HINTS FOR HENLEY
Reading edition
(At the Service of Visitors wishing to be comfortable)
Take care to be invited to the best situated houseboat.
If you can, get permission to ask a few friends to join your host's party at luncheon.
Be sure to secure the pleasantest seat, the most amusing neighbour, and all the periodicals.
If you are conversationally inclined, monopolise the talk, and if you are not, plead a headache for keeping every one silent.
Mind that "No. 1" is your particular numerical distinction, and that the happiness of the rest of the world is a negligible quantity.
If you are a man, keep smoking cigars and sipping refreshing beverages until it is time to eat and drink seriously; if you are of the other sex, flirt, chatter, or sleep, as the impulse moves you.
And when you are quite, quite sure that you have nothing better to do, give a glance to the racing!
HOPE DEFERRED
Jones (who is not feeling very well). "How long did you say it would take us to get back?"
Boatman. "'Bout 'n 'our an' a 'arf agin this tide."