A QUIET DAY ON THE THAMES

(Dedicated to the Thames Conservancy)

9 a.m.—Got out my boat, and made immediately for the centre of the stream.

10 a.m.—Spent some three-quarters of an hour in attempting to avoid the swell of the City steamboats. Within an ace of being swamped by one of them.

11 a.m.—Run into by a sailing-barge. Only saved by holding on to a rope, and pushing my boat aground.

12 noon.—Aground.

1 p.m.—After getting into deep water again, was immediately run into by a coal-barge. Exchange of compliments with the crew thereof.

2 p.m.—Pursued by swans and other savage birds. Pelted with stones thrown from the shore by ragged urchins out of reach of my vengeance.

3 p.m.—Amongst the fishing-punts. Lively communication of opinions by the angry fishermen. Attempted piracy.

4 p.m.—Busily engaged in extricating my boat from the weeds.

5 p.m.—Disaster caused by a rope coming from the towing-path.

6 p.m.—Lock-keeper not to be found. Daring and partially successful attempt to shoot the rapids.

7 p.m.—Run down by a steam-launch travelling at express-rate speed.

8 p.m.—Just recovering from the effects of drowning.

9 p.m.—Going home to bed!

"DROWSILY! DROWSILY!"

Energetic Male (reclining). "Now then, girls, work away! Nothing like taking real exercise!"

THE CHANNEL QUESTION SOLVED (1873)

OR, EVERY ONE HIS OWN BESSEMER!