ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday, December 11.—Remarkable testimony to catholicity of Dicky Temple's mind that he should just now have been talking about Siam. Various other topics to the fore. The Featherstone inquiry; Matabeleland, in which the Sage Of Queen Anne's Gate takes unfaltering interest; Betterment, and, incidentally, the Parish Councils Bill. Only Temple thinks of remote, unfriended, solitary Siam. Wants to know when papers including most recent correspondence will be published? Edward Grey taken at a disadvantage. Wasn't thinking of Siam. Just been looking up map to find out precise situation of Kilia mouth of the Danube. Cap'en Tommy Bowles been, so to speak, jumping down it. Suspects the Czar of iniquitous intention in this part of the world. Czar evidently thought the Cap'en, being intent on the education of Mundella in nautical affairs, would not have time to keep an eye on the Kilia mouth of the Danube. Czar knows better now. So does Edward Grey. Spent quite an interesting quarter of an hour with the map, and came at last upon this particular outlet. Just congratulating himself that, as a rule, British rivers have only one mouth, when Temple sprang Siam upon him.

"Do you know," said Member for Sark, looking admiringly at the great historiographer of Parliament, "I never see Temple on his legs but I think of Ovid's epitaph on the parrot. You remember how it runs in English?—

"I have a theory, which, if you had time, I would illustrate by half-a-dozen examples taken on glancing round the House, that three out of five human faces have a strong resemblance to some particular bird. Not that I mean to say Temple's like a parrot, except of course inasmuch as he pleases the fair. He is a man of tireless industry, sound judgment, wide knowledge of affairs and has, withal, an old-fashioned courtesy of manner not too common in these days. Still, as I say, when I watch him addressing the Speaker the parrot's epitaph haunts my memory."

Business done.—Clause XIII added to Parish Councils Bill.

Tuesday.—To-night Don't Keir Hardie, having left hands and face unwashed for an extra day, his hair uncombed for an added week, put on his worst Sunday suit and presented himself to House as model working-man, champion of the unemployed. Don't Keir's misfortune is that he has not succeeded in recommending himself to good opinion of other Labour Members. When he moves in House they move off; consequence is he is left to support of aristocrats above the gangway. They don't particularly admire Don't Keir, his ways or his cause. But, as Tomlinson says, under impression he is quoting from Sydney Smith, "any stick will do to beat a dog with." If Don't Keir moves Adjournment, and best part of night can be taken for making speeches, so much delay is interposed in way of Parish Councils Bill, and by so much is chance bettered of Government failing in their intention of passing the whole Bill. Therefore, though other Labour candidates will have nothing to do with Don't Keir, there are four hours talk, an odd quarter of an hour added for a division, and thirty-three Members, chiefly belonging to the Gentlemen of England, going into Lobby with the Leader whom Rowlands distantly alludes to as "The hon. Member for West 'Am," cunningly conveying by inflection of voice the impression that the cut is from a hopelessly inferior part.

Debate, on the whole, patchy, with hopeless air of unreality about it. Nevertheless, worth having, if it were only for speech of Prince Arthur. A scholarly philosophic deliverance, striking unaccustomed note in Parliamentary debate. Pity Mr. G. wasn't there to hear it. Or perhaps it isn't a pity. If he had been, he would have found the temptation to reply irresistible; at least another half hour would have been wasted.

Business done.—Reached Clause XVI. Parish Councils Bill.

LIKA JOKO'S JOTTINGS.—No. 6. A FOOTBALL MATCH.

Thursday.—Spirits of good Ministerialists a little damped by persistent and successful tactics of Opposition. As Jesse Collings said just now, with tears in his eyes, they are anxious, above all things, to see Parish Councils Bill added to Statute Book. Only they won't let it pass. Twentieth night in Committee; still not half way through Bill as Clauses count. Been sitting on Saturdays; shall have Christmas holidays cut down to 25th and Boxing Day; then begin again, with prospect of more drudgery, and, when Bill through, and prorogation possible, the new Session of 1894, young, fresh, and lusty, waiting to be waltzed with. An infant in arms, looking in on House from peep-hole by glass door, and finding Tay Pay on his legs denouncing the Opposition, is deeply impressed.

Tay Pay frightens the Child.

Later, at period of apparent collapse Haldane happily appears on scene. Not a man habitually prone to enthusiasm. No sign on his placid visage of storm-swept soul. Circumstances sometimes stronger than man. To-day they break away the icy barriers of lethargic habit. Haldane, unexpectedly rising from behind the harassed Premier, calls upon him to stand firm, resisting all temptations to surrender. "Stage of situation reached," he said, amid ringing cheers, "when we should not halt, much less retire, but should press forward to the goal. Ministers," he added, sternly regarding back of Squire of Malwood's head, "would be betraying their trust if they flinched by one hair's breadth from the declarations they have made."

His clarion voice cleared air of doubt and perplexity. Ministerialists elate; Opposition correspondingly cowed; the way quite clear now for victory; only sit tight; to importunity present imperturbability; let Opposition once know that, thanks to fidelity and self-sacrifice of Liberal Members, House will sit till Bill is passed, and obstruction will collapse.

Haldane had saved the citadel; the rout of the besiegers only a matter of time.

Sir Richard Parrot.

An hour later Walter Long got up and mentioned interesting circumstance that Haldane, whilst thus heroically inciting Ministers and the rest to hold on, had made arrangements whereby he himself would agreeably spend Christmastide in comfortable country quarters; had even extended his holiday up to 10th of January, when resumption of sittings of court would bring him back to town for private business. Many inquiries on Ministerial benches for Haldane. Seemed to be general desire to say something to him. But he had judiciously retired from scene.

Business done.—Another motion for Adjournment. In smaller half of sitting left for business, Clause XVIII. of Parish Councils Bill reached.

Friday.—Everyone grieved to hear that Speaker has temporarily lost use of voice. Been absent from Chair since Tuesday. "How inscrutable are the ways of Providence," says the Member for Sark. "There are so many quarters of the House where the outbreak of such an epidemic would be a public service. Yet these escape, and only the Chair is attacked."

The House can ill spare the Speaker, even for a day. The whole atmosphere of the place, the tone of debate, are altered when his stately presence and commanding influence are withdrawn. Still, talk must go on, and there has been no lack of it to-night. But everyone is wearied to death of the monotony and reiteration. As Prince Arthur says in a moment of confidence, "If it were the only alternative, one would rather have a parish funeral than another Parish Councils Bill."

Business done.—Nothing worth speaking of.