XV. THAT OF THE RIVAL HAIRDRESSERS.

In the fashionable quarter

Of a fashionable town

Lived a fashionable barber,

And his name was Mister Brown.

Of hair, the most luxuriant,

This person had a crop,

And—a—so had his assistants,

And—the boy who swept the shop.

He had pleasant manners—very—

And his smile was very bland,

While his flow of conversation

Was exceptionally grand.

The difficulty was that he

Did not know when to stop;

Neither did his good assistants,

Nor—the boy who swept the shop.

He'd begin about the weather,

And remark the day was fine,

Or, perhaps, "it would be brighter

If the sun would only shine."

Or, he'd "noticed the barometer

Had fallen with a flop;

And—a—so had his assistants,

And—the boy who swept the shop."

Then the news from all the papers

(Most of which you'd heard before)

He would enter into fully,

And the latest cricket score;

Or, political opinions,

He'd be pleased with you to swop;

And—a—so would his assistants,

Or—the boy who swept the shop.

At the Stock Exchange quotations

Mister Brown was quite au fait,

And on betting, or "the fav'rit',"

He would talk in knowing way;

Then into matters personal

He'd occasionally drop,

And—a—so would his assistants,

Or—the boy who swept the shop.

He'd recommend Macassar oil,

Or someone's brilliantine,

As "a remedy for baldness."

'Twas "the finest he had seen."

And he'd "noticed that your hair of late

Was thinning on the top."

And—a—"so had his assistants,

And—the boy who swept the shop."

Now one day, nearly opposite,

Another barber came,

And opened an establishment

With quite another name.

And Brown looked out and wondered

If this man had come to stop.

And—a—so did his assistants,

And—the boy who swept the shop.

But they didn't fear their neighbour,

For the man seemed very meek.

He'd no flow of conversation,

And looked half afraid to speak.

So Brown tittered at his rival

(Whose name happened to be Knopp);

And—a—so did his assistants,

And—the boy who swept the shop.

But somehow unaccountably

Brown's custom seemed to flow

In some mysterious sort of way

To Knopp's. It was a blow.

And Brown looked very serious

To see his profits drop.

And—a—so did his assistants

And—the boy who swept the shop.

And I wondered, and I wondered

Why this falling off should be,

And I thought one day I'd step across

To Mister Knopp's to see.

I found him very busy

With—in fact—no time to stop,

And—a—so were his assistants.

And—the boy who swept his shop.

Mister Knopp was very silent,

His assistants still as mice;

All the customers were smiling,

And one whispered, "Ain't it nice?"

"Hey? You want to know the reason?

Why, deaf and dumb is Knopp,

And—a—so are his assistants,

And—the boy who sweeps the shop."