlain——
Second Man. Ah, yes. Chamberlain——
First Man. He opposes Home Rule.
Second Man. He supports Disestablishment.
[Left mutually abusing Mr. Chamberlain
Fashionable Intelligence.—"The Lord Lieutenant was present at Punchestown for the races. His Excellency and the house party from the Viceregal Lodge, which included Toby, M.P., met with a hearty reception." Naturally. If Toby, M.P. was not made welcome at Punch's town, who should be?
City Notes.—The latest Crushing Report.—The Londonderry Mine.
