Act 2 — Act II. Scene I.

A Drawing-room in the Hall.

Enter Captain Etheridge, Captain Mertoun, and William.

Will. Sir Gilbert be within gunshot, Captain Edward, and I'll make sail after him. I think he have the gardener in tow.

Capt. Eth. You will oblige me, William. How are you, my good fellow? You look dull; what's the news here?

Will. Why, Mr Edward, mortal bad. There be a misfortune happened in the family this morning.

Capt. Eth. Not to my father, I trust?

Capt. Mer. Not to Miss Etheridge?

Will. No; it be, Mr Edward, that Sir Gilbert have given me warning, and I have a month's law to find another berth.

(Captain Etheridge and Mertoun look at each other, and laugh.)

Capt. Eth. Well, William, I think I can doctor that.

Will. I'se afraid not, Mr Edward, for the Admiral be superseded—has hauled down his flag, and I'd as soon have my discharge as not. (Putting his finger to his nose.) A woman be at the bottom of all mischief.

Capt. Eth. You observe, Mertoun, how things are managed here. Now if any difference or dispute arise between my father and mother, do you immediately espouse the cause of the lady. Recollect, I'll bear you harmless.

Capt. Mer. I am guided by you; but I'm going to observe—

Enter Sir Gilbert.

Adm. My dear Edward, welcome again to your inheritance!

Capt. Eth. Thanks, my dear father. Allow me to introduce to you my most particular friend, Captain Mertoun, of our regiment.

Adm. Sir, you have the welcome of a father who loves all whom his children love.

Capt. Mer. Sir Gilbert, I am indeed flattered by your kind expressions.

Enter Lady Etheridge.

Capt. Eth. My dear mother, permit me to renew my duty.

Lady Eth. Edward, I have been a martyr to painful anxiety and maternal sentiment; but my sighs are accomplished now that I embrace my only son. (Turning to Mertoun, and curtseying haughtily.) Your friend?

Capt. Eth. My friend is Captain Mertoun, who is most anxious to pay his homage, and I trust will find favour in the sight of Lady Etheridge.

Capt. Mer. That were indeed anticipating bliss. (Bowing very low.)

Lady Eth. Captain Mertoun, you may approximate our kindly feelings.

Capt. Mer. Lady Etheridge, I duly appreciate the distinction. (Aside to Etheridge.) Why don't you ask after your sister?

Capt. Eth. Where is my sister Agnes, my dear mother? How is it that she is not here to receive her brother?

Lady Eth. Indeed, Edward, I am ashamed to say that, forgetful of her aristocratic birth, she has permitted herself to be seduced by bad company.

Adm. (aside). Whew! now for a breeze!

Capt. Eth. Bad company. Did I hear rightly? Surely, my lady——

Lady Eth. I have said it, Edward; and I am sorry to add, that the admiral eggs her on. O pardon, Captain Mertoun, the plebeian slip of the tongue! I mean to say corroborates the mésalliance.

Capt. Mer. (aside to Etheridge) For Heaven's sake, ask her to explain.

Capt. Eth. What would you infer, my lady? Surely my sister cannot so far forget herself, much less my father approve of such conduct.

Adm. Edward, this bad company is—Lucy Bargrove.

Lady Eth. Yes, Sir Gilbert, I am sorry to retort before strangers; but just as you have confessed, it is even so. My daughter has formed an unequal connection, and, and dissipates her rank among unequal associates.

Capt. Eth. I am truly glad that it is no worse, my lady.

Lady Eth. What can be worse, sir? Rank is rank; but your father has absorbed notions which disgrace his baronetage.

Adm. Lady Etheridge, if I never disgrace my title by any other act, I shall be proud of the manner in which I have supported it. (Aside.) I won't give up this point if I can help it.

Lady Eth. You hear, Edward—I am quite cagged—I am all confusion—stigmatised, I mean, by his conduct. His infatuation is quite adulterous!

Capt. Eth. (aside). Now, Mertoun, coincide with her. Never mind me or my father.

Lady Eth. Did you speak, Captain Mertoun?

Capt. Mer. I did, my lady, but venture to express to Captain Etheridge my admiration of the elegance and elevation of your sentiments.

Adm. (aside). What the devil does he interfere for? confounded puppy.

Lady Eth. Captain Mertoun, I conceive at once that you are of Oh tone. I am sorry that family squabbles—pardon the low word—Captain Mertoun, we cannot touch pitch without being defiled—(looking at Sir Gilbert.)

Adm. Sorry you ever meddled with a tar.

Lady Eth. I am grieved, Captain Mertoun, that domestic fractions should be promulgated on our first meeting, and feel much prepossession for your corroboration of the Admiral's folly.

Capt. Mer. I cannot but assert that his conduct is most indefensible. Sir Gilbert, allow me to take the privilege of an early friend, and to express my regret at your infatuation, and my hope that you will be swayed by superior judgment.

Adm. Sir, I am much obliged to you for your friendly and polite interference. Does your friend stay dinner, Edward?

Lady Eth. Admiral, assuredly. I trust that Captain Mertoun will do us the honour of taking many dinners with us. At present, Captain Mertoun, you will excuse me; but when you are at leisure, I do not say that I will show you the grounds, as Sir Gilbert would have expressed himself; but I shall, as we of the Oh tone say, be most happy to be your cicero. [Exit Lady Etheridge.

Adm. (angrily to Captain Mertoun.) And pray, sir, what do you mean by offering your opinion so confounded freely, and disapproving of my conduct?

Capt. Eth. My dear father, you must blame me, and not him. Let us retire to your library, and I will explain everything. You will find that Captain Mertoun has no other object in view than the happiness of all parties.

Adm. Then I can tell Captain Mertoun, that interfering between man and wife is not the way to secure his own.

Capt. Mer. Your son will soon offer a satisfactory explanation. It is most true that the liberty I have taken with you is most essential to my happiness.

Adm. (going up and lifting his cane). The devil it is! but not to all parties, Captain Mertoun; and I am sorry to say this to any friend of my son's—but you are a d——d impudent puppy, and I expect satisfaction.

Capt. Eth. That you shall have, sir, from me, who requested Captain Mertoun to follow that line of conduct. Do me the favour to retire to the library.

Adm. You requested him to insult your father? I am not so old as to be insulted with impunity; and I hope, as you are a party, that the explanation will be satisfactory. (Walks about in a rage.) Captain Mertoun, you'll excuse us. There are the grounds, and as you have been so very assiduous to fall out with me, you may be equally so to fall in with Lady Etheridge. (Bowing in derision very low, then exit, attended by Captain Etheridge.)

Capt. Mer. Well, this is excellent, that a man, who is henpecked till he has not a decent feather left, should be jealous about such a woman. But I feel assured that Etheridge will make all right. I shall take the advice of the old gentleman, and walk about the grounds, perhaps, as he says, I may fall in with Lady Etheridge and improve my acquaintance. [Exit.