A SUPPLEMENT OF FABLES, OUT OF Phædrus, Avienus, Camerarius, Neveletus, Apththonius, Gabrias, Babrias, Abstemius, Alciatus, Boccalini, Baudoin, De la Fontaine, Æsope en Belle Humeur, Meslier, &c. (continued 4)
Reading edition
Fab. CCCCXCVIII. The Conscientious Thieves.
There was a Knot of Good Fellows that Borrow’d a small Sum of Mony of a Gentleman upon the Kings High-way: When they had taken All they could find; Dam ye for a Dog, says One of the Gang, You have more Mony about you Sirrah, some where or other. Lord, Brother, says One of his Companions, can’t ye take the Gentleman’s Mony Civilly, but you must Swear and call Names! As they were About to Part, Pray by your favour Gentlemen, says the Traveller, I have so many Miles to go, and not One Penny in my pocket to bear my Charges; you seem to be Men of some Honour, and I hope you’l be so Good as only to let me have so much of my Mony back again, as will carry me to my Journeys End. Ay, Ay, the Lord forbid else, they cry’d, and so they Open’d One of the Bags, and bad him Please Himself. He took them at their Word, and presently fetch’d out a Handfull, as much as ever he could Gripe. Why how now, says One of the Blades, Ye Confounded Son of a Whore, Ha’ ye no Conscience?
The Moral.
’Tis a notable Trade that many drive in the World, of pretending to make a Conscience of One Sin, and taking out their Penn’orths in Another. Some there are that Commute Swearing for Whoring, as if the Forbearance of the One, were a Dispensation for the Committing of T’other. We have heard of Others too, that have been Strict Observers of the Lords Day, and yet made no Scruple at all of Robbing the Lords Altars. But a Good Christian and an Honest Man, must be all of a Piece; and these Inequalities of Proceeding will never hold Water.
REFLEXION.
’Tis just with Publick Thieves, as ’tis with Private: A pretended Necessity sets them both at Work, and a Pretended Religion or Conscience brings them off when they have done. This is no more then what we our selves have found within the Memory of Man, to be Literally and Historically True; when that, which in those Days past for the Law of the Land, was in Effect no other then the Law of the Road; and the One had as Much and as Little to say for it self as the Other. There are Political Bands of Robbers, as well as the Jacks and the Toms that are Cry’d in Gazettes; and they fall both of them under the Regulation of the same Mystery and Trade. The Poor Man here that was Robb’d Himself, was Charg’d Effectually with Robbing the Thieves, upon a Suspicion, that he had Reserv’d some small Pittance of his own Mony, to his own Use, which they accounted a Defrauding of the Publick. Now we have seen this to be the Sense and Discipline of the State, as well as of the Pad; and ’tis Broad as ’tis Long at last, whether a Man be Undone by a Cabal of Sharpers in a Committee of Safety, or by a Troup of Canary Birds upon Newmarket Heath. Nay, and the Parallel runs upon all Four, a little further too; Can’t you take the Gentlemans Mony Civilly? says the Spark: That is to say, Cannot you play the Rogue Demurely, as if Butter would not melt in your Mouth, and pick an Honest Gentleman’s Pocket with a Pater Noster betwixt your Teeth? Cannot you Plunder, Sequester, Decimate, Draw, Hang and Quarter in the Fear of the Lord, but you must Blaspheme and Call Names? Is it not enough that you are Discharg’d by the very Privilege of your Profession, from the Bondage of Subjection and Obedience to Parents Natural or Civil? Is it not enough that you may Kill, Whore, Steal, Backbite, Covet, and make Bold in short, with all the Commands of the Second Table, but you must be Breaking in upon the Former? Thus goes the World; the Little Thieves Hang for’t, while the Great Ones Sit upon the Bench; and there’s a Cloak of Conscience still thrown over both Pretensions, to Cover, and to Consecrate the Cheat.
Fab. CCCCXCIX. The Trepanning Wolf.
There’s a Story of a Man of Quality in Ireland, that a little before the Troubles there, had Wall’d in a piece of ground for a Park, and left only One Passage into’t by a Gate with a Portcullis to’t. The Rebellion brake out, and put a stop to his Design. The Place was Horribly Pester’d with Wolves; and his People having taken one of ’em in a Pit-Fall, Chain’d him up to a Tree in the Enclosure; and then planted themselves in a Lodge over the Gate, to see what would come on’t. The Wolf in a very short time fell a Howling, and was Answer’d by all his Brethren thereabouts, that were within Hearing of it; insomuch that the Hubbub was Immediately put about from One Mountain to Another, till a whole Herd of ’em were gotten together upon the Outcry; and so Troup’d away into the Park. They were no sooner in the Pound, but down goes the Portcullis, and away Scamper the Wolves to the Gate, upon the Noise of the Fall on’t. When they saw that there was no getting out again, where they came in, and that upon Hunting the whole Field over, there was no Possibility of making an Escape, they fell by Consent upon the Wolf that drew them in, and Tore him all to Pieces.
The Moral.
Any Man that has but Eyes in his head, and looks well about him, will find this Exploit of the Wolves, to be no more then the common Practice of Vindictive Flesh and Blood, on the one Hand, and the common Fate of Publick Incendaries on the Other.
REFLEXION.
’Tis with Men, as ’tis with Beasts, in the Case of this Wolf. We do naturally Hate the Instruments of our Ruin: And it matters not much neither, as to the Event of the thing, whether it be by Chance or by Choice; for it seldom succeeds better, where the Advice or the Instigation of One Man draws on the Destruction of Many. There’s a Great Difference ’tis true, betwixt the Works of Malice, and those of Misadventure, but the Mischief is still the same; for he that’s Undone, is equally Undone, whether it be by Spitefulness of Forethought, or by the Folly of Oversight, or Evil Counsel. The Wolf at the Stake, had no Design upon his Brethren in the Woods; and the Wolves in the Wood had as little Design upon their Brother at the Stake; but One was in Distress, and call’d out for Help, while the other Associated, and came in to his Relief. But after they were once In, they were all Involv’d in the same Common Fate: And when the Herd found themselves Hamper’d, and that they could not gain their Ends, they came to a Resolution, One and All, in a Generous Indignation to take their Revenge. The Freak of the French Farce comes as Pat as is possible to the Earnest of this Moral: The Plot of it was a Grammar-School; the Master setting his Boys their Lessons, and their Exercises, and a Loobily Countrey Fellow putting in for a part among the Scholars. Well, says the Master, I am just going out of Town for Four or Five Days, wherefore Pray’e be sure ye be Good Boys, till I come back again; and so he took Horse and away. He had no sooner turn’d his Back, but there were they at it Helter Skelter, throwing Books at one anothers Heads, and playing such Freaks, as if Hell were Broke Loose among ’em. In this very Interim, the Master Bolts in upon them, and Surprizes them: In short, he enquires into the Riot, and takes the whole School to Task One by One, about the Occasion of this Uproar. I’d have been Quiet, says One, if it had not been for Him; and I’d ha’ been Quiet, says T’other, if he’d ha’ let me alone. So that in fine, all (Pointing at the same Person,) the Poor Country Fellow was taken up and Lash’d upon the Stage, and all the rest forgiven.
Fab. CCCCC. A Miller and a Rat.
A Miller took a huge Over-grown Rat in his Meal Tub; there was He laying the Law to him about the Lewdness of his Life and Conversation, and the Abominable Sin of Stealing; but your Thieving, says he, is now come Home to ye, and I shall e’en leave Honest Puss here to reckon with ye for all your Rogueries. Alas Sir, says the Poor Rat, I make no Trade on’t; and the Miserable Pittance that I take, is only from Hand to Mouth, and out of Pure Necessity to keep Life and Soul together: As the Rat Pleaded Hunger on the One Hand, the Miller threw the Matter of Conscience and Honesty in his Teeth on the Other, and Preach’d to him upon the Topick of a Political Convenience, in making such Pilfering Knaves Examples for the Publick Good. Well Sir, says the Rat once again, but pray will you Consider for your own sake, that this is your own Case; and that You and I are both Corn Merchants, and of the same Fraternity; Nay, and that for One Grain that I take, you take a Thousand? This is not Language, cries the Miller, in a Rage, for an Honest Man to Bear; but the best on’t is Sirrah, Your Tongue’s no Slander: So he turn’d the Cat Loose upon him to do that which we call in the World an Execution of Justice.
The Moral.
’Tis a piece of Market Policy, for People of a Trade to bear hard One upon another, when it comes once to the Question betwixt a Couple of Knaves, which is the Honester Man of the Two.
REFLEXION.
There are no Greater Atheists under the Sun, then that sort of People that Distinguishes it self from other Men by the Name of the Godly, and the Ungodly Party: No Arranter Hypocrites in Hell, then those that told the Sons of Levi they took too much upon them, but that the Congregation was Holy Every Man of ’em, and the Lord was among them. Divine Vengeance cut ’em off we see, Flagranti Crimine, for the Earth Open’d her Mouth and Swallow’d them up, Them and their whole Party, and they went down Alive into the Pit. No People so Unmerciful to Poor Little Whores, and Thieves, as Rich Great Ones. The Griping Usurer Inveighs against Extortion; Church-Robbers against Sacrilege; the most Insupportable of Tyrants, Exclaim against the Exercise of Arbitrary Power; and none so Fierce against the Sin of Rebellion, as the most Execrable of Traytors Themselves. Thus we find it in these Instances; and the same Pharisaical Spirit runs through the whole Roll of our Darling Iniquities. The Miller is brought in here Preaching against Stealing; and it is upon the whole Matter an Unaccountable Truth, that we do all Naturally pretend the Greatest Aversion to that Lewdness in Another, which we most Indulge in our Selves. This is it that we call Crying Whore First; as if the Impudence of Out-facing the Wickedness, were some sort of Atonement for the Scandal of it.