Volume 2 / Part 2 — THE GRAND SOLEMNITY OF THE TAYLOR’S FUNERAL.

[The edition here followed was published in the year 1816, without any mention of the place of issue. It contains also the two parts of Leper the Taylor. The full title is:—‘Fun upon Fun, or, the Comical Merry Tricks of Leper the Taylor. In two Parts. To which are added, The Grand Solemnity of the Taylor’s Funeral, who lay Nine Nights on his own Shop-Board, together with his Last Will.’ It has been collated with an edition published in 1820, and with another, apparently of English origin, without date. This chap-book, as has been explained in the Introduction, Vol. I., p. 48, is believed to be the third part of Leper the Taylor; and M‘Vean has given his sanction to the conjecture by entering it in his list of Opera Dugaldi. Upon a close study of the work, however, and after a careful comparison of it with the two parts of Leper the Taylor, the editor cannot avoid the suspicion that what appears in the following pages is not the bona-fide work of Dugald Graham. That suspicion is founded not only upon the almost entire absence of Scotticisms, but also upon the mention of some customs which were certainly not common in Scotland, such, for instance, as the presentation of a sprig of rosemary to each person at a funeral, and the corpse arrest. These were more prevalent in England. While that is so, the fact that the work forms a quite consistent conclusion to the other two parts, and that Dugald did not always run in the same groove, prevents the editor from pressing this suspicion to an extreme; and he contents himself with marking the authorship as doubtful.]

THE GRAND SOLEMNITY OF THE TAYLOR’S FUNERAL.

Leper[109] in his life-time desired, That all those who came to attend his funeral, might be handsomely entertained with a half-penny-roll, and a pint of ale;[110] in memory of the many breakfasts he had made in his life-time: And furthermore desired, That those who were his former[111] relations and chief mourners, instead of a mourning ring, might be presented with a Taylor’s Thimble, in memory of his own trade, and round the rim to have this motto engraved:

Round the room hung divers remnants of black-cloth, of the Taylor’s own cabbaging, for he was very honest that way, and never cabbaged but a quarter[112] out of a yard. At the four corners of the room stood four woolen-drapers, lamenting the loss of so good a customer, with each of them a white wand in his hand, just a yard long and a parchment label hanging on their shoulders, with this motto:

At the head of the Taylor’s coffin, stood the goose triumphant, the cabbage blazoned, and the cucumber argent. On the lid of his coffin was engraven, on a brass plate, this applicable motto:

At the foot of the coffin was the sheers pendent, the bodkin rampant, and the thimble enclosed in three ermins.

When the Corpse was conveyed down stairs, each person was served decently round with a leaf of red cabbage, instead of a sprig of rosemary. Then the Corpse was hoisted on the shoulders of six piece-brokers, having each of them this motto:

The pall was supported by those who sold stay-tape, buckram, and canvas.

The Corpse was followed down Cloth-fair by thirty-six master-taylors, each having a yard in his right-hand, with a parchment streamer at the end of it, with this motto:

Next followed twenty-four[113] woolen-drapers, two-by-two, bearing on their breasts this motto:

Then followed the like number of button-makers, wringing their hands with this motto:

After these, followed a vast number of city ricketty hopper-arsed beaux, who had been padded up, and made into a complete gentlemen, by the deceased limb-trimmer, drying their watery eyes, with cambrick hankerchiefs, and having this motto engraved on their watch cases:

But to conclude the procession: Last of all, followed a numerous croud of journeymen taylors, who were all slip-shoed, their stockings about their heels, their hats off, a skein of thread hung carelessly about their necks; and their shirt collars were open, that they might have liberty to disturb their bosom friends. On their left sleeve was a cushion, whereon stuck abundance of Spanish and Whitchapel needles. The tails of their wigs were matted like horses’ manes, just as if they had come off the shop-board from work. On their left shoulders each had a long strip of parchment, whereon was written this motto:

At the bottom of Cloth-fair, the Corpse was arrested at the suit of an old herb-woman for elevenpence halfpenny,[114] which had been due a long time to the hag, for cabbages and cucumbers, which the deceased had in his life-time: However the journeymen-taylors manfully released the Corpse,[115] and afterwards marched on in ample procession to the house of one Ned Kemp, an honest piece-broker, where there was a spacious grave dug, between a large cabbage and a cucumber plant.

The FUNERAL SERMON was preached by Obadiah Backstitch, and the words of the text were these:

After which, the journeymen taylors were admitted into the house,[117] and each of them served with a halfpenny-roll, and a pint of ale, and so went weeping home, for the loss of so good a master.

THE TAYLOR’S LAST WILL.

I will and bequeath unto Simon Whipstitch,[118] my needle and thimble; unto Peter Niggle, my sheers and bodkin; and unto Mrs. Mary Laycock[118] is my Pincushion, stuck full of needles and pins, to which I sewed a watch-chain, key, and seal with which I used to strut about like a crow in a gutter.[119]

Finis.