XXXI. THAT OF THE CONVERTED CANNIBALS.

Upon an island, all alone,

They lived, in the Pacific;

Somewhere within the Torrid Zone,

Where heat is quite terrific.

'Twould shock you were I to declare

The many things they did not wear,

Altho' no doubt

One's best without

Such things in heat terrific.

Though cannibals by birth were they,

Yet, since they'd first existed,

Their simple menu day by day

Of such-like things consisted:

Omelets of turtle's eggs, and yams,

And stews from freshly-gathered clams,

Such things as these

Were,—if you please,—

Of what their fare consisted.

But after dinner they'd converse,

Nor did their topic vary;

Wild tales of gore they would rehearse,

And talk of missionary.

They'd gaze upon each other's joints,

And indicate the tender points.

Said one: "For us

'Tis dangerous

To think of missionary."

Well, on a day, upon the shore,

As flotsam, or as jetsum,

Some wooden cases,—ten, or more,—

Were cast up. "Let us get some,

And see, my friend, what they contain;

The chance may not occur again,"

Said good Who-zoo.

Said Tum-tum, "Do;

We'll both wade out and get some."

The cases held,—what do you think?—

"Prime Missionary—tinned."

Nay! gentle reader, do not shrink

The man who made it sinned:

He thus had labelled bloater-paste

To captivate the native taste.

He hoped, of course,

This fraud to force

On them. In this he sinned.

Our simple friends knew naught of sin,

They thought that this confection

Was missionary in a tin

According to direction.

For very joy they shed salt tears.

"'Tis what we've waited for, for years,"

Said they. "Hooray!

We'll feast to-day

According to direction."

"'Tis very tough," said one, for he

The tin and all had eaten.

"Too salt," the other said, "for me;

The flavour might be beaten."

It was enough. Soon each one swore

He'd missionary eat no more:

Their tastes were cured,

They felt assured

This flavour might be beaten.

And, should a missionary call

To-day, he'd find them gentle,

With no perverted tastes at all,

And manners ornamental;

He'd be received, I'm bound to say,

In courteous and proper way;

Nor need he fear

To taste their cheer

However ornamental.