Volume 3 — Our Rural Mail Box

Dorothy—Your friend has been spoofing you. Beware of freak poker games. If you want to bet, cross the line to Tiajuana.

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George—Stick ’em under the mattress to crease ’em but don’t have the baby in bed.

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Stock Clerk—There is only one sure way of making money following the ponies.

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Madame Bozo—Stout women should not wear tight waists. Sizes up to 48 bust in basement.

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Howsitt Pheal—You won’t mind wearing amber glasses in the Islands, Howsitt, you’ll get color blind anyhow.

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Dottie—When he begins by saying, “Little girl, I’m old enough to be your father”—well, look out!

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George—It is rude for a man to fall asleep while his wife is talking, but a man has to sleep some time.

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Nisbet—You’re like the Scotchman who said “Don’t be backward in coming forward.”

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Luscious Lizzie—It is not considered correct table manners to blow on your coffee to cool it. You had better pour it in your saucer.

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Silas Sawyer—Chewing tobacco is all right in its place. Refrain, however, from using it for decorative purposes.

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Al B. Kirk—A Whuzzat is a trained tobacco-chewing dog employed by the Southern Railway to run alongside of fast express trains to spit on the coach trucks to keep the hot boxes from burning.

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Fat Man—Your meaning is not quite clear. Do I understand you to say you cannot dance except with a concave partner?

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Johnny—I can’t use your story of the stove-pipe. It isn’t clean.

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Sapp—If you want a set of teeth inserted, would advise that you go and kick some cross bull dog.

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Restauranteur—A swell meal would be dried apples and water, and you can get a chicken dinner for ten cents at any feed store.