WHAT THEY LAUGH AT ABROAD.
Reading edition
Wit and Humor of the Foreign Jokesmiths, Culled from French, German, and Italian Periodicals, and Translated for “The Scrap Book.”
NO CAUSE FOR ALARM.
Young Doctor—Do you think the visitor is really a patient? I am afraid that he is a creditor.
Servant—Well, I heard him groaning. If he isn’t ill he must have a very big bill to collect.—Fliegende Blätter.
A WELL REGULATED LIFE.
Reporter (to old man)—How come you to be so hale and hearty at ninety?
Old Man—Regularity, sir. I have gone on a spree regularly every Sunday, since I was twenty. There is nothing like regularity.—Fliegende Blätter.
ON THEIR HONEYMOON.
She—Oh, George, I want all these people to know that I am married to you.
He—Well, my dear, you had better carry the dress-suit case and the umbrellas.—Le Rire.
LOVE OF COUNTRY.
Several men were chatting together. One of them, a Greek, was praising his country.
“Greece,” said he, “is the most beautiful land in the world. The blue heavens laugh perennially over Greece.”
“Why, that’s nothing,” said a Hungarian, “the whole world laughs over Hungary.”—Jugend.
THE CASE AND THE EXCEPTION.
Doctor (to maid)—I am Dr. Curewell. They have just telephoned me to come here immediately. How is the patient?
Maid—Oh, doctor, you have arrived too late! My master died not five minutes ago.
Doctor—Well, never mind. In this case, at least, nobody can say that I was the cause of death.—Le Rire.
AT THE INTELLIGENCE OFFICE.
The Lady—Now, remember, please, I want a very good maid and one that is absolutely discreet.
The Proprietor—You can be perfectly sure of the maid I am going to send you. She has been five years at a telephone switch-board.—Le Sourire.
AT THE DUMA.
The Delegates—We demand equal rights, liberty, and absolute pardon for political offenders.
The Czar—Peace, peace, my people! All of you that are not executed will be pardoned.
The Delegates—Huzzah! Long live the Little Father.—Il Fischietto.
IMPUDENCE.
Peggy—Only to think of it, my dear, we were entirely alone, and he had the audacity to kiss me.
Lucy—I suppose you were furious; weren’t you?
Peggy—I should say so! I was furious every single time he did it.—Le Sourire.
KEPT HIS PROMISE.
She (weeping)—Five years ago, as a bride, you promised to love me for an eternity, and here we are on the verge of divorce.
He—Well, the past five years have seemed like an eternity.—Fliegende Blätter.
GREAT PRESS OF BUSINESS.
Father—Do you know, sir, that I actually saw you embrace my daughter?
Suitor—I beg your pardon, sir. The truth is, I was so frightfully busy at the time that I failed to notice you. I sincerely hope you will forgive me.—Le Sourire.
FISHING.
She—You don’t love me any more. I know it. I feel it.
He—But, pet, I assure you, I adore you.
She—No, no, no! No man can love a woman with such old clothes as mine.—Le Rire.