LOVE

It seems absurd I did not recognize it at once, but at first my thoughts were indefinite and I did not know by what name to call it. I had always looked upon it as something so much more personal and individual, and coming this way as it did, it seemed new and strange. It came to me in the subway. I remember it had been raining and as I entered the train I remarked to myself on the hideous smell of damp clothing and dripping umbrellas. At first the crowd was oppressive; I who hate crowds so, shrank a little and tried to gain my balance. It was just then the peculiar thing happened.... Suddenly, in spite of the fact that I was pushed and pulled here and there I did not seem to mind. A man rose giving me a seat, and as I sank into it and the crowds thinned out at a station, I looked across the train and saw a woman dozing in the corner. Her face was worn, white and pinched; her clothes dirty and her hat sliding off. Every time the train swayed her head lurched forward, each second seeming to assume a more uncomfortable position. I looked at her pathetic face and longed with all my heart to put her tired head upon my shoulder, taking my coat and wrapping it around her emaciated form. Then I looked down the train and saw an old man; he had apparently been to the hospital, because his head was bandaged and his face contracted from time to time in pain. He gazed slyly about, and when he thought no one was looking he spat upon the floor between his legs. Ordinarily I should have wanted to kill him for it, but then, oddly enough, I felt no disgust but only a great pity and sympathy for him. A small child opposite was screaming shrilly and every few seconds licking the window pane, while his parents fought and argued with each other beside him. I wanted to take their hands and tell them not to quarrel and I longed to take the child on my lap; cuddling it to me and distracting it from the soiled window pane. Then as I gazed at all the faces along the seats a great understanding and sympathy for them sprang up within me. I wished I could take them by the hand one by one out into the sunlight, giving them what they most desired, and then be able to rejoice at their good fortune in which I would share no part. I forgot myself completely and a spirit of exaltation came to me such as I had never experienced before. The subway ceased to smell and upon each face and in my heart I seemed to discern a great light. I held my breath while I felt as if I were being carried on by some unknown harmony and rhythm; I was sure that all the eyes in the train had grown kindly and that no one harbored evil in his heart. Before the feeling faded away—as I knew it would— and left me again my same selfish and miserable self, I longed to ascertain what this sublime mood could be. As I wondered, back from my brain and all the way down to my heart I heard the words beating and hammering my answer—— “This is love!” they cried.