Mrs. Lov. Sir Harry, all this Rhet'rick won't prevail; whether you term it Virtue, or Pride only, I am resolv'd to keep a Fame unspotted, in spight of all temptations whatsoever.

Sir Har. A Woman's obstinacy is no novelty; but where's the difference 'twixt a Mistress and a Wife. Only a Mistress has a much better Air; you shall appear as gay and fine as any; strut in Brocade, and glitter in your Jewels, 'till you put all virtuous Women out o'countenance.

Mrs. Lov. Impudence, Sir Harry, is a lewd Woman's Talent, and yet what Creature is there so much dash'd as such an one that happens among virtuous Ladies. If the Passion you profess be real, proceed with Honour, and you may be heard: Not that I speak this to increase your Vanity; Ambition only sways my Inclinations, and you must know; I have a mighty mind to be a Lady.

Sir Har. A Lady! why, my Servants shall all call you so; we'll live together like Man and Wife, and I'll be so Constant, and so full of Love, that ev'ry body shall believe we're marry'd.

Mrs. Lov. Love and Constancy, Sir Harry, will plainly tell ev'ry body we are not marry'd.

Sir Har. [aside] Have her I must; but how shall I contrive it?—Oh! a lucky Thought seizes me. Some Ladies after they have refus'd prodigious Settlements, tell 'em but a Secret, and they'll grant you any thing. I'll trump up a delicate Lie to tickle her Curiosity and serve the Collonel.——Well, Madam, since you are resolv'd to cross me, I must apply my self to those more kind tho' less agreeable, tho' had you giv'n me but the least Encouragement to have shown my opinion of your Parts as well as Person, I had trusted you with a Story worth your Attention, tho' 'tis a most prodigious Secret.

Mrs. Lov. A Secret! Sir Harry, positively, I will know it.

Sir Har, Then ev'ry body'll know it for a Secret. 'Tis a thing of that dangerous Consequence, Madam, shou'd it e'er be divulg'd, I may have my Throat cut about it; and pray, what security have I either for your Fidelity, or that in return you'll favour my Addresses.

Mrs. Lov. 'Tis well known, Sir Harry, I can keep a Secret; I have found Ladies cheat at Cards, seen Ladies steal Tea-Spoons, and have never spoke on't; nay more, I once caught a Lady making her Husband a Cuckold, and I never discover'd it.——I'll tell you who it was, my Lady Elcebeth.——

Sir. Har. Nay, Madam, you have giv'n me prodigious Proofs of your Secrecy, and I'll disclose the Matter. Collonel Blenheim having been so intollerably us'd by Lady Rodomont is just going to be marry'd to my Lady Catterwawl, the rich Widow in the Mewse.

Mrs. Lov. Indeed!

Sir Har. The Lady has regarded him some Years, and her Woman, Mrs. Squatt, has often brought him Presents and Messages which he receiv'd but coldly, admiring Lady Rodomont; but her ill treatment makes him now resolve gratefully to marry one, who not only will advance his Fortune, but intirely Loves him.

Mrs. Lov. Sir Harry, you have oblig'd me infinitely, I wou'd'nt but have known this Story for the World.

Sir Har. But when shall we be happy in each other?

Mr. Lov. I'll give you leave to hope; when I have study'd well, what Virtue is, I'll tell you more; but at present I must leave you, for I have a hundr'd and fifty Holes to mend in a lac'd Head just going to the Wash.

Sir Har. Not a Word o'the Secret.

Mrs. Lov. [angrily] Sir Harry, I'm no tattler, depend upon't; 'tis lock'd up in this Breast, safe and secure as lodg'd within your own [aside]. I'm ready to burst, 'till I tell it my Lady.

Sir Har. So she's brimful of it already.——Now Exit, for my Friend to humour the design. [Exit.

Enter Lady Rodomont, and Mrs. Lovejoy.

L. Rod. Prithee, Cozen, what is't you mean by the Collonel's going to be marry'd? You credulous Creatures, that are ignorant of the World, believe all the stuff you hear. Or suppose him going to be marry'd; why do you trouble me with such idle Stories?

Mrs. Lov. Nay, Madam, your Ladiship need'n't be discompos'd about the Matter, I only told it you as a piece o'news, and if it be no concern t'you, you may soon forget it.

L. Rod. Discompos'd, Creature! Have you had your being in my Family so long not to know nothing under the Sun's considerable enough to discompose me? But 'tis a thing impossible; it's not two Hours since he kneel'd to me, said his sole Happiness depended on my Smiles, with utmost Arguments enforc'd his Passion, faulter'd, look'd pale, and trembl'd as he spoke it: Not that I who have had foreign Princes at my Feet, value the conqu'ring an English Collonel; but I that know my Power infallible, drew him by policy to that Confession, to have him, as I wou'd have all Mankind, my Slave.

Mrs. Lov. Sir Harry, Madam, affirm'd it with that unaffected Air of Truth, enjoyn'd me so strict a Secrecy in the Matter, saying, if't were discover'd his Life might be in danger; that you must pardon me, Madam, if I can't help believing it.

L. Rod. Cozen, you that have never been beyond Tunbridge-Wells, must'nt dispute with me that know the Intreagues of ev'ry Court and Country. Matches an't so easily made up, nor is it probable my slighting him, shou'd make another Lady value him; if it be true, he must have been in League with her some time, and, certainly, I shan't care to be banter'd.——But I'll know that presently;—Where are all my Fellows? prithee, Cozen, bid one of 'em come, hither. [Exit Mrs. Lov.

Enter Footman.

Who order'd you, you fat, heavy heel'd Booby; you are two Hours creeping to the Gate? Call another,—

Enter another Footman.

Nor you you Sot, you'll loiter at ev'ry Ale-house you come to. Send in the Yorkshire Footman that's never out o'breath;——

Enter a Third.

This Fellow's an intollerable Fool too; d'you hear Changling, go to Young Man's Coffee-house, enquire for Collonel Blenheim; if he's not there, run to the Smyrna, White's, Tom's, Will's, Offendo's, and the Gaunt; tell him I desire to speak with him presently; search the Park, the Play house, and all the Taverns and Gaming-houses you can think on; for, positively, if you don't find him, I'll immediately turn you off.

Re-enter Mrs. Lovejoy.

Mrs. Lov. I hope, Madam, your Ladiship's not displeas'd with me; 'tis my int'rest to oblige in ev'ry thing, where daily I receive such numerous Favours. [Aside]. She has the Money, and I must submit, tho' 'tis well known, I'm of a much better Family.

L. Rod. Excuse me, dear Cozen, and don't imagine the most finish'd Cavalier cou'd shake my firm Resolves; but when a Fellow's arrogance shall dare to proffer his unwelcome worthless Love, then villainously act the same Part elsewhere; Honour won't let me tamely acquiesce.

Mrs. Lov. Madam, Mr. Nicknack desires the favour of kissing your Hands.

L. Rod. Pray admit him, Cozen, he's rich and personable, very good humour'd, and no Fool: His aspiring at me does indeed show a prodigious stock of Vanity; but 'tis a failing, People o'the best Sense are liable to, and I had rather prove a Man too ambitious than to have no spirit at all.

Enter Nicknack.

Mr. Nicknack, I'm so us'd to you of late, methinks your absence gives me some Chagrin; where have you been this tedious long half Hour?

Nick. When we flung up the Cards, Madam, I went to see the two Children that grow together; I wish 'twere your Ladiship's case and mine.

L. Rod. We shou'd rejoice to be parted agen.

Nick. But has your Ladiship contemplated prodigiously o'the Matter? For really, Madam, I begin to find my self in more hast than I thought I was.

L. Rod. Already, Mr. Nicknack, you're too hasty; tho' I have this opinion of you, a Match with you requires less pro and con than with some others; but I fancy People look so silly when they're going to be marry'd, to see 'em walk demurely up the Church, so sheepishly consenting and asham'd; with shoals of gaping Fools, that crowd about 'em, as if a Marriage were a Miracle; prithee, Mr. Nicknack, that I may guess a little at the Matter for a Frollick, let my Footman marry you, and my Cozen together.

Mrs. Lov. Mr. Nicknack, and I, Madam.

Nick. Mrs. Lovejoy, and I, Madam, a very good Jest i'faith.

L. Rod. But you must believe, you're really marry'd, or how shall I discover the true Air of it?

Nick. But, Madam, is not believing what one knows to be false, somewhat like a Tradegy Actress; who while she's playing a Queen or Empress, is full as haughty, and thinks her self as great.

L. Rod. Oh! a strong faith often deprives People of their Senses.

Nick. Nay, Madam, I have frequently told monstrous Stories, 'till I ha' believ'd 'em my self.

L. Rod. We'll step into the next Room, I have a Fellow too that has the best Puritanical Face you ever saw; but the Society o'the Livery has secur'd him from ever being a Saint. [Exeunt

SCENE, Lady Tossup's.

Enter Lady Tossup, and Mrs. Flimsy.

Flim. Madam, the Major desires the Honour of kissing your Ladyship's Hands.

L. Toss. The Major, Flimsy! What Major? Major Bramble; What business can the Major have with me?

Flim. Perhaps, Madam, he's come to pretend to your Ladyship. I have often caught him rolling his Eyes at your Ladyship, and several times o'late, he has watch'd above an Hour at the Tabernacle Door to see your Ladyship come out.

L. Toff. It may be so? but he's old, Flimsy.

Flim. He's not quite Fifty, Madam, and they say, He has his Health very well.

L. Toss. Nay, he's rich; but, I hear, he makes Love to Lady Rodomont; if he slights her for me, I shall receive him more candidly to be reveng'd on her for affronting me in the Park—Pray Flimsy introduce him.

Enter Bramble.

A Visit, Major, from a Person of your incessant Negotiations, and refin'd Politicks is a Grace so peculiar, that I want Assurance to receive it, and Capacity to acknowledge it.

Bram. 'Tis for my Improvement, Madam, to address a Lady whose superiour Talents so much excel those Politicks, her condescending Goodness pleases to commend in me. The great Monarch o'France thinks it his int'rest on ev'ry nice point o'State to visit the greater Madam Maintenon.

L. Toss. [aside] Nay, I always read the Votes, and can tell what nemine contradicente means. I vow the Major's Oratory is extravagantly well dress'd! I wonder, Sir, your transcending Abilities are not more taken notice of at Court! Methinks you shou'd be sent Ambassadour Extraordinary to some magnanimous Prince in Terra Incognita; for I'm certain, you must understand more Languages than were ever heard of.

Bram. Int'rest, Madam, as much depresses true Merit, as a flutt'ring Assurance over pow'rs real Beauty, otherwise my Intellects might shine as much above modern Statesmen as your Ladyship's Person wou'd out sparkle Lady Rodomont's.

L. Toss. D'you really think, Major, my Personage more complete than my Lady's?

Bram. Madam, there's no more comparison between Lady Rodomont and your Ladyship, than between a dazling Dutchess and a Wapping Head-dresser: If the surprizing Sight, and continual Idea of your Ladyship had not discompos'd my Thoughts and confounded my Politicks, the Confederates had never taken Lisle.

L. Toss. Indeed, Major, I'm very sorry for it truly [aside]. D'you hear, Flimsy, you will have me lay it on so thick; but I hope 'twill be retaken agen.

Bram. Is your Ladyship disaffected, then, to the Government?

L. Toss. The most of any body, for I have been three times at Court, and they have brought me no Chocolate.

Bram. 'Twas a prodigious Affront; and if you'll believe me, Madam, I'm disaffected to ev'ry kind o'thing but your Ladyship.

L. Toss. What if we adjourn into the Drawing-Room Major? We'll sit upon the Squabb, drink Whistlejacket, and abuse all Mankind.

Bram. Nature, Madam, has sufficiently expos'd all Mankind, in forming your Ladyship so far beyond 'em. [Exeunt.