JOY

I looked out of the window at the snow on the ground and something in the sunlight made me throw aside my books and go out. I do not recall how I reached there, but I found myself in the heart of the park, and maybe because it was so early, or I do not know quite why,— it seemed empty,—I looked across the white stretch of glistening snow and my heart beat with joy at being alone. Suddenly something very odd happened to me: Everything and everyone in my life seemed to drop away from me; I felt as though my spirit had been freed and as if no harm could ever come to me again. So I laughed and blew my breath out in the cold air and waved it good-bye, and I shouted aloud and tossed the snow from side to side with my feet. I knew you would be waiting for me and be angry, but that and all things else seemed very remote and far away, so I dismissed it from my mind and did not think of it again. Then I pretended I was Columbus discovering America and I called out “land ahead.” But after, I changed and pretended I was Jeanne d’Arc leading the French army, and all the while sang the Marseillaise because it thrilled me so and I waved my arms and danced. Then I decided to be the wind, and I ran as fast as I could and fell down in the snow, jumped up again and laughed some more. I threw kisses and made faces at the sun and I tried to catch the little diamonds that gleamed on the snow,—but each one lured me on to another, until it seemed like an eternal mirage,—so I stood still, drew a long breath and thanked God for Life! Then as I walked on I felt that I possessed everything, because I had youth, health and ambition. And the whole world seemed to be stretching out its alluring hands before me with wonderful rose-tipped fingers!