PLAYS

Dialogues, Speakers, for School, Club and Parlor. Catalogue free.

T. S. Denison, Publisher, Chicago Ill.

THE REMARKABLE ADVENTURE OF A JOLLY OLD SALT AND AN INQUISITIVE KANGAROO.

NOT THAT KIND OF A RUDDER.

Although a sailor can "jockey" a yard-arm gracefully, he is anything but impressive in that sense on horseback. Yet one of the first things that a man-o'-war Jack steers for when he gets on shore with liberty-money in his pocket is a livery-stable, where he can mount the hurricane deck of an animal.

During the time that one of our vessels was at anchor off Newport liberty was given, and two of the seamen agreed to spend their limited amount of money on horse-flesh. One of them negotiated with the liveryman, and soon appeared on the street perched in the saddle. When out of sight of the stable-keeper, Jack's companion hove alongside and mounted behind his mate. In this fashion they sailed down Main Street until the square was reached where Commodore Perry's statue is placed.

"I say, Bill," cried the sailor in the saddle, "put your helm aport, and let's go up and have a look at the stattoo."

"All right, my boy," answered Bill. Then he reached back of him, caught the horse's tail, pulled it hard around on his left, and awaited developments. After a minute he sung out:

"Something's the matter with the steering-gear, Jack; she won't mind her helm!"

TWO OF THEM.

Fred. "Did you know that Captain Thribble had two left legs?"

Uncle Ned. "Nonsense!"

Fred. "But it's not nonsense. His right leg was left at Gettysburg, wasn't it? And he has a left leg still, hasn't he?"

LONG MEASURE.

Professor Problem. "It takes a yard and a half of muslin to make a boy's shirt. How many shirts can be got out of six yards?"

Toby Tooquick. "Four, sir; but I know of a man that got more than that out of one. He got five of my big brother's and three of mine from our back yard one night last week."

A DILIGENT STUDENT.

"Come out and play," cried Willie, from the yard.

"Can't. I'm studying," shouted Robbie.

"Whatcher studying?" called Willie.

"Reading," returned Robbie. "I want to learn it, so's I can read the telephone book and find out what Santa Claus's number is. I've got something to say to him about some things for somebody some time."

HE SPELT IT T-E-A-S-E.

Mamma. "Bobby, stop making your little brother scream! What are you doing? We have this same noise about every afternoon at this time, and I want it stopped."

Bobby. "Well, mamma, you have your afternoon teas, and I don't see why we can't have ours."

ACCOUNTED FOR.

"I know why girls likes dolls," observed Wilbur, sagely, to his aunt. "It's because dolls don't say a woyd, and lets the girls do all the talkin'."

INTO THE HOLE IN ONE SHOT.

"I made a great golf shot the other day," said Harold. "It was in the house, and I drove one of papa's golf balls right into a hole it made in the looking-glass."

WHAT WAS NEEDED.

"Mamma, can I play ogre?"

"Yes, my dear, if you wish."

"All right. Give me a piece of cake."

"Cake?"

"Yes; you have to have a piece of cake to play ogre. You see, I'm to be the ogre, and the cake is the boy that gets ate up."

PROOF TO THE CONTRARY.

"I don't believe the world is going round all the time," said Jack. "Fact, I know it isn't. If it was, when I jumped up in the air it would have slid right away from under me."

A WONDERFUL ANIMAL.

"Willie Robbins has got an invisible monkey," said Tommy.

"How do you know?" asked his mamma.

"I went home with him to see it, and when he brought it out you couldn't see it at all," said Tommy.

ALL HE NEEDED.

"Are you head of your class, Hal?" asked the visitor.

"No, sir," replied Hal. "I would be if we had a big earthquake that'd turn everything upside down, though."

Freddy. "What is Mr. Slippens running so fast for?"

James. "Why, don't you know? He's trying to catch his breath."

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