Volume 6 / Act 6 — THE PLEASANT AND STATELY MORAL (continued 2)

PLEASURE. That bloody cur, your Spanish Tyranny, That London's Conscience would force with cruelty, I challenge him for Conscience' sake to fight A Lord of London, and I Pleasure hight. And, Shealty, when citizens dare them thus, Judge what our nobles and our courtiers dare.

POLICY. Say, if thou wilt, that London's Policy Discerns that proud Ambition of Spain; And for he comes inflam'd with London's Love, In combat let him conquer me, and have her. This is Love's favour; I her servant am.

POMP. This Lucre's favour: Pomp for her will fight.

PLEASURE. This Conscience' favour: she my mistress is.

SHEALTY. You craven English on your dunghills crow.

POMP. You Spanish pheasants crow upon your perch: But when we fire your coats about your ears, And take your ships before your walled towns, We make a dunghill of your rotten bones, And cram our chickens with your grains of gold.

SHEALTY. You will not yield?

PLEASURE. Yes, the last moneth.

SHEALTY. Farewell.

[Retire Heralds with the Pages to their places.

S. PRIDE. Vade.

POLICY. Herald, how now?

FEALTY. Yon proud Castilians Look for your service.

POMP. So do we for theirs. But, Fealty, canst thou declare to me The cause why all their pages follow them, When ours in show do ever go before?

FEALTY. In war they follow, and the Spaniard is Warring in mind.

POLICY. But that's not now the cause. Yon three are Pride, Ambition, Tyranny: Shame follows Pride, as we a proverb have; Pride goes before, and Shame comes after. Treachery ever attends upon Ambition; And Terror always with a fearful watch Doth wait upon ill-conscienced Tyranny. But why stay we to give them space to breathe? Come, Courage! let us charge them all at once.

[Let the three Lords pass towards the Spaniards, and the Spaniards make show of coming forward and suddenly depart.

POMP. What braving cowards these Castilians be? My lords, let's hang our 'scutcheons up again, And shroud ourselves, but not far off, unseen, To prove if that may draw them to some deed, Be it to batter our impressed shields.

PLEASURE. Agreed. Here, Fealty, hang them up a space.

[They hang up their shields, and step out of sight. The Spaniards come, and flourish their rapiers near them, but touch them not, and then hang up theirs; which the Lords of London perceiving, take their own and batter theirs. The Spaniards, making a little show to rescue, do suddenly slip away and come no more.

POLICY. Facing, faint-hearted, proud, and insolent, That bear no edge within their painted sheaths, That durst not strike our silly patient shields!

POMP. Up have they set their own: see, if we dare Batter on them, and beat their braving lords.

PLEASURE. Let them not yonder hang unhack'd, my lords.

POLICY. With good advice, that we be not surprised.

POMP. And good enough myself will onset give[275] On Pride's. At your Peacock, sir.

PLEASURE. At Tyranny's will I bestow my blow, Wishing the master.

POLICY. I at Ambition's strike. Have at his pampered jade!

Enter S. PRIDE.

S. PRIDE. Fuoro Viliagos! fuoro Lutheranos Ingleses! fuoro, sa, sa, sa!

POMP. Their shields are ours: they fled away with shame. But, lordings, whiles the stratagem is fresh, And memory of their misfortune green, Their hearts yet fainting with the novel grief, Let us pursue them flying: if you say it, Haply we may prevent their passage yet.

POLICY. With speed and heed the matter must be done.

PLEASURE. Therefore you, Policy, shall our leader be.

[Exeunt omnes.

Enter [the] three Ladies and NEMO.

NEMO. The day is ours: fair ladies, let us joy The joyful day that all men may rejoice; Yet only I am thankful for this good, And your good day at hand approacheth fast, Wherein you shall be join'd to three such lords, As all the cities under heaven's bright cope Cannot with all their glory match in worth. Lucre, Lord Pomp a victor comes to thee: Love, look thou for Lord Policy as well; And Conscience for her well-reformed phere, Pleasure, that only made his choice of her. Upon that day triumphant shall we feast, Wherein, mesdames, your honours nill be least.

LUCRE. Against their coming, might my reed be heard[276], Prepare would we garlands of laurel green, To welcome them; more for the common good, Than for affection private that we bear.

LOVE. To meet them coming will not be amiss; But what know we, how they will take such work?

CONSCIENCE. Report may be much more than there is cause. We may them meet and greet with joyful hearts, And make them garlands, when we know their minds.

Enter the three Lords, with the Spanish shields, and DILIGENCE.

NEMO. And here they come with new-impressed shields.— My lords, well-met, and welcome from your foes.

LUCRE. Lord Pomp, well-met, and welcome home again.

LOVE. Lord Policy, well-met, and welcome home again.

CONSCIENCE. Lord Pleasure, welcome with unfeigned heart.

PLEASURE. Fair joy and lady, twenty thousand thanks.

POLICY. Fair Love and lady, twice as many thanks.

POMP. Fair and beloved Lucre, though I speak last, As kindly I thy welcome do accept, As heart can think, pen write, or tongue can tell.

NEMO. Now speak, my lords, how have ye sped?

POLICY. Right well; thanks unto Him that gave the day to us. The Pride of Spain was cloak'd with majesty, And Shame, his page, nicknamed Modesty: Spanish Ambition Honour would be call'd, And Treachery, his page, term'd Action: Their Tyranny was cleped Government; Terror, his page, was falsely nam'd Regard; But God above hath given them their reward. They with dishonour left their shields behind, The only prizes purchas'd by us now, And those, fair ladies, we present to you. Love, this is thine, and he that gives it thee.

NEMO. In lieu whereof your gift and her I give Again to you, that merit more than both.

POLICY. The greatest gift and good could me befall.

POMP. Fair Lucre, lo, my present and myself.

LUCRE. Which I, with Nemo's license, gladly take.

NEMO. Take her, Lord Pomp; I give her unto thee, Wishing your good may ten times doubled be.

POMP. The richest[277] good this world could give to me.

PLEASURE. Of duty I, my dear, must give thee this: That art my comfort and my earthly bliss.

NEMO. Now, lords, I hope you are contented all: Pomp with his Lucre, Policy with Love, Pleasure with Conscience: joy fall you from above. And thus to you my promise is perform'd, And I expect that yours as well be kept, That present preparation may be made To honour those with holy marriage rites, That I, in presence of the world, may give These as my daughters unto you my sons.

POLICY. By my consent one day shall serve us all, Which shall be kept for ever festival.

POMP. And on that day, in honour of these dames, These shields in triumph shall be borne about.

PLEASURE. With pageants, plays, and what delights may be, To entertain the time and company.

NEMO. So it please you, lordings, methinks it were meet, That the ladies took care to provide their own toys. Myself need to help them, who know their minds well, For I can keep women both quiet and constant.

POLICY. It pleaseth us well that you will take the pains. Fair ones, for a while ye[278] betake you to your business.

POMP. Ladies, adieu.

PLEASURE. Beloved, farewell.

[The Lords bring them to the door, and they go out [FRAUD and DISSIMULATION enter disguised], and FRAUD[279] gives POLICY a paper, which he reads, and then says:

POLICY. It seems by this writing, sir, you would serve me. Is your name Skill? whom did you serve last?

FRAUD. An ill master, my lord: I served none but myself.

POLICY. Have ye never served any heretofore?

FRAUD. Yes, divers, my lord, both beyond sea and here. With your patience, my good lord, not offending the same, I think I am your poor kinsman: your lordship, Policy, and I Skill, if it like ye.

POLICY. You say very well, and it is very like. I will answer ye anon.

[DISSIMULATION gives PLEASURE a paper, which he reads, and says:

PLEASURE. Is your name Fair Semblance, that wish to serve me?

DISSIMULATION. Please your lordship, Fair Semblance. I am well-seen, though I say it, in sundry languages meet for your lordship, or any noble service, to teach divers tongues and other rare things.

PLEASURE. I like ye very well; stay a while for your answer.

Enter USURY, and gives a paper to POMP, which he reads, and saith:

POMP. Master Usury, I thank ye that ye offer me your service; it seems to me to be for your old mistress' sake, Lady Lucre. Stay but a while; I will answer you with reason.

[The three Lords go together and whisper, and call DILIGENCE. DILIGENCE goes out for a marking-iron, and returns.

FRAUD. How now, my hearts, think ye we shall speed? [Aside.

POLICY. Diligence, come hither.

USURY. I cannot tell what you shall, but I am sure I shall. [Aside.

DISSIMULATION. I am as like as any of ye both.

USURY. Fraud!

DISSIMULATION. Whist, man; he's Skill. [Aside.

USURY. Skill, why dost thou seek to serve Lady Love? What profit will that be?

FRAUD. Tut, hold thee content: I'll serve but a while, and serve mine own turn, and away.

POMP. Master Usury, come hither. You desire to serve me: you have done Lady Lucre good service, you say, but it was against God and Conscience you did it: neither ever in your life did ye anything for Love. Well, to be short, serve me you shall not; and I would I could banish you from London for ever, or keep you close prisoner; but that is not in me; but what is, or may be, that straight you shall see. By Policy's counsel this shall be done. Diligence, bring that iron. Help me, my lords[280].

POLICY. Give me the iron. Pomp, Cousin Skill, help to hold him.

[FRAUD lays hold on him, but DISSIMULATION slip away.

Sirrah, Policy gives you this mark, do you see; A little x standing in the midst of a great C, Meaning thereby to let men understand, That you must not take above bare ten pound in the hundred at any hand: And that too much too; and so be packing quietly, And know that London's Pomp is not sustained by Usury, But by well-ventured merchandise and honest industry.

USURY. I would I had never seen ye, if this be your courtesy. [Exit USURY.

POLICY. Now, Cousin Skill, alias Filthy Fraud, No kinsman to Policy, nor friend to the state: Instead of serving me, Diligence, take him to Newgate. Ask me not why, sir: but, Diligence, if he do strive, Raise the street: he's unweaponed, and thou hast a weapon on.— And now, lords, when ye will, about our affairs let's be gone.

PLEASURE. Agreed; but what's become of Fair-semblance, my man?

POMP. A crafty villain, perceiving how we meant to Usury, slipt away.

Enter SIMPLICITY in haste, and give the Lords a paper to read.

SIMPLICITY. All hail, all rain, all frost, and all snow Be to you three Lords of London on a row! Read my supplantation, and my suit ye shall know, Even for God's sake above, and three ladies' sakes below.

FRAUD. Master Diligence, do me a favour: you know I am a gentleman.

DILIGENCE. Step aside, till my lords be gone; I'll do for you what I can. [Slip aside.

POMP. What's here, my boy, what's here? Pleasure, this suit is, sure, to you; for it's mad stuff, and I know not what it means.

PLEASURE. Neither do I. Sirrah, your writing is so intricate, that you must speak your mind; otherwise we shall not know your meaning.

POLICY. You sue for three things here, and what be they? tell them.

SIMPLICITY. Cannot you three tell, and the suit to you three? I am glad a simple fellow yet can go beyond you three great Lords of London. Why, my suit, look ye, is such a suit, as you are bound in honour to hear, for it is for the puppet-like[281] wealth. I would have no new orders nor new sciences set up in the city, whereof I am a poor freeman, and please ye, as ye may read in my bill there—Simplicity freeman. But, my lords, I would have three old trades, which are not for the commonwealth, put down.

PLEASURE. And after all this circumstance, sir, what be they?

SIMPLICITY. They be not three what-lack-ye's, as what do ye lack? fine lockram,[282] fine canvas, or fine Holland cloth, or what lack ye? fine ballads, fine sonnets, or what lack ye? a purse, or a glass, or a pair of fine knives? but they be three have-ye-any's, which methinks are neither sciences nor occupations; and if they be trades, they are very malapert trades—and more than reason.

POLICY. As how, sir? name them.

SIMPLICITY. Will you banish them as readily as I can name them? The first is, have ye any old iron, old mail, or old harness?

POMP. And what fault find ye with this?

SIMPLICITY. What fault? I promise ye, a great fault: what have you, or any man else, to do to ask me if I have any old iron? What, if I have, or what, if I have not; why should you be so saucy to ask?

PLEASURE. Why, fool, 'tis for thy good to give thee money for that that might lie and rust by thee.

SIMPLICITY. No, my lord, no; I may not call you fool: it is to mark the houses where such stuff is that, against rebels rise, there is harness and weapon ready for them in such and such houses; and what then? The rusty weapon doth wound past surgery, and kills the queen's good subjects; and the rest of the old trash will make them guns too: so it is good luck to find old iron, but 'tis naught to keep it, and the trade is crafty. And now, my Lord Policy, I speak to you, 'twere well to put it down.

POLICY. Wisely said. Which is your second? Is that as perilous?

SIMPLICITY. Yea, and worse. It is, have ye any ends of gold and silver? This is a perilous trade, covetous, and a 'ticement to murder; for, mark ye, if they that ask this should be evil-given, as Gods forbod, they see who hath this gold and silver: may they not come in the night, break in at their houses, and cut their throats for it? I tell ye, gold and silver hath caused as much mischief to be done as that: down with it.

POMP. They that have it need not show it.

SIMPLICITY. Tush! they need ask no such question: many a man hath delight to show what he hath. The trade is a 'ticing trade; down with it!

POLICY. Now, your third, sir?

SIMPLICITY. That is the craftiest of all, wherein I am disbus'd, for that goes under the colour of Simplicity: have ye any wood to cleave?

PLEASURE. A perilous thing: what hurt is there in this, sir?

SIMPLICITY. O, do you not perceive the subtlety? Why, sir, the woodmongers hire these poor men to go up and down, with their beetles and wedges on their backs, crying, Have ye any wood to cleave? and laugh to see them travel so loaden with wood and iron. Now, sir, if the poor men go two or three days, and are not set a-work (as sometimes they do), the woodmongers pay them, and gain by it, for then know they there's no wood in the city: then raise they the price of billets so high, that the poor can buy none. Now, sir, if these fellows were barr'd from asking whether there were any wood to cleave or not, the woodmongers need not know but that there were wood, and so billets and faggots would be sold all at one rate. Down with this trade: we shall sit a-cold else, my lords.

PLEASURE. I promise you, a wise suit, and done with great discretion.

SIMPLICITY. Yea, is it not? might ye not do well to make me of your council? I believe I could spy more faults in a week than you could mend in a month.

POLICY. Well, for these three faults, the time serves not now to redress.

SIMPLICITY. No, marry; for you three must be married suddenly, and your feast must be dress'd.

POMP. Against which feast repair you to Diligence, and he shall appoint you furniture and money, and a place in the show: till when, farewell.

SIMPLICITY. Farewell, my lords: farewell, my three lords; and remember that I have set each of ye a fault to mend. Well, I'll go seek Master Diligence, that he may give me forty pence against the feast, sir reverence. [Exit.

DILIGENCE and FRAUD step out[283].

DILIGENCE. What is it, Master Fraud, ye would demand of me?

FRAUD. Sir, this you know, though yourself be a man of good reckoning, yet are ye known an officer unto these three lords, and what discredit it were to me, being a noted man, to pass through the streets with you, being an officer; or if any of my friends should suspect me with you, and dog us, and see me committed to Newgate, I were utterly discredited. Here is a purse, sir, and in it two hundred angels: look, sir; you shall tell them.

DILIGENCE. Here are so indeed. What mean ye by this? I will not take these to let ye escape. [Deliver FRAUD the purse again.

FRAUD. I mean not so, sir; nor I will not give half of them to be suffered to escape; for I have done none offence, though it please them to imprison me, and it is but on commandment[284]. I shall not stay long; but I will give you this purse and gold in pawn to be true prisoner, only give me leave to go some other way, and home to my lodging for my boots and other necessaries; for there I'll leave word I am ridden out of town, and with all the haste that possibly I may, I will meet you at Newgate, and give you an angel for your courtesy. There is the purse. [FRAUD gives him a purse like the other.

DILIGENCE. I hazard, as you know, my lords' displeasure herein; and yet, to pleasure you, I will venture this once; but, I pray ye, make haste, that I be not shent. I would not for ten angels it were known.

FRAUD. If I tarry above an hour, take that gold for your tarrying. [Exit.

DILIGENCE. I do not fear that you'll forfeit so much for so little cause. [Exit.

Enter NEMO, with DESIRE, DELIGHT, and DEVOTION, the three Lords of Lincoln.

NEMO. My Lords of Lincoln, Have you such title and such interest To Love, Lucre, and Conscience as you say? Who gave you leave to have access to them? I am their father by adoption: I never knew of love 'twixt them and you; And to perpetual prison they were doom'd, From whence I only might deliver them: Which at the suit of three most matchless lords, Their countrymen, in London bred as they, I have perform'd, and freed them from their bonds; And yet have bound them in their freedom too, To Policy, to Pleasure, and to Pomp, Three Lords of London, whose they are in right, Contracted wives, and done by my consent; And even to-morrow is the marriage-day, Except your coming stay, or break it off. I will go call their lords to answer you: They (under covert-baron[285]) meddle not. [Exit.

DESIRE. Fetch them, Lord Nemo: we will here attend.

DELIGHT. Attend we may, but unto little end: The ladies are in hucksters' handling now.

DEVOTION. I would I had my time in praying spent, That I in wooing Conscience did consume.

Enter the three Lords of London and NEMO.

DESIRE. Here come the lords: let's show good countenance, man.

POMP. Yet more ado, before we can enjoy The joys of marriage with our mistresses? Be these the lords that title do pretend? My Lords of Lincoln, so we hear you be, What are your names?

DELIGHT. Devotion, Desire, and Delight.

POMP. Which comes for Lucre?

DESIRE. I Desire.

PLEASURE. Which for Conscience?

DEVOTION. I Devotion.

POLICY. Which for Love?

DELIGHT. I Delight.

POLICY. You shall be answered straight.

PLEASURE. I can answer them quickly. Ye cannot have them, nor ye shall not have them.

POLICY. Stay, Pleasure; soft. My Lord Desire, you Lucre seek: desire of Lucre (be it without reproach to you, my lord) is covetousness, which cannot be separated long from that. Read, my lord. [Point to the stone of Care.

DESIRE. In golden letters on this stone is written Care.

POLICY. Care with desire of Lucre well agrees; the rather for that London's Lucre may not be separated from London's Pomp: so you may take that stone, if ye will; but the lady you cannot have.

DESIRE. And a stone is a cold comfort, instead of Lucre.

POLICY. Devotion to Conscience (I speak now to you, my lord, that are learned) is sorrow for sin, or (in one word) read— [Points to the stone of Remorse.

DEVOTION. On this sweating-stone in brass is set Remorse.

POLICY. And that is your portion; for Conscience is bestowed on London's Pleasure, because London makes o'[286] Conscience what pleasure they use and admit, and what time they bestow therein, and to what end: so, my Lord Devotion, either that or nothing.

DEVOTION. A stone is a hard lot, instead of a lady.

POLICY. My Lord Delight, that do delight in Love, You must I love for making choice of mine. Love is my portion, and that flint is yours.

DELIGHT. Here in lead is written Charity: and what of this?

POLICY. If you be (as I doubt not) honest Delight in love, then in the best sense you can have but Charity: if you be (which I suspect not) other Delight in love, you must be noted for concupiscence, and that you will blush to be. Well, Charity is your best: then, that is your portion; for, mark ye, London's Policy joins with London's Love, to show that all our policy is for love of London's commonwealth; and so our love cannot be separate from our policy. You hear this?

DELIGHT. A flint's a hard change for so fair a wife.

POLICY. And thus, lords, Desire of Lucre may take Care; Devotion of Conscience may have Remorse; and Delight of Love may have Charity: other recompense none.

PLEASURE. And so we three leave you three with Care, Remorse, and Charity.

[Exeunt.

DESIRE. With Care and Remorse, I swear, ye do leave us; but what Charity I cannot tell.

DEVOTION. Well, yet we must use Charity, though we fail of our desire; and we are answered with such reason as is not to be gainsayed.

DELIGHT. Indeed, my lord, your calling is to persuade to charity; but if I use patience, it shall be perforce.

DEVOTION. Yet being so wisely warn'd, methinks, we should be arm'd, and take this in worth: that the world wonder no further, I will take up my hard burden of Remorse, and be gone. [Exit.

DESIRE. It is good to follow examples of good. I'll take this heavy burden of Care, and follow as I may. [Exit.

DELIGHT. Because I'll not be singular, I'll frame myself to follow, taking this cold portion of Charity as my share. [Exit.

Enter SIMPLICITY with DILIGENCE.

SIMPLICITY. Come on, Master Diligence: I have been seeking ye, as a man should seek a load of hay in a needle's eye.

DILIGENCE. And why hast thou sought me, I pray thee, so earnestly?

SIMPLICITY. Why? For this ointment, these shells, these pictures: do ye not know this countus mountus cum this da mihi?

DILIGENCE. What money? Why, do I owe thee any money?

SIMPLICITY. Owe me? Tush, no, man; what do ye talk of owing? Come, and yet I must have some certain sigillatum and deliberatum in presentia. Do you not understand, sir? Fortypence and furniture by my Lord Pomp's 'pointment against the wedding day, to be one of the showmakers. I do not say shoemakers, and yet they be honest men.

DILIGENCE. I understand thee now, and thou shalt want neither money nor furniture for that. Sawest thou not Fraud lately?

SIMPLICITY. No, a fox ferret him! for if I could find him, I would make him fast enough for cosening me of ten shillings for certain copper buttons and rings. I thought to have been a haberdasher, and he hath made me worse than a haymaker.

DILIGENCE. I may say to thee in counsel, but I'll have no words of it, he hath overreach'd me too: but if thou spy him first, let me understand; and if I see him first, thou shalt have knowledge; for I'll tell thee—but laugh not—he showed me a purse with a hundred pound in angels, which he would deliver me in pawn to be my true prisoner, because, for his credit, he was loth to go with me through the streets to Newgate. I refused it at first; but at last by his entreaty I was content to take his pawn, and thinking he had given me the right purse of gold, he had another like it, which he gave me with counters, and so went away. I never did see him since; but, mum, no words of it.

SIMPLICITY. No words, quotha! that's a stale jest; would you be cosen'd so?

DILIGENCE. Well, so it is now. Come, follow me for thy furniture and money.

[Exeunt.

Enter DISSIMULATION and FRAUD in caps, and as the rest must be for the show.

DISSIMULATION. The coast is clear: come, follow, Fraud, and fear not, for who can decipher us in this disguise? Thus may we shuffle into the show with the rest, and see and not be seen, doing as they do, that are attired like ourselves.

FRAUD. That is, to stand amongst them, and take as they take, torches or anything to furnish the show. Now, if we can pass but this day unseen, let to-morrow shift for itself as it may. I promise thee, Dissimulation, thou art very formal.

DISSIMULATION. Not more than thyself, Fraud. I would thou sawest thy picture.

FRAUD. Picture here, picture there! let us follow our business.

[Exeunt.

Enter a Wench, singing.

_Strew the fair flowers and herbs that be green, To grace the gayest wedding that ever was seen. If London list to look, the streets were ne'er so clean, Except it was, when best it might, in welcome of our Queen. Three lovely lords of London shall three London ladies wed: Strew sweetest flowers upon the stones; perfume the bridal bed.

Strew the fair flowers, &c_.

Enter first DILIGENCE with a truncheon, then a boy with POLICY'S lance and shield: then POLICY and LOVE, hand in hand: then FRAUD in a blue gown, red cap, and red sleeves, with AMBITION'S lance and shield: then a boy with POMP'S lance and shield: then POMP and LUCRE, hand in hand: then DISSIMULATION with PRIDE'S lance and shield: then a boy with PLEASURE'S lance and shield: then PLEASURE and CONSCIENCE, hand in hand: then SIMPLICITY, with TYRANNY'S lance and shield. They all going out, NEMO stays and speaks.

NEMO. These lords and ladies thus to church are gone, An honoured action to solemnise there; With greater joy will they return anon, Than Caesar did in Rome his laurel wear. Lord Policy hath Love unto his pheer; Lord Pomp hath Lucre to maintain his port; Lord Pleasure Conscience, to direct his sport. Usury is marked to be known; Dissimulation like a shadow fleets, And Simony is out of knowledge grown, And Fraud unfound in London, but by fits. Simplicity with Painful Penury sits; For Hospitality, that was wont to feed him, Was slain long since, and now the poor do need him. That Hospitality was an honest man, But had few friends, alas! if he had any; But Usury, which cut his throat as then, Was succoured and sued for by many. Would Liberality had been by thy side, Then, Hospitality, thou hadst never died. But what mean I, one of the marriage train, To mourn for him will ne'er be had again? His ghost may walk to mock the people rude: Ghosts are but shadows, and do sense delude I talk too long; for, lo, this lovely crew Are coming back, and have performed their due.

[Return as they went, saving that the blue gowns, that bare shields, must now bear torches: SIMPLICITY going about spies FRAUD, and falleth on his knees before PLEASURE and CONSCIENCE, saying—

SIMPLICITY. O Lady Conscience, that art married to Lord Pleasure, Help thy servant, Simplicity, to recover his lost treasure. A boon, my lords, all for Love and Lucre['s] sake; Even as you are true lords, help a false lout to take.

PLEASURE. Thou shalt have help: speak, what is the matter?

SIMPLICITY. See you yon fellow with the torch in his hand? E'en the falsest villain that is in this land. Let him be laid hold on, that he run not away, And then ye shall hear what I have to say.

PLEASURE. Diligence, bring him hither. Good lords and ladies, stay.

SIMPLICITY. O Master Fraud, welcome to the butts: Now I'll have my ten shillings in spite of your guts. The French canker consume ye, you were an old Frenchman! De gol' button, gol' ringa, bugla lace! you cosen'd me then. My lords, I beseech ye, that at Tyburn he may totter, For instead of gold the villain sold me copper.

PLEASURE. Is this true, Master Skill?

FRAUD. It is true in a sort, my lord. I thought to be pleasant with him, being my old acquain'ce, and disguis'd myself like an old French artificer; and having a few copper knacks, I sold them to him, to make sport, for ten shillings, which money I am content to pay him again: so shall he have no loss, though we have made a little sport.

PLEASURE. First, give him an angel before my face. Simplicity, art thou pleased?

SIMPLICITY. Truly I am pleas'd to take a good angel for ten shillings, speciously of such a debtor as Master Fraud; but now I am to be pleas'd otherwise, that is, to see him punished. I promise ye the people love him well, for they would leave work and make half-holiday to see him hanged.

PLEASURE. That his punishment may please thee the better, thou shalt punish him thyself: he shall be bound fast to yon post, and thou shalt be blindfold, and with thy torch shalt run, as it were, at tilt, charging thy light against his lips, and so (if thou canst) burn out his tongue, that it never speak more guile.

SIMPLICITY. O, singulariter nominativo, wise Lord Pleasure: genitivo, bind him to that post: dativo, give me my torch: accusativo, for I say he's a cosener: vocativo, O, give me room to run at him: ablativo, take and blind me. Pluraliter per omnes casus, Laugh all you to see me, in my choler adust, To burn and to broil that false Fraud to dust.

[Bind FRAUD, blind SIMPLICITY: turn him thrice about; set his face towards the contrary post, at which he runs, and all-to burns it. DISSIMULATION, standing behind FRAUD, unbinds him, and while all the rest behold SIMPLICITY, they two slip away; PLEASURE, missing FRAUD, saith—

PLEASURE. Wisely perform'd! but soft, sirs, where is Fraud? O notable[287] villain! gone, whiles we beheld The other. Who loos'd him? Who let him slip? Well, one day he will pay for all. Unblind Simplicity.

SIMPLICITY. How now! Have I heated his lips? Have I warm'd his nose, and scorched his face? Let me see: how looks the villain? Have I burned him?

DILIGENCE. Thou hast done more; for thou hast quite consumed him into nothing. Look, here is no sign of him; no, not so much as his ashes.

SIMPLICITY. Very few ashes, if there be any. Ye may see what a hot thing anger is: I think that the torch did not waste him so much as my wrath. Well, all London, nay, all England, is beholding to me for putting Fraud out of this world. I have consumed him and brought him to nothing, and I'll tread his ashes under my feet, that no more Frauds shall ever spring of them. But let me see: I shall have much anger; for the tanners will miss him in their leather, the tailors in their cutting out of garments, the shoemaker in closing, the tapsters in filling pots, and the very oystermen to mingle their oysters at Billingsgate: yet it is no matter; the world is well-rid of such a crafty knave.

PLEASURE. Well, now thou art satisfied, I wish all here as well contented; And we, my lords, that praise this happy day, Fall we on knees, and humbly let us pray.

POMP. First that from heaven upon our gracious queen All manner blessings may be multiplied, That as her reign most prosperous hath been, During world's length so may it still abide, And after that with saints be glorified, Lord! grant her health, heart's-ease, joy and mirth, And heaven at last, after long life on earth.

POLICY. Her council wise and noble of this land Bless and preserve, O Lord! with Thy right hand.

PLEASURE. On all the rest that in this land do dwell Chiefly in London, Lord! pour down Thy grace, Who living in Thy fear, and dying well, In heaven with angels they may have a place.

FINIS.