CAPTIVI THE CAPTIVES (continued 2)

vale atque salve, etsi aliter ut dicam meres. tu, Aristophontes, de me ut meruisti, ita vale; nam mihi propter te hoc optigit. Farewell, sir, and God bless you, no matter if you do deserve to have me wish you something else. As for you, Aristophontes, fare you well—as well as you deserve of me; for it is all on account of you that this has happened to me.

HegioHegio

Abducite. (to overseers) Off with him.

Tynd.Tynd.

At unum hoc quaeso, si huc rebitet Philocrates, ut mi eius facias conveniundi copiam. But I do ask this one thing of you, sir: if Philocrates comes back, give me a chance to meet him.

HegioHegio

Periistis, nisi hunc iam e conspectu abducitis. (to overseers) Out of my sight with him this instant, or I'll murder you! (they seize Tyndarus and hurry him off roughly)

Tynd.Tynd.

750 Vis haec quidem hercle est, et trahi et trudi simul. (dryly) Well, well! This is positive violence, being pushed and pulled at the same time. [exeunt.

HegioHegio

Illic est abductus recta in phylacam, ut dignus est. ego illis captivis aliis documentum dabo, ne tale quisquam facinus incipere audeat. quod absque hoc esset, qui mihi hoc fecit palam, usque offrenatum suis me ductarent dolis. That rascal is bound straight for the prison cell he's entitled to. I'll make an example of him for the benefit of those other prisoners, so that none of them will dare engage in such deviltry. If it hadn't been for this fellow here who disclosed it all, they'd have bitted me and led me along with their tricks till the end of time.

nunc certum est nulli posthac quicquam credere. satis sum semel deceptus. speravi miser ex servitute me exemisse filium: ea spes elapsa est. perdidi unum filium, 760 puerum quadrimum quem mihi servos surpuit, neque eum servom umquam repperi neque filium; Never again do I trust a soul in anything, that's settled. Once cheated is enough. (pauses, then gloomily) I hoped, poor fool, that I had ransomed my son from slavery—a hope that's slipped away! I lost one son, a four-year-old boy that a slave kidnapped, and never a trace of slave or son since.

maior potitus hostium est. quod hoc est scelus? quasi in orbitatem liberos produxerim. sequere hac. reducam te ubi fuisti. neminis miserere certum est, quia mei miseret neminem. And my older boy in the hands of enemies! What curse am I under? As if I'd begotten children so as to be left childless! (to Aristophontes) This way, you. (going toward brother's house) Back you go where you were before. I am determined to pity no one, since no one pities me.

Arist.Arist.

Exauspicavi ex vinclis. nunc intellego redauspicandum esse in catenas denuo. (wryly) It seemed a good omen, my getting out of irons. Now I perceive I must omen myself back to chains again. [exeunt.

ACTVS IV ACT IV

(It is to be assumed that several hours only have elapsed.) enter Ergasilus, elated.

Erg.Erg.

Iuppiter supreme, servas me measque auges opes, maximas opimitates opiparasque offers mihi, 770 laudem lucrum, ludum iocum, festivitatem ferias, pompam penum, potationis saturitatem, gaudium, nec cuiquam homini supplicare¹⁹ nunc certum est mihi; nam vel prodesse amico possum vel inimicum perdere, ita hic me amoenitate amoena amoenus oneravit dies, sine sacris hereditatem sum aptus effertissimam. Great God on high, thou dost preserve me and prosper me with fatness! Boundless abundance, yea, sublime abundance dost thou bring me! Praise, profit, pleasure, jollity, festivity, feasting, trains of victuals, eatables, drinkables, satiety, joy! Never will I toady to human being more, I now resolve it. Why, I can bless my friend or blast my foe, now that this delightful day has loaded me down with its delightful delightfulness! I've landed a legacy stuffed fit to burst, and not a single encumbrance attached!

nunc ad senem cursum capessam hunc Hegionem, cui boni tantum affero quantum ipsus a dis optat, atque etiam amplius. nunc certa res est, eodem pacto ut comici servi solent. coniciam in collum pallium, primo ex med hanc rem ut audiat: 780 speroque me ob hunc nuntium aeternum adepturum cibum. Now for a race up to old Hegio here. I'm bringing him all the happiness he craves of Heaven, yes, and more, too. I know what I'll do now: like slaves in the comedies, I'll bundle my cloak round my neck and run, so that I'll be the first man he hears this news from; and I hope to get food for ever and ever for my information.

IV. 2. Scene 2.

enter Hegio.

HegioHegio

Quanto in pectore hanc rem meo magis volato, tanto mi aegritudo auctior est in animo. ad illum modum sublitum os esse mi hodie! neque id perspicere quivi. quod cum scibitur, tum per urbem inridebor. (soliloquizing moodily) The more I think it over, the sourer I feel. The idea of their playing upon me in that style to-day! And I couldn't see through it. When it gets known, I shall be the joke of the town.

cum extemplo ad forum advenero, omnes loquentur: "hic illest senex doctus, quoi verba data sunt." sed Ergasilus estne his, procul quem video? conlecto quidem est pallio. quidnam acturust? The moment I appear at the forum they'll all be saying, "Here comes that smart old fellow that got humbugged." (observing Ergasilus) But isn't that Ergasilus I see over there? With his cloak all tucked up, too! Now what in the world is he going to do? (steps aside)

Erg.Erg.

790 Move aps te moram atque, Ergasile, age hanc rem. eminor interminorque, ne mi obstiterit obviam nisi quis satis diu vixisse sese homo arbitrabitur. nam qui obstiterit, ore sistet. (with burlesque importance and bustle) No dawdling now, Ergasilus! At it, my boy, at it! I give you to wit by all the law's pains and penalties that no man stand in my way, unless he thinks he has lived long enough. For the man that does stand in my way shall stand on his head. (squares off and delivers lusty blows at imaginary passers-by)

HegioHegio

Hic homo pugilatum incipit. (aside) The fellow is going in for a boxing match!

Erg.Erg.

Facere certumst. proinde ita omnes itinera insistant sua, ne quis in hanc plateam negoti conferat quicquam sui. nam meus est ballista pugnus, cubitus catapultast mihi, umerus aries, tum genu quemque icero ad terram dabo, dentilegos omnes mortales faciam, quemque offendero. I'll do it, I'm resolved. So everybody keep where they belong, and don't anyone bring his business into this street! I tell you what, my fist is a siege-gun, and this forearm is my catapult, and my shoulder is a battering ram, yes, and every man I lay my knee into will bite the earth. I'll make every man I meet a tooth-collector.

HegioHegio

Quae illaec eminatiost nam? nequeo mirari satis. (aside) What on earth does all this bluster mean? Quite unaccountable!

Erg.Erg.

Faciam ut huius diei locique meique semper meminerit.²⁰ 800 I'll make him remember this day and this place and me for ever.²⁰

HegioHegio

(802) Quid hic homo tantum incipissit facere cum tantis minis? (aside) What giant undertaking is the fellow at, with all this big talk?

Erg.Erg.

Prius edico, ne quis propter culpam capiatur suam: continete vos domi, prohibete a vobis vim meam. I give you due notice, that no one may come to grief through his own ignorance of the law: stay at home: keep away from me—I am a violent man.

HegioHegio

Mira edepol sunt, ni hic in ventrem sumpsit confidentiam. vae misero illi, cuius cibo iste factust imperiosior. (aside) Bless my soul! I'll be sworn he's got some assurance put into his inside. Heaven help the poor wretch whose larder has set him up so!

Erg.Erg.

Tum pistores scrofipasci, qui alunt furfuribus sues, quarum odore praeterire nemo pistrinum potest: eorum si quoiusquam scrofam in publico conspexero, 810 ex ipsis dominis meis pugnis exculcabo furfures. And as for the millers that keep sows, and feed waste stuff to their swine, that raise such a stench nobody can go by the mill,—if I spy a sow of any one of 'em on the public highway, I'll up with my fists and stamp the stuffing out of those sows'—owners.

HegioHegio

Basilicas edictiones atque imperiosas habet: satur homost, habet profecto in ventre confidentiam. (aside) Right royal and imperious pronunciamentos. The man is gorged: he certainly has got some assurance stowed away inside.

Erg.Erg.

Tum piscatores, qui praebent populo pisces foetidos, qui advehuntur quadrupedanti crucianti cantherio, quorum odos subbasilicanos omnes abigit in forum, eis ego ora verberabo surpiculis piscariis, ut sciant, alieno naso quam exhibeant molestiam. Then the fishmongers that travel around on a jogging, jolting gelding, and offer folk stale fish so strong it drives every last lounger in the arcade out into the forum— I'll whack their faces with their own fish baskets, just to teach 'em what an abomination they are to the public nose.

tum lanii autem, qui concinnant liberis orbas oves, qui locant caedundos agnos et duplam agninam danunt, 820 qui petroni nomen indunt verveci sectario, eum ego si in via petronem publica conspexero et petronem et dominum reddam mortales miserrumos. Yes, and the butchers, too, that bereave sheep of their little ones, that engage to sell you lambs fit for slaughter, and then give you lamb as old as two lambs, and pass off a tough old ram as a prime wether—if I spy that ram on a city thoroughfare, I'll make ram and owner the saddest men alive!

HegioHegio

Eugepae, edictiones aedilicias hic quidem habet, mirumque adeost ni hunc fecere sibi Aetoli agoranomum. (aside) Splendid! Why, he is issuing edicts like a Comptroller of the Victualling: I shouldn't be surprised if the Aetolians have made him market inspector.

Erg.Erg.

Non ego nunc parasitus sum, sed regum rex regalior, tantus ventri commeatus meo adest in portu cibus sed ego cesso hunc Hegionem onerare laetitia senem, quo homine hominum adaeque nemo vivit fortunatior? I'm no parasite now, not I! I'm a precious potent potentate of potentates, with all that invoice at the harbour for my belly—food, food! But I must hurry and load old Hegio here with ecstasy. There's not a luckier man alive than he!

HegioHegio

Quae illaec est laetitia, quam illic laetus largitur mihi? (aside) What ecstasy is it this ecstatic creature is going to lavish on me?

Erg.Erg.

830 Heus ubi estis? ecquis hic est? ecquis hoc aperit ostium? (pounding on Hegio's door) Hi! Where are you? Anybody here? Anybody going to open this door?

HegioHegio

Hic homo ad cenam recipit se ad me. (aside) The fellow is coming to dine with me.

Erg.Erg.

Aperite hasce ambas fores prius quam pultando assulatim foribus exitium adfero. Open this door—both doors—before I knock 'em to flinders and finish 'em for good and all!

HegioHegio

Perlubet hunc hominem colloqui. Ergasile. (aside) I should quite enjoy a word with him. (aloud) Ergasilus!

Erg.Erg.

Ergasilum qui vocat? (still pounding) Who calls Ergasilus?

HegioHegio

Respice. Vouchsafe me a look, sir.

Erg.Erg.

Fortuna quod tibi nec facit nec faciet, me iubes. sed quis est? (without turning his head) Vouchsafe you a look, eh! That is more than Good Luck does for you, or ever will do, either! Who is it, though?

HegioHegio

Respice ad me, Hegio sum. Look around this way. It's Hegio.

Erg.Erg.

Oh mihi, quantum est hominum optumorum optume, in tempore advenis. (rushing up) Oh! oh! You best of all the best men that tread the earth, you come just in time!

HegioHegio

Nescio quem ad portum nactus es ubi cenes, eo fastidis. You have hit upon some one or other at the harbour to dine with: that's why you are so haughty.

Erg.Erg.

Cedo manum. (rapturously) Give me your hand!

HegioHegio

Manum? My hand?

Erg.Erg.

Manum, inquam, cedo tuam actutum. Your hand, I say—give me your hand this instant!

HegioHegio

Tene. (doing so) Take it. (Ergasilus shakes it vigorously)

Erg.Erg.

Gaude. Rejoice!

HegioHegio

Quid ego gaudeam? Rejoice—I? What for?

Erg.Erg.

Quia ego impero, age gaude modo. Because I bid you to. Come now, rejoice!

HegioHegio

Pol maerores mi antevortunt gaudiis.²¹ 840 Good Lord, man! grief takes precedence of joy in my case.

Erg.Erg.

Iam ego ex corpore exigam omnis maculas maerorum tibi. gaude audacter. I will remove every grief spot from off your person for you this minute. Rejoice, rejoice boldly!

HegioHegio

Gaudeo, etsi nil scio quod gaudeam. Well, I am rejoicing, although I haven't the least idea why I should.

Erg.Erg.

Bene facis. iube— Much obliged! Order—

HegioHegio

Quid iubeam? (suspiciously) Order what?

Erg.Erg.

Ignem ingentem fieri. —a fire to be built, an enormous fire.

HegioHegio

Ignem ingentem? An enormous fire?

Erg.Erg.

Ita dico, magnus ut sit. That's what I say—make it a big one.

HegioHegio

Quid? me, volturi, tuan causa aedis incensurum censes? (angry) How's that? Do you think I'm going to burn my house down for your benefit, you vulture?

Erg.Erg.

Noli irascier. iuben an non iubes astitui aulas, patinas elui, ²²laridum atque epulas foveri foculis ferventibus? alium pisces praestinatum abire? Calm yourself, sir. Will you order the pots to be set near the oven, or won't you—and the platters washed—and bacon and lovely things to eat to be warmed up in fire-pans piping hot? And some one to go and lay in fish?

HegioHegio

Hic vigilans somniat. Day dreams, poor fellow!

Erg.Erg.

Alium porcinam atque agninam et pullos gallinaceos? And some one else to get pork and lamb and spring chicken?

HegioHegio

Scis bene esse, si sit unde. You know how to enjoy yourself—given the wherewithal.

Erg.Erg.

850 ²³ Pernam atque ophthalmiam, horaeum, scombrum et trygonum et cetum, et mollem caseum? And ham and river-lamprey and pickled fish, mackerel and sting ray and tunny, and nice soft cheese?

HegioHegio

Nominandi istorum tibi erit magis quam edundi copia his apud me, Ergasile. You will have more of an opportunity to mention those viands, Ergasilus, than to masticate them here at my house.

Erg.Erg.

Mean me causa hoc censes dicere? Do you suppose I'm saying this on my own account?

HegioHegio

Nec nihil hodie nec multo plus tu hic edes, ne frustra sis. proin tu tui cottidiani victi ventrem ad me afferas. What you get here to-day will be a cross between nothing and next to nothing; make no mistake about that. So bring me a stomach that is ready for your ordinary fare.

Erg.Erg.

Quin ita faciam. ut tute cupias facere sumptum, etsi ego vetem. Why, I'll make you long to squander money, you yourself, even though I should forbid it.

HegioHegio

Egone? Me?

Erg.Erg.

Tune. Yes, sir, you!

HegioHegio

Tum tu mi igitur erus es. Then you are my master, I take it.

Erg.Erg.

Immo benevolens. vin te faciam fortunatum? No, no, your whole-souled friend. Do you want me to make you a fortunate man?

HegioHegio

Malim quam miserum quidem. Rather than unfortunate, why, yes.

Erg.Erg.

Cedo manum. Give me your hand.

HegioHegio

Em manum. Here it is. (Ergasilus again shakes it fervently)

Erg.Erg.

Di te omnes adiuvant. The gods are with you!

HegioHegio

Nil sentio. I wouldn't know it.

Erg.Erg.

860 Non enim es in senticeto, eo non sentis. sed iube vasa tibi pura apparari ad rem divinam cito, atque agnum afferri proprium pinguem. You wouldn't? Well, you're out of the wood; that's why you don't twig it. But see they get the holy vessels ready for worship—quick! Yes, and have a special lamb brought in, a fat one.

HegioHegio

Cur? Why?

Erg.Erg.

Ut sacrufices. So that you may offer sacrifice.

HegioHegio

Cui deorum? To what deity?

Erg.Erg.

Mi hercle, nam ego nunc tibi sum summus Iuppiter, idem ego sum Salus, Fortuna, Lux, Laetitia, Gaudium. proin tu deum hunc saturitate facias tranquillum tibi. To me, by gad! For I'm your Jupiter Most High now, myself; and Salvation, Fortune, Light, Gladness, Joy—they're all this identical I! So mind you placate this divinity by stuffing him full.

HegioHegio

Esurire mihi videre. You need food, I fancy.

Erg.Erg.

Mi quidem esurio, non tibi. No sir, I need food I fancy, not food you fancy.

HegioHegio

Tuo arbitratu, facile patior. (smiling) Have it your own way: I'm perfectly willing to—crawl.

Erg.Erg.

Credo, consuetu's puer. Crawl? I believe you: it's a habit you—fell into—as a child.

HegioHegio

Iuppiter te dique perdant. (disgusted) Oh, you be damned, sir!

Erg.Erg.

Te hercle—mi aequom est gratias agere ob nuntium; tantum ego nunc porto a portu tibi boni: nunc tu mihi places. And by Jove, you be—grateful to me, as you ought, for my news. The glorious news from the port I'm just reporting! Now your dinner begins to tempt me.

HegioHegio

870 Abi, stultu's, sero post tempus venis. Be off, you idiot: you're behind time, you have come too late.

Erg.Erg.

Igitur olim si advenissem, magis tu tum istuc diceres; nunc hanc laetitiam accipe a me, quam fero. nam filium tuom modo in portu Philopolemum vivom, salvom et sospitem vidi in publica celoce, ibidemque illum adulescentulum Aleum una et tuom Stalagmum servom, qui aufugit domo, qui tibi surripuit quadrimum puerum filiolum tuom. Well, if I had come before, then you'd have had more reason to say that. (slowly and portentously) Now, sir, prepare for the ecstasy of which I am the vehicle. A few minutes ago at the harbour your son, your son Philopolemus, alive, safe and sound,—I saw him, saw him in a despatch boat, and along with him that young Elean and your slave Stalagmus that stole your little four year old boy.

HegioHegio

Abi in malam rem, ludis me. To the devil with you! You're making fun of me.

Erg.Erg.

Ita me amabit sancta Saturitas, Hegio, itaque suo me semper condecoret cognomine, ut ego vidi. So help me Holy Stuffing, so may she grace me with her name for evermore—I did see them, Hegio!

HegioHegio

Meum gnatum? (sceptically) My son?

Erg.Erg.

Tuom gnatum et genium meum. Your son and my guardian angel.

HegioHegio

Et captivom illum Alidensem? And that Elean prisoner?

Erg.Erg.

Μὰ τὸν Ἀπόλλω. Oui, par Hercules!

HegioHegio

880 Et servolum meum Stalagmum, meum qui gnatum surripuit? And that miserable slave of mine, Stalagmus, that kidnapped my son?

Erg.Erg.

Ναὶ τὰν Κόραν. Oui, par Hercul-aneum!

HegioHegio

Iam credo? I'm to believe that?

Erg.Erg.

Ναὶ τὰν Πραινέστην. Oui, par Pompeii!

HegioHegio

Venit? He's come?

Erg.Erg.

Ναὶ τὰν Σιγνίαν. Oui, par Sorrento!

HegioHegio

Certon? You're sure?

Erg.Erg.

Ναὶ τὸν Φρουσινῶνα. Oui, par Amalfi!

HegioHegio

Vide sis. Careful now!

Erg.Erg.

Ναὶ τὸν Ἀλάτριον. Oui, par Torre dell'Annunziata!

HegioHegio

Quid tu per barbaricas urbes iuras? What are you swearing by foreign cities for!

Erg.Erg.

Quia enim item asperae sunt ut tuom victum autumabas esse. Well, because they're the same as you said your meals were—perfect terrors.

HegioHegio

Vae aetati tuae. Plague take you!

Erg.Erg.

Quippe quando mihi nil credis, quod ego dico sedulo. sed Stalagmus quoius erat tunc nationis, cum hinc abit? My sentiments exactly, seeing you don't believe a word I tell you in sober earnest. Stalagmus, though,—what was his nationality when he disappeared?

HegioHegio

Siculus. Sicilian.

Erg.Erg.

At nunc Siculus non est, Boius est, Boiam terit: liberorum quaerundorum causa ei, credo, uxor datast. But he's no Sicilian now: he's a Gaul—he's being galled,^G anyhow, by that thing he's attached to: he's coupled with the article so as to get children, I suppose?

HegioHegio

Dic, bonan fide tu mi istaec verba dixisti? See here, have you told me all this in good faith?

Erg.Erg.

890 Bona. In good faith.

HegioHegio

Di immortales, iterum gnatus videor, si vera autumas. Great heavens! I feel like a new man, if what you say is true.

Erg.Erg.

Ain tu? dubium habebis etiam, sancte quom ego iurem tibi? postremo, Hegio, si parva iuri iurandost fides, vise ad portum. Eh? How's that? You'll still doubt me when I'd give you my sacred word on it? Very well then, Hegio, if my solemn oath is insufficient for you, go down to the harbour and see for yourself.

HegioHegio

Facere certumst. tu intus cura quod opus est. sume, posce, prome quid vis. te facio cellarium. (excited) Precisely what I will do. You go inside and attend to what's needed. Take anything you want, ask for it, get it from the store-room. I make you butler.

Erg.Erg.

Nam hercle, nisi mantiscinatus probe ero, fusti pectito. (wild with joy) Now by Jupiter, if I don't do some handsome catering, comb me down with a club!

HegioHegio

Aeternum tibi dapinabo victum, si vera autumas. I'll dinner you till doomsday, if it's true.

Erg.Erg.

Unde id? And who's to pay?

HegioHegio

A me meoque gnato. I and my son.

Erg.Erg.

Sponden tu istud? I have your word on that?

HegioHegio

Spondeo. My word.

Erg.Erg.

At ego tuom tibi advenisse filium respondeo. And for my part, my word to you is—your son has arrived.

HegioHegio

Cura quam optume potes. (making off toward harbour) Attend to everything the very best you can.

IV. 3. Scene 3.

Erg.Erg.

900 Bene ambula et redambula. illic hinc abiit, mihi rem summam credidit cibariam. di immortales, iam ut ego collos praetruncabo tegoribus, quanta pernis pestis veniet, quanta labes larido, quanta sumini absumedo, quanta callo calamitas, quanta laniis lassitudo, quanta porcinariis. A pleasant walk and—backwalk—to you. [exit Hegio.] He's gone! And the whole blessed commissariat left to me! Ye immortal gods! how I'll knock necks off backs now! Ah, ham's case is hopeless, and bacon's in a bad, bad way! And sow's udder—done for utterly! Oh, how pork rind will go to pot! Butchers and pig-dealers—won't I bustle 'em!

nam si alia memorem, quae ad ventris victum conducunt, morast. nunc ibo, ut pro praefectura mea ius dicam larido, et quae pendent indemnatae pernae, eis auxilium ut feram. Why, if I should mention all the other things that go to bolster up a belly, it would be a waste of time. I must off this minute to perform my official duties and pass judgment on bacon and help out hams that are still untried and in suspense. [exit into house hurriedly: uproar within.

IV. 4. Scene 4.

enter Page, angry and excited, from Hegio's house.

PuerPage

Diespiter te dique, Ergasile, perdant et ventrem tuom, 910 parasitosque omnis, et qui posthac cenam parasitis dabit. clades, calamitasque, intemperies modo in nostram advenit domum. quasi lupus esuriens ille metui ne in me faceret impetum. (shaking his fist at door) May all the powers of heaven destroy you, Ergasilus, and that belly of yours and all parasites and anyone that gives a parasite a meal hereafter! Disaster, devastation, a tornado, has just fallen on our house. I was afraid he'd jump at my throat like a ravening wolf!

ubi²⁴ voltus esurientis vidi, eius extimescebam impetum nimisque hercle ego illum male formidabam. ita frendebat dentibus. adveniens deturbavit totum cum carne carnarium: arripuit gladium, praetruncavit tribus tegoribus glandia; aulas calicesque omnes confregit, nisi quae modiales erant. As soon as I saw that ravenous look of his I almost died for fear he'd make a rush at me—Lord, how he did scare me, how he kept grinding his teeth! In he came and tugged down the meat, rack and all—grabbed a knife and lopped the choice bits off three necks of pork—and smashed every pot and tureen that didn't hold a peck or more!

cocum percontabatur, possentne seriae fervescere. cellas refregit omnis intus reclusitque armarium. adservate istunc, sultis, servi. ego ibo, ut conveniam senem. 920 dicam ut sibi penum alium adornet, siquidem sese uti volet; nam hic quidem, ut adornat, aut iam nihil est aut iam nihil erit. Kept asking the cook if he couldn't possibly use the big pickle vats to boil things in! Broke into all the cupboards and raided the pantry! (shouting to those within) Hi, boys! watch him, will you! I'm going to find the old man. I'll tell him, so that he can get in more victuals for himself, that is if he wants any for his own use: for to judge from the way this fellow is getting 'em out here, there's nothing left now, or won't be long. [exit.

ACTVS V ACT V

(Half an hour has elapsed.) enter Hegio, Philopolemus, Philocrates, and Stalagmus.

HegioHegio

Iovi disque ago gratias merito magnas, quom reducem tuo te patri reddiderunt quomque ex miseriis plurimis me exemerunt, quae adhuc te carens dum hic²⁵ fui sustentabam, quomque hunc conspicor in potestate nostra, quomque huius reperta est fides firma nobis. (to Philopolemus) I thank God with all my heart, as I ought, for bringing you back to your father, and for relieving me of the dreadful anguish I've been enduring as day after day went by, and I still here without you; yes, and for letting me see this rascal (indicating Stalagmus) in my power, and for this gentleman's (indicating Philocrates) proving himself a man of honour in standing by his promise to us.

Philop.Philop.

Satis iam dolui ex animo, et cura me satis et lacrumis maceravi, satis iam audivi tuas aerumnas, ad portum mihi quas memorasti. hoc agamus. (seeing Philocrates is getting impatient) I've had quite enough bitter suffering, and enough of wearing myself out with anxiety and weeping, too, and I've heard quite enough of your distress of which you told me at the harbour, father! So now to the main point. (turns to Philocrates)

Philocr.Philocr.

930 Quid nunc, quoniam tecum servavi fidem tibique hunc reducem in libertatem feci? (to Hegio) What of me, sir, now that I have kept faith with you and secured the liberty of your son here?

HegioHegio

Fecisti ut tibi, Philocrates, numquam referre gratiam possim satis, proinde ut tu promeritu's de me et filio. After the way you have acted, Philocrates, I'm entirely unable to show gratitude enough for your treatment of me and my son.

Philop.Philop.

Immo potes, pater, et poteris et ego potero, et di eam potestatem dabunt ut beneficium bene merenti nostro merito muneres; sicut tu huic²⁶ potes, pater mi, facere merito maxume. No, no, you are able, father, yes, and always will be able, and so shall I be, and Heaven will give you the ability to do a deserved kindness to a man that has been so kind to us. It's just as with this slave here, (pointing to Stalagmus) father dear; you're able to give him his full deserts.

HegioHegio

Quid opust verbis? lingua nullast qua negem quidquid roges. (to Philocrates) It's plain enough, sir,—I have no tongue with which to refuse a request of yours.

Philocr.Philocr.

Postulo abs te, ut mi illum reddas servom, quem hic reliqueram pignus pro me, qui mihi melior quam sibi semper fuit, 940 pro bene factis eius ut ei pretium possim reddere. What I ask you to do is to give me back the slave I left here as security for myself—he was always ready to sacrifice himself for me!—so that I can reward him for his kindnesses.

HegioHegio

Quod bene fecisti referetur gratia id quod postulas; et id et aliud, quod me orabis, impetrabis. atque te nolim suscensere quod ego iratus ei feci male. You have been kind to us, sir, and I shall be glad to do as you ask; both that request, and any other, will be granted. (embarrassed) And—and I trust you won't be incensed at me for getting angry and treating him badly.

Philocr.Philocr.

Quid fecisti? (anxiously) What did you do?

HegioHegio

In lapicidinas compeditum condidi, ubi rescivi mihi data esse verba. I had him fettered and put down in the stone quarries when I found out I had been imposed upon.

Philocr.Philocr.

Vae misero mihi, propter meum caput labores homini evenisse optumo. God forgive me! To think of the splendid fellow suffering so, and all for my sake!

HegioHegio

At ob eam rem mihi libellam pro eo argenti ne duis. gratiis a me, ut sit liber, ducito. Well, sir, this being so, you needn't give me a single farthing for him: take him from me gratis—he is a free man.

Philocr.Philocr.

Edepol, Hegio. facis benigne. sed quaeso, hominem ut iubeas arcessi. Well, well, Hegio, many thanks! But have him sent for, I beg you.

HegioHegio

Licet. 950 ubi estis vos? ite actutum Tyndarum huc arcessite, vos ite intro. interibi ego ex hac statua verberea volo erogitare, meo minore quid sit factum filio. vos lavate interibi. By all means (calling to slaves in house) Where are you? [enter overseers.] Quick! go bring Tyndarus here. [exeunt overseers] (to Philopolemus and Philocrates) As for you lads, step inside. Meanwhile I want to inquire of this whipping post here (pointing to Stalagmus) what was done with my younger son. You can take a bath meanwhile.

Philop.Philop.

Sequere hac. Philocrates, me intro. Come along in with me, Philocrates.

Philocr.Philocr.

Sequor. Certainly. [exeunt.

V. 2. Scene 2.

HegioHegio

Age tu illuc procede. bone vir, lepidum mancupium meum. (to Stalagmus) Come now, you! Over there with you, (pointing) my good sir, my charming piece of property.

Stal.Stal.

Quid me oportet facere, ubi tu talis vir falsum autumas? fui ego bellus, lepidus. bonus vir numquam, neque frugi bonae, neque ero umquam, ne erres: spem ponas me bonae frugi fore. (sullenly) What can you look for from me, when a fine gentleman like you tells lies? I've had my day as a dandy, a charmer; a good sir, or good for anything, I never was, and I never will be, make no mistake, don't you build up hopes I will be good for anything.

HegioHegio

Propemodum ubi loci fortunae tuae sint facile intellegis. si eris verax, tua ex re, facies ex mala meliusculam. 960 recte et vera loquere, sed neque vere neque tu recte adhuc fecisti umquam. You have no difficulty in appreciating your position pretty fairly well. Now be truthful, and you'll be acting to your own advantage and make a bad prospect somewhat better. Out with your story, make it straightforward and honest—virtues you have never displayed hitherto, however.

Stal.Stal.

Quod ego fatear, credin pudeat cum autumes? When I'm ready to admit a thing myself d'ye think I should be ashamed of it just because you say it's so?

HegioHegio

At ego faciam ut pudeat, nam in ruborem te totum dabo. I'll make you ashamed, though: (savagely) I tell you what, I'll make one big blush of you.

Stal.Stal.

Eia, credo ego imperito plagas minitaris mihi. tandem ista aufer ac dic quid fers, ut feras hinc quod petis. (ironically) La! La! I'm promised a whipping, it seems, and I such a novice at it—oh, yes I am! Look here, get done with that talk and say what you've got to propose, so as to get what you're after.

HegioHegio

Satis facundu's. sed iam fieri dicta compendi volo. Quite a gift of tongue, sir! But oblige me by saving some of it for the moment.

Stal.Stal.

Ut vis fiat. Anything you like.

HegioHegio

Bene morigerus fuit puer, nunc non decet. hoc agamus. iam animum advorte ac mihi quae dicam edissere.²⁷ (967) (half aside) That compliance he showed as a boy hardly becomes him at present. (aloud) To business! Now then, pay attention and answer me fully.

Stal.Stal.

(969) Nugae istaec sunt. non me censes scire quid dignus siem? Rot! Don't you suppose I know what I deserve?

HegioHegio

970 At ea subterfugere potis es pauca, si non omnia. Well, you have a chance to escape a little of it, if not all.

Stal.Stal.

Pauca effugiam, scio; nam multa evenient, et merito meo, quia et fugi et tibi surripui filium et eum vendidi. Little enough I'll escape, I know that; for there'll be plenty coming, and it serves me right, seeing I ran away and kidnapped your son and sold him.

HegioHegio

Cui homini? To whom?

Stal.Stal.

Theodoromedi in Alide Polyplusio, sex minis. (drawling) Theodoromedes Goldfields, in Elis, for twenty-four pounds.

HegioHegio

Pro di immortales, is quidem huius est pater Philocrati. God bless my soul! Why, he is the father of Philocrates here!

Stal.Stal.

Quin melius novi quam tu et vidi saepius. Well, I know him better than you, and I've seen him oftener.

HegioHegio

Serva, Iuppiter supreme, et me et meum gnatum mihi. Philocrates, per tuom te genium obsecro, exi, te volo. God Almighty, save me and save my boy for me! (running to door and shouting) Philocrates! Here, here, come, on your life! I want you!

V. 3. Scene 3.

[enter Philocrates.

Philocr.Philocr.

Hegio, assum. si quid me vis, impera. Here I am, Hegio. If I can be of any service, command me.

HegioHegio

Hic gnatum meum tuo patri ait se vendidisse sex minis in Alide. (beside himself) This fellow says my son—he sold him to your father—for twenty-four pounds—in Elis!

Philocr.Philocr.

Quam diu id factum est? How long ago was this?

Stal.Stal.

980 His annus incipit vicensimus. Going on for twenty years.

Philocr.Philocr.

Falsa memorat. He's lying.

Stal.Stal.

Aut ego aut tu. nam tibi quadrimulum tuos pater peculiarem parvolo puero dedit. (indifferent) One of us is. As a matter of fact, your father gave you a little four year old boy for your own, when you were nothing but a youngster yourself.

Philocr.Philocr.

Quid erat ei nomen? si vera dicis, memoradum mihi. (interested) What was his name? If your story is true, come, tell me that.

Stal.Stal.

Paegnium vocitatust, post vos indidistis Tyndaro. Styled Pettie, he was: later on you folks called him Tyndarus.

Philocr.Philocr.

Cur ego te non novi? How is it I don't know you?

Stal.Stal.

Quia mos est oblivisci hominibus neque novisse cuius nihili sit faciunda gratia. Because it's the regular thing to forget a fellow and cut him, in case his good will can't help you at all.

Philocr.Philocr.

Dic mihi, isne istic fuit, quem vendidisti meo patri, qui mihi peculiaris datus est? Tell me, was that boy you sold my father the same one that was given me for my own?

Stal.Stal.

Huius filius. (with a nod in Hegio's direction) His son.

HegioHegio

Vivitne is homo? (eagerly) Is he alive, this—man?

Stal.Stal.

Argentum accepi, nil curavi ceterum. I got the money: that's all I bothered about.

HegioHegio

Quid tu ais? (to Philocrates) What do you say?

Philocr.Philocr.

990 Quin istic ipsust Tyndarus tuos filius, ut quidem hic argumenta loquitur. nam is mecum a puero puer bene pudiceque educatust usque ad adulescentiam. Why, it's Tyndarus himself that is your son, at least according to this fellow's evidence. For Tyndarus has been brought up with me from the time we were boys, and brought up in good honest fashion.

HegioHegio

Et miser sum et fortunatus, si vos vera dicitis; eo miser sum quia male illi feci, si gnatust meus. eheu, quom ego plus minusve feci quam me aequom fuit. quod male feci crucior; modo si infectum fieri possiet. sed eccum incedit huc ornatus haud ex suis virtutibus. I feel miserable and happy both, if what you two say is true! Miserable at having been so hard on him, if he is my own boy! Dear, dear! how much more I've done than I ought, or how much less! It's torment, to think of the horrible thing I've done—oh, if it could only be undone! (looking down street) Look, though,—there he comes! To be decked out like that, the noble fellow!

V. 4. Scene 4.

enter Tyndarus escorted by overseers. he is heavily ironed and carries a crowbar.

Tynd.Tynd.

Vidi ego multa saepe picta, quae Acherunti fierent cruciamenta, verum enim vero nulla adaeque est Acheruns 1000 atque ubi ego fui, in lapicidinis. illic ibi demumst locus, ubi labore lassitudo est exigunda ex corpore. (dryly) I have seen a good many pictures whose subject was torture in Hell: but upon my soul, there is no hell that can match those stone quarries where I've been. That place down there is certainly the one where a weary man can be dead sure of working off his tired feeling.

nam ubi illo adveni, quasi patricus pueris aut monerulae. aut anites aut coturnices dantur, quicum lusitent itidem mi haec advenienti upupa, qui me delectem, datast sed erus eccum ante ostium, et erus alter eccum ex Alide rediit. Why, when I got there it was just like your young scions of the nobility being given daws or ducks or quails for playfellows: my own case exactly—the moment I arrived they gave me this crow to have a lark with. (looking toward Hegio's house) But there's my master in front of the door—and, yes, my other master back from Elis!

HegioHegio

Salve, exoptate gnate mi. Oh, how are you, my own longed-for son?

Tynd.Tynd.

Hem, quid gnate mi? attat. scio cur te patrem adsimules esse et me filium: quia mi item ut parentes lucis das tuendi copiam. Eh? "My son?" How's that? (pauses, then with a weary laugh) Ah, yes, yes, I see the point of your father and son chaff: just as parents do, you give me a chance to behold the light of day.

Philocr.Philocr.

Salve, Tyndare. God bless you, Tyndarus!

Tynd.Tynd.

Et tu, quoius causa hanc aerumnam exigo. And you, sir, for whose sake I'm undergoing this confounded experience.

Philocr.Philocr.

1010 At nunc liber in divitias faxo venies. nam tibi pater hic est; hic servos, qui te huic hinc quadrimum surpuit. vendidit patri meo te sex minis, is te mihi parvolum peculiarem parvolo puero dedit: illic indicium fecit; nam hunc ex Alide huc reduximus. But now you shall be a free man, Tyndarus, and a rich one, I promise you. For here is (indicating Hegio) your father; this slave (indicating Stalagmus) stole you away from him here when you were four years old and sold you to my father for twenty-four pounds. And when we were both small boys, father gave you to me for my own. That fellow there has proved it all; you see we brought him back here from Elis.

Tynd.Tynd.

Quid huius filium? (dazed) What about his son?

Philocr.Philocr.

(1015) Intus eccum fratrem germanum tuom.²⁸ Look—inside there—your own brother!²⁸

Tynd.Tynd.

(1023) Nunc edepol demum in memoriam regredior, audisse me quasi per nebulam, Hegionem meum patrem vocarier. Great heavens! When I think back I do now at last remember hearing—in a cloudy sort of way—my father called Hegio!

HegioHegio

Is ego sum. (embracing him) I am that Hegio!

Philocr.Philocr.

Compedibus quaeso ut tibi sit levior filius atque huic gravior servos. (to Hegio, pointing to the shackles on Tyndarus). Those irons, sir,—for mercy's sake get yourself a lighter son, and him a heavier slave. (indicating Stalagmus)

HegioHegio

Certum est principio id praevortier. eamus intro, ut arcessatur faber, ut istas compedes tibi adimam, huic dem. Yes, yes, I must see to that first of all. Let's go inside and have a blacksmith sent for, so that I may get those irons off of you and make this fellow (turning to Stalagmus) a present of them.

Stal.Stal.

Quoi peculi nihil est, recte feceris. Thanks awfully—seeing I haven't a thing I can call my own. [exeunt omnes.

EPILOGUE

CATERVA SPOKEN BY THE COMPANY.

Spectatores, ad pudicos mores facta haec fabula est, 1030 neque in hac subigitationes sunt neque ulla amatio nec pueri suppositio nec argenti circumductio, neque ubi amans adulescens scortum liberet clam suom patrem. Spectators, this play was composed with due regard to the proprieties: here you have no vicious intrigues, no love affair, no supposititious child, no getting money on false pretences, no young spark setting a wench free without his father's knowledge.

huius modi paucas poetae reperiunt comoedias, ubi boni meliores fiant. nunc vos, si vobis placet et si placuimus neque odio fuimus, signum hoc mittite: qui pudicitiae esse voltis praemium, plausum date. Dramatists find few plays such as this which make good men better. Now, if you so please, and if we have pleased you and have not been boring, intimate as much: you who wish virtue to be rewarded, give us your applause.