Volume 2 — His Test of Faith

By RUDOLPH KUEFFNER

A couple, on their wedding trip, met a gypsy whose prophecies so greatly amused them that they gave her an extra dollar for good luck. In appreciation of the gift, the grateful gypsy presented her benefactors with a little white, glass phial containing a clear liquid. She admonished them to hold this phial as a sacred treasure, because the liquid would retain its crystalline clearness only so long as the loving couple were faithful to each other. But, warned the gypsy, unfaithfulness on the part of either will cause this liquid to turn a grayish hue.

The couple laughingly accepted the small bottle, took it home and, although disbelieving the gypsical dope-sheet, placed it carefully in an unused linen closet. They soon forgot the incident and lived in happiness for some time.

One summer, a few years later, the wife journeyed afar to visit relatives. Letters of love were exchanged and the hubby gave all his time to business cares, with the exception of Sundays, when he would entertain a few friends at his home. At one of these Sunday parties he amused the guests with the gypsy story of honeymoon days.

At the finish of the host’s recital, one of the men with an eye to a practical joke suggested pouring a bit of ink in the phial so as to make the liquid turn to gray. “On her return you can have a lot of fun at her jealousness,” he said, “and then call us in to prove your faithfulness.” The trick was done and in a few days Friend Wife came home.

While house-cleaning next day, she thought of the phial. Great horrors! Its contents had turned from pure white to a grayish tint. “My God, is it really so?” But after a few moments of hesitation she quickly poured out the gray substance and refilled the phial with clear water, placing it back in its former location.

Needless to say, it was not necessary for hubby’s friends to call to testify in his behalf.

* * *

The Difference

The two school friends accidentally met in the whirl of the city, and, of course, began a rapid fire of questions.

“What am I doing?” said Gladys, in reply to a query. “Oh, I’m a stenographer.” “What’s the boss like?” “Well, he’s quite young, and is awfully kind to me. See, he gave me this bangle and this brooch, and nearly every week he takes me to dinner and the theatre. And the salary’s quite good—$25 a week. And you, Ethel—what are you doing, dear?”

“Same as you,” snapped Ethel, “only there’s no shorthand-typing mixed up with it.”

* * *

For Men Only

Some of us poor, down-trodden he-men, and farmers, chuckle with glee when our sturdy wives drag us to church on Sunday to listen to such passages of Scripture regarding the weaker (?) sex as follow. In view of granting the ladies equal rights at the ballot, these few lines appear to be particularly timely, so follow closely, boys, and chuckle again:

“Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection; suffer not woman to think or usurp authority over man, for Adam was formed first, not Eve.

“For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For the man is not of the woman but woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.

“When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the Lord Thy God hast delivered into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive, and hast seen among the captives a beautiful woman and hast a desire unto her that thou wouldst have her for thy wife, then thou shalt bring her home to thy house, and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails.”

* * *

Fast Workers

They were introduced at 7:15.

By 8:10 they were talking cozily in a movie.

At 9:30 they were regarding each other intimately over the remains of a chicken sandwich.

At 9:44 they stood wistfully near on the front porch.

Promptly at 9:45 he kissed her.

By 9:50 she kissed him.

At 10:00 with a touch of sadness they parted.

He walked down the steps dejectedly, but upon hearing the door close, he snapped out and walked briskly home and cut another notch in his military brushes.

“How they fall,” he murmured, “probably I am a handsome devil.”

She, sitting before her dressing-table, yawned.

“How they fall,” she sighed; “perhaps I am a sweet and delightful girl.”

And she put his name in a thick little book she had been keeping since she was sixteen!

* * *

Shortcomings

A negro woman went into a department store and said to the clerk:

“Mister, can I exchange these stockings?”

“Why, certainly, madam; don’t they come up to your expectations?”

“Lawdy, no; dey hardly come up to ma knees.”

* * *

Marjorie Was So Obliging

Little 5-year-old Marjorie was the sunshine of her mother’s heart and on all possible occasions her brightness was paraded before “company.”

It was at a meeting of the Loyal Ladies’ Card club that Marjorie’s mother contrived to “show up” her darling daughter. First she asked the little tot to get Mrs. Jones a drink of water. Marjorie got the water and was thanked for it. She was then asked to get Mrs. Smith a drink. She complied and again was thanked. She went through the same procedure for four more ladies. After the last one had drank, the mother proudly asked little Marjorie to bring in a drink for her before going out to play.

In a few moments Marjorie returned, but without water for mother.

“Muvver, I tant det any more water,” she childishly lisped.

“Why not, my child, surely you’ll get your mother a drink?”

“I tant, muvver, the water’s all don and I tant weach the chain.”

* * *

Fits Most Lunch Foundries

A Holyoke, Mass., lunch room displays over the counter a large sign which reads as follows:

Don’t make fun of our coffee. You may be old and weak yourself some day. Use one helping of sugar and stir like hell. We don’t mind the noise.

* * *

They Both Walked

The other evening a swell appearing young couple asked if they might leave an automobile cushion at the Whiz Bang farm while they hiked to Robbinsdale to report the theft of their motor car. I said “Sure,” and I still have the cushion.

* * *

Before July First

The policeman watched the man creep slowly out of the saloon. Hastily he approached the unfortunate culprit:

“I just saw you come out of that saloon!”

“Sh’ever see me before?”

“No!”

“Then how ’djou know it was me?”

* * *

Page Mr. Croton

Are you acquainted with Olive Oil?

Very well, indeed.

Well, I’m her brother, Castor.

* * *

Something to Worry About

The famous race horse, Man o’ War, receives more personal attention than any being, human or otherwise, since Cleopatra. He has a retinue of servants and is housed more expensively than the Gaekwar of Baroda or the Jhilwar of Jhock.

* * *

Love isn’t blind—just near-sighted.