THE BLUE BELLES OF SCOTLAND.
Reading edition
(Latest prose version from the Modern Athens.)
Scene—A Dressing-room. Time—The Present. Characters—A Mistress and her Maid.
Mistress. Now then, Mary, you really must make haste or I shall not be in time. Have you got my latest bonnet from Paris?
Maid. Yes, Madam. I told John to put the foot-warmer and the carriage rug in the brougham.
Mistress. Quite right; and now have you got my fan?
Maid. Yes, Madam, and I suppose you will want your opera-glasses?
Mistress. Naturally; how could I see anything distinctly without them? There is sure to be such a crowd. And, by the way, have you got me a packet of literature?
Maid. Yes, Madam. Three novels, and all the illustrated papers.
Mistress. If there are many delays I shall be able to pass the time pleasantly. And the luncheon basket?
Maid. Yes, M'm. Cold fowl, flask of sherry, some celery, a pound cake, knives, forks, glasses, plates, salt, mustard, bread, and a bottle of soda-water. Is there anything else?
Mistress. Well, perhaps I might carry in my muff my pocket camera. 'Tis just possible I may be able to get a snap-shot at the principal character.
(Enters the carriage.)
You haven't given me my special ticket.
Maid. Here it is, Madam. Shall I tell John to drive to the Concert-room?
Mistress. No, no. Tell him to take me to the Court. I am going to assist at a trial for murder!
SEASONABLE SAYINGS.
There is many a slip between the house and the church on a frosty morning.
You cannot make a respectable tradesman out of a grocer who offers tips to a working-housekeeper.
You may take a dustman's token to a stingy man's portal, but you can't get him to give you a Christmas-box.
A dun in need is a county court indeed.
It is a long dinner that has no earning.
People who live in glass houses should not throw away their coke and coals.
Deal with the Stores and the private accounts will look after themselves.
A penny saved by avoiding an omnibus is a florin lost by taking a Hansom cab.
A single swallow never represents a family Christmas dinner.
Enough is often dearer than a feast, especially if you take the last at the house of a friend.
Send an acquaintance an old card about Christmas on Boxing Day, and he will return you a second-hand greeting on the 2nd of January anent the New Year.
Give credit at Christmas and you will find you still have money owing to you at Easter.
Christmas comes but once a year, and bores for the length of a century.
A QUESTION OF THE SENSES.
First County Councillor. "I'm told the Acoustics of this Hall leave much to be desired, Mr. Brown!"
Second C. C. (delicately sniffing). "Indeed, Sir Pompey? Can't say as I perceive anythink amiss, myself; and my Nose is pretty sharp, too!"