INTRODUCTION (continued 10)

Chap. xvii.: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS RETURNED FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE EARTH, AND OF HIS STRANGE FANCIES, HIS AIRCASTLES, HIS CALCULATIONS; AND HOW HE RECKONED WITHOUT HIS HOST

Meanwhile the time drew near that I should return home; therefore the king bade me declare my wishes, whereby I understood he was minded to do me a favour. So I said, no greater kindness could be shewn me than to cause a real medicinal spring to rise on my farm. "And is that all?" answered the king, "I had thought thou wouldst have taken with thee some of these great emeralds from the American Sea and have asked to bear them with thee back to earth. Now do I see that there is no greed among you Christians." Therewith he handed to me a stone of strange and glittering colours, and said, "Put this in thy pouch, and wheresoever thou layest in on the ground, there will it begin to seek the Centre of the Earth again, and to pass through the most fitting mineralia, till it come back to us, and for our part we will send thee a noble mineral spring, that shall work thee such good and profit as thou hast deserved of us by thy declaration of the truth." So thereupon the prince of the Mummelsee took me again under his charge, and passed with me through the road and the lake by which we had come. And this way back seemed to me far longer than the way thither, so that I reckoned it at three thousand five hundred German-Swiss miles well measured; but doubtless the cause that the time seemed so long to me was that I had no speech of my escort, save that I learned from them they were from three to five hundred years old and lived all this time without the least disease.

For the rest, I was in fancy so rich with my spring that all my wits and all my thoughts were busied with this, to wit, where I should plant it and how turn it to profit. And first I had my plans for the fine buildings that I must set up that the bathing-guests might be properly accommodated, and I for my part might gain great hire for lodgings. Then I devised already by what bribes I could persuade the doctors to prefer my new miraculous spa to all the others, yea, even to that of Schwalbach, and so procure for me a crowd of rich patients: in my fantasy I even levelled whole mountains lest they that came and went should find the way wearisome to travel: already I hired sharp-witted drawers, sparing cooks, careful chambermaids, watchful grooms, spruce intendants of the baths and springs, and already I thought of a place where in the midst of the wild mountains by my farm I might plant a fine level pleasure-garden, and there rear all manner of rare plants, that the bathing-guests and their wives that came from foreign parts might walk therein, where the sick might be cheered and the sound might be amused and exercised with all manner of sports and pastimes. Then must the doctors, for a reward, write me a noble treatise on my spring and set down on paper its healing qualities; and this I would have printed with a fine plate wherein my farm should be depicted and a ground plan thereof given; by reading which any absent patient might at once believe and hope himself in health again. Then would I have all my children fetched from Lippstadt, to have them taught all that was needful to know of my new watering-place; for 'twas my intent to scarify my guests' purses well though not their backs. With such rich fancies and overweening castles in the air I came again into the upper world, for this oft-mentioned prince brought me again to land from his Mummelsee with dry clothes; and there I must forthwith cast from me the talisman that he had at first given me when he fetched me away; else had I either been choked in the air or must have plunged my head under the water again, such was the effect of the said stone. Which being done, and he having taken it to him again, we commended each other to the protection of the most High, as men that should never meet again; so he with his people dived under and sank into his depths; but I with my stone which the king had given me went thence as full of joy as if I had fetched the golden fleece home from Colchis.

But alas! my joy, of which I vainly hoped for the everlasting continuance, endured not long, for hardly was I gone from that lake of wonders when I began to go astray in that monstrous wood, for I had not marked from what direction my dad had brought me to the lake. Yet I went some way on before I was aware of my mistake, ever making calculations how I could plant that noble spring on my farm, and build round it, and earn for myself a peaceful revenue as proprietor thereof. In this way I unawares strayed further and further from the place whither I desired to come and, worst of all, I found it not out till the sun was sinking and I was helpless. For there I stood in the midst of a wilderness like Simple Simon, without food or arms, of which I might well have need during the night that was coming on. Yet I found comfort in my stone that I had brought with me from the very bowels of the earth. "Patience, patience!" said I to myself: "this will again repay thee for all sufferings undergone. All good things take time, and fine rewards be not won without great toil and labour: else would every fool need but to wipe his beard to get possession at will of even such a noble spring as thou hast in thy poke."

And having spoken thus I got with my new resolve new strength, so that I went forward with a bolder gait than heretofore, although night now overtook me. The full moon indeed shone on me brightly, but the tall fir-trees kept the light from me more than the deep sea had done that very day; yet I made my way on, till about midnight I was ware of a fire afar off, to which I straightway walked, and saw from a distance that there were certain woodmen about it, resin-gatherers; and though such folk be not at all times to be trusted yet my necessity compelled me and my own courage urged me on to speak to them. So I came quietly behind them and said, "Good night or good day or good morrow or good even, gentlemen: for tell me what hour it is that I may know how to greet ye." With that the whole six stood or sat there all a-tremble with fear and knew not what to answer me. For I, being of great stature and just at that time, by reason of mourning for my late wife, being in black raiment; and in especial having a terrible cudgel in mine hand, on which I leaned like a wild man of the woods, my figure seemed to them dreadful. "How," says I, "will none answer me?" Yet they stayed yet a good while in amazement, till at last one came to himself well enough to ask, "Who be the gentleman?" By that I heard they must be of the Swabian nation; which men esteem as simple-minded yet with little cause: so I said I was a travelling scholar, but newly come from the Venusberg, where I had learned a heap of wondrous arts. "Oho," quoth the eldest woodman, "Praise God; for now do I believe that I shall live to see peace again, because the wandering scholars are on their travels anew!"

Chap. xviii.: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS WASTED HIS SPRING IN THE WRONG PLACE

In this wise we came to converse with one another, and I found so much courtesy among them that they invited me to sit down and offered me a piece of black bread and thin cow's milk cheese, both of which I did thankfully accept. At last they became so familiar with me that they hinted I should, as a travelling scholar, tell their fortunes: and I, knowing somewhat of physiognomies and palmistry, began to tell to one after the other such stuff as I deemed would content them, that I might not lose credit with them; for in spite of all I was not at my ease among these wild woodmen. Then would they learn curious arts from me: but I fobbed them off with promises for the next day, and desired they would suffer me to rest a little. And having so played the gipsy for them. I laid myself down a little apart, more to listen and to perceive how they were minded than as having any great desire to sleep (though my appetite thereto was not lacking); and the more I snored the more wakeful they appeared. So they put their heads together and began to dispute one against another who I might be: they held that I could be no soldier because I wore black clothing, nor no townsman-blade, that could so suddenly appear far from all men's dwellings in the Muckenloch (for so was the wood called) at so unwonted a time. At the last they resolved I must be a journeyman Latinist^[42] that had lost his way, or, as I myself had declared, a travelling scholar, because I could so excellently tell fortunes. "Yea," says another, "yet he knew not all for that reason: 'tis some wandering soldier, maybe, that hath so disguised himself to spy out our cattle and the secret ways of the wood. Aha! if we knew that we would so put him to sleep that he should forget ever to wake again." But another quickly took him up, that held the contrary and would have me to be somewhat else. Meanwhile I lay there and pricked up my ears and thought, "If these clodhoppers set upon me, two or three of them will need to bite the dust before they make an end of me." But while they took counsel and I tormented myself with fears, of a sudden I found myself lying in a pool of water. O horrors! now was Troy lost and all my splendid plans gone to naught, for by the smell I perceived 'twas mine own mineral spring. With that, for very rage and despite, I fell into such a frenzy that I wellnigh had fallen on those six peasants and fought them all. "Ye godless rogues," says I to them, and therewith sprang up with my terrible cudgel, "by this spring that welleth forth where I have lain ye well may see who I am; it were small wonder if I should so trounce ye all that the devil should fetch ye, because ye have dared to cherish such evil thoughts in your hearts," and thereto I added looks so threatening and terrible that all were afraid of me. Yet presently I came to myself and perceived what folly I committed. "Nay," thought I, "'tis better to lose the spring than one's life, and that thou canst easily forfeit if thou attack these clowns." So I gave them fair words again, and before they could recollect themselves: "Arise," said I, "and taste of this noble spring which ye and all other woodmen and resin-gatherers will henceforth be able to enjoy in this wilderness through my help."

Now this my discourse they understood not, but looked one upon another like live stockfish till they saw me very soberly take the first draught out of my hat. Then one by one they arose from beside their fire, and looked upon this miracle and tasted the water; but instead of being grateful to me as they should have been, they began to curse and said they would I had chanced on some other spot with my spring: for if their lord came to know of it, then must the whole district of Dornstett do forced-work to make a road thither, which would bring great hardship upon them. "But," says I, "on the contrary, ye will all have your profit therefrom: for ye can turn your fowls, your eggs, your butter, and your cattle and the rest more easily into money." "Nay, nay," said they, "the lord will put in an innkeeper that will take all the profit alone: and we must be his poor fools to keep road and path in trim for him, and earn no thanks thereby."

But at last they disagreed: for two were for keeping the spring and four demanded of me that I should take it away; which, had it been in my power, I had willingly done whether it pleased them or teased them. So as day began to break, and I had no more to do there, but must rather take heed lest we came together by the ears, I said that unless they were minded that all the cows in that valley should give red milk as long as the spring flowed they must presently shew me the way to Seebach; with which they were content, and to that end sent two of them with me; for one had feared to go with me alone.

So I departed thence, and though the whole land there was barren and bore nothing but pine-cones, yet would I with a curse have made it yet poorer, for there I had lost all my hopes; yet went I silently enough with my guides till I came to the top of the hill, where I could a little trace my way by the lie of the country. And there I said to them, "Now, my masters, ye can turn your new spring to fine profit if ye go forthwith and tell your lords of its coming up; for that will bring ye a rich reward, seeing that the prince will surely build about it for the glory and gain of the country, and for the promotion of his own interest will have it made known to all the world." "Yea," said they, "fools should we be in truth so to bind rods for our own backs; we had rather the devil would take thee and thy spring too: thou hast heard enough to know why we desire it not." "Ah, miscreants!" quoth I, "should I not call ye disloyal rogues that depart so far from the ways of your pious forefathers, which were so true to their prince that he could boast that he might venture to lay his head upon the knees of any of his subjects and there sleep in safety. But ye blackcaps, to 'scape a trifling task for which ye would in time be recompensed and of which all your posterity would reap a rich reward, ye be so dishonest as to refuse to make known this healing spring, which were both to the profit of your worshipful prince and also to the welfare and health of many a sick man. What would it cost ye though each should do a few days' forced work to that end?" "How," said they, "we would rather kill thee that thy spring might remain unknown." "Ye night-birds," says I, "there must be more of ye for that," and therewith heaved up my cudgel and chased them to all the devils, and thereafter went my way down hill westwards and southwards, and so came after much toil and tumble about sunset to my farm, and found it true indeed what my dad had prophesied to me, namely, that I should get naught from this pilgrimage save weary legs and the way back for the way thither.

Chap. xix. is an uninteresting excursus on certain communities of Anabaptists in Hungary.

Chap. xx.: TREATS OF A TRIFLING PROMENADE FROM THE BLACK FOREST TO MOSCOW IN RUSSIA

The same autumn there drew near to us French, Swedish, and Hessian troops to refresh themselves among us and to keep the Free City in the neighbourhood (which was built by an English king,^[43] and called after his name) blockaded, for which cause every man gathered together his cattle and the best of his goods and fled into the woods among the mountains. I too did as my neighbours did and left my house pretty well empty, wherein a Swedish colonel on half-pay was lodged. The same found still remaining in my cabinet certain books, for in my haste I could not bring all away; and among others certain mathematical and geometrical essays, and also some on fortification, wherewith our engineers be principally busied, and therefore at once concluded that his quarters could belong to no common peasant, and so began to inquire of my character and to court my acquaintance, till by courteous offers and threats intermingled he wrought me to it that I should visit him at mine own farm, where he treated me very civilly and restrained his people, that they should do my goods no unnecessary damage or hurt. And by such friendly treatment he brought it about that I told him of all my business, and in especial of my family and descent. Thereat he wondered that I in the midst of war could so dwell among peasants, and look on while another tied his horse to my manger, whereas I with more honour could tie mine own horse to another's: I should, said he, gird on the sword again and not allow my gift which God had bestowed on me to perish by the fireside, and behind the plough; for he knew, if I would enter the Swedish service, my capacity and my knowledge of war would soon raise me to high rank. This I treated but coldly, and told him advancement was ever far off if a man had no friends to take him by the hand; whereto he replied that my good qualities would soon procure me both friends and advancement; nay, more: he doubted not that I should find kinsmen at the Swedish headquarters, and those of some account, for there there were many Scottish noblemen and men of rank. Further, said he, a regiment had been promised to him himself by Torstensohn; which promise if it were kept (of which he doubted not) then would he at once make me his lieutenant-colonel. With such and the like words he made my mouth to water, and inasmuch as there were now but scanty hopes of peace, and for me to suffer further billeting of troops did but mean utter ruin, therefore I resolved to serve again, and promised the colonel to go with him if only he would keep his word and give me the post of lieutenant-colonel in the regiment he was to have.

And so the die was cast; and I sent for my dad or foster-father, which was still with my cattle at Bairischbrunn;^[44] and to him and his wife I devised my farm as their own property; yet on condition that after his death my bastard Simplicissimus that had been laid at my door should inherit it with all appurtenances, since there were no heirs born in wedlock. Thereafter I fetched my horse and all the gold and trinkets I still had, and having settled all my affairs and taken order for the education of my said by-blow of a son, on a sudden the blockade I spoke of was raised, so that before we looked for it we must decamp and join the main army.

Under the colonel I served as a steward, and maintained him with his servants and horses and all his household by theft and robbery, which is called in soldiers' language foraging. But as to the promises of Torstensohn, of which he had talked so big at my farm, they were not so great by a good deal as he had given out, but as it seemed to me he was rather looked at askance. "Aha," says he to me, "some malicious dog hath slandered me at headquarters. Yet I shall not need to wait long": but when he suspected that I should not endure to tarry longer with him he forged letters as if he had to raise a fresh regiment in Livonia where his home was, and persuaded me to embark with him at Wismar and to sail thither. And there too we found naught, for not only had he no regiment to raise, but was besides a nobleman as poor as a church mouse: and what he had came from his wife. Yet though I had now been twice deceived and had suffered myself to be enticed so far afield, yet I took the bait the third time; for he shewed me writings he had received from Moscow, in which, as he professed, high commands in the army were offered him, for so he interpreted the said letters to me and boasted loudly of good and punctual pay: and seeing that he started off with wife and child, I thought, surely he is on no wild-goose chase.

And so with high hopes I took the road with him, for otherwise I saw no means or opportunity to get back to Germany. But as soon as we came over the Russian frontier, and sundry discharged German soldiers met us, I began to be alarmed and said to my colonel, "What the devil do we here? We leave the country where war is, and where there is peace and soldiers be of no account and disbanded, thither we come." Yet still he gave me fair words and said I should leave it to him; he knew better what he was about than these fellows that were of no account.

But when we came in safety to the city of Moscow, I saw at once the game was up. 'Tis true my colonel conferred daily with great men, but far more with bishops than boyars, which seemed to me not so much grand as far too monkish, and aroused in me all manner of fancies and reflections, though I could not conceive what he aimed at: but in the end he revealed to me that war was over and that his conscience urged him on to embrace the Greek religion; and that his sincere advice to me was, inasmuch as otherwise he could help me no more as he had promised, to follow his example: for his Majesty the Czar had already good accounts of my person and my great capabilities: and would be graciously pleased, if I would agree to the conditions, to endow me as a knight with a fine estate and many serfs; which most gracious offer was not to be rejected, since for any man it was better to have in so great a monarch rather a gracious lord than an offended prince. At this I was much confounded, and knew not what to answer, for had I had the colonel in another place I would have answered him rather by deeds than words: but now I must play my cards otherwise, and consider the place where I was, and where I was like to a prisoner; and therefore was silent a long time before I could resolve upon an answer. At length I said to him I had indeed come with the purpose to serve the Czar's Majesty as a soldier, to which he, the colonel, had persuaded me; and if my services in war were not needed I could not help it; far less could I lay it to the charge of the Czar that I had for his sake undertaken so long a journey in vain, for he had not written to me to come. But that his Majesty condescended so graciously to dispense his royal favour to me would be a thing for me rather to boast of before all the world than most humbly to accept it and to earn it, since I could not just now determine to alter my religion, and only wished I were dwelling again in my farm in the Black Forest and so causing no man concern or inconveniency. To which he replied, "Your honour may do as he pleases: only I had conceived that if God and good luck favoured him, he would do well to be thankful to both; but if he will accept no help and refuses to live like a prince, at least I hope he will believe that I have spared no pains to help him to the best of my ability." Thereupon he made me a deep reverence, went his way, and left me in the lurch, not allowing me even to give him my company to the door.

So as I sat there all perplexed and reviewed my present condition I heard two Russian carriages before our lodging, and looking out of the window saw my good master colonel with his sons enter the one and his wife with her daughters the other. Which were the Czar's carriages and his livery, and divers priests there also which waited upon this honourable family and shewed them all kindness and good will.

Chap. xxi.: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS FURTHER FARED IN MOSCOW

From this time I was watched, not openly indeed, but secretly, by certain soldiers of the Strelitz guard, and that without my knowledge; and my colonel and his family never once came in my sight, so that I knew not what was become of him: and all this, as may easily be thought, brought in my head strange conceits and many grey hairs also. There I made the acquaintance of the Germans that dwell in Moscow, some as traders, some as mechanics, and to them lamented my plight and how I had been deceived by guile; who gave me comfort and direction how I, with a fair opportunity, might return to Germany. But so soon as they got wind of it that the Czar had determined to keep me in the land and would force me to it, they all became dumb towards me, yea, avoided my company, and 'twas hard for me even to find a shelter for my head. For I had already devoured my horse, saddle and trappings and all, and was now doling out one to-day and to-morrow another of the ducats which I had wisely sewn into my clothes. At last I began to turn into money my rings and trinkets, in the hope to keep myself so until I could find a fair occasion to get back to Germany. Meanwhile a quarter of a year was gone, after which the said colonel, with all his household, was baptized again and provided with a fine nobleman's estate and many serfs.

At that time there went out a decree that both among natives and foreigners no idlers should be allowed (and that with heavy penalties) as those that took the bread out of the mouth of the workers, and all strangers that would not work must quit the country in a month and the town in four-and-twenty hours. With that some fifty of us joined together with intent to make our way, with God's help, through Podolia to Germany; yet were we not two hours gone from the town when we were caught up by certain Russian troopers, on the pretence that his Majesty was greatly displeased that we had impudently dared to band together in such great numbers, and to traverse his land at pleasure without passports, saying further that his Majesty would not be going beyond his rights in sending us all to Siberia for our insolent conduct. On the way back I learned how my business stood: for the commander of the troop told me plainly, the Czar would not let me forth of the country: and his sincere advice was that I should obey his Majesty's most gracious will and join their religion, and (as the colonel had done) not despise a fine estate; assuring me also that if I refused this and would not live among them as a lord I must needs stay as a servant against my will: nor must his Majesty be blamed that he would not allow to depart from his country a man so skilful as the before-mentioned colonel had reported me to be. Then did I disparage mine own worth, and said the honourable colonel must surely have ascribed to me more arts, virtues, and knowledge than I possessed: 'twas true indeed I had come into the land to serve his Majesty the Czar and the worshipful Russian people, even at the risk of my life, against their enemies: but to change my religion, to that I could not resolve me: yet so far as I could in any wise serve his Majesty without burdening my conscience, I would not fail to do my utmost endeavour.

Then was I set apart from the rest and lodged with a merchant, where I was openly watched, yet daily provisioned from the court with rich food and costly liquors, and also daily had visitors that talked with me and now and again would invite me as a guest. In especial there was one to whose charge I had without doubt been chiefly commended, a crafty man, that entertained me daily with friendly talk; for now could I speak Russian pretty well. So he discoursed with me oftentimes of all manner of mechanic arts, as well as of engines of war and others, and of fortification and artillery practice. At last, after much beating about the bush to find out whether I would give in to his master's wishes, when he found there was no hope of my changing even in the least point, he begged that I would for the honour of the great Czar impart and communicate to their nation somewhat of my science: for his Majesty would requite my complaisance with high and royal favours. To which I answered, my desires had ever been to that end, most dutifully to serve the Czar, seeing that for this purpose I had come into his country, albeit I perceived that I was kept like a prisoner. But he replied, "Nay, nay, sir, ye be no prisoner, but his Majesty doth hold ye so dear that he cannot resolve to part with your person." So says I, "Wherefore then am I guarded?" "Because," he answered, "his Majesty feareth lest any harm should happen to ye."

So now understanding my proposals, he said the Czar was graciously pleased to consider of digging for saltpetre in his own country and making of powder there; but because there was no one in the land that could deal with the matter, I should do him an acceptable service if I would undertake the work: to that end I should be provided with men and means enough ready to hand, and he in his own person would most sincerely beg of me not to reject such a gracious proposal, seeing that they were already well assured that I had a full knowledge of such matters. To which I answered, "Sir, I say as I said before: if I can serve his Majesty in anything, provided only he will be graciously content to leave me undisturbed in my religion, I will not fail to do my best." Whereat the Russian, which was one of their chief magnates, was heartily glad and pledged me in drink deeper than ever a German.

Next day there came from the Czar two great nobles with an interpreter to make a final agreement with me, and presented me on behalf of the Czar with a costly Russian robe: and a few days after I began to seek for saltpetre and to instruct the Russians that had been assigned to me how to separate it from the earth and refine it; and at the same time I drew up a plan of a powder-mill, and taught others to burn charcoal, so that in brief space we had ready a goodly amount both of musquet and ordnance powder; for I had people enough, besides mine own servants that were to wait on me, or, to speak more truly, to keep watch and ward over me.

I being thus well started, there comes to me the before-mentioned colonel in Russian clothes and nobly escorted by many servants; without doubt by such a show of glory to persuade me to go over to that religion. But I knew well that the clothes came from the Czar his wardrobe, and were but lent him to make my mouth water: for 'tis the commonest of customs at the Russian court: and that the reader may understand how 'tis managed, I will give him an instance of mine own self. For once was I busied with taking order at the powder-mills (which I caused to be built on the river outside Moscow) as to what task one and the other of the people assigned to me should perform that day and the next, when of a sudden there was an alarm that the Tartars, 100,000 horse strong, were but four miles away plundering the country and advancing continually: so must I and my people needs betake ourselves to the palace, to be equipped out of the Czar's armoury and stables. And I for my part, in place of a cuirass, was clad in a quilted silk breastplate that would stop any arrow, but could not keep out any bullet: moreover boots and spurs and a princely head-dress with a heron plume, and a sabre that would split a hair, mounted with pure gold and studded with precious stones, were given to me, and of the Czar's horses such an one was put between my legs as I had never seen the like of in my life, far less ridden; so I and my horses blazed with gold, silver, pearls and precious stones. I had a steel mace hanging by me that shone like a mirror, and was so well made and heavy that I had easily beaten to death any that I dealt a blow with it, so that the Czar himself could not ride into battle better equipped: and there followed me a white standard with a double eagle to which the people flocked from all sides and corners, so that before two hours were over we were forty thousand strong and after four hours nigh sixty thousand, with whom we marched against the Tartars; and every quarter of an hour I had my orders from the Czar; which yet were but this, that I should this day approve myself a soldier, having given myself out for one, that his Majesty might as such esteem and recognise me. So every moment our troop was increased with great and small soldiers and officers; yet in all this haste could I discover none that should command the whole body, or array the battle. It needs not that I should tell all, for my story is not much concerned with this encounter. I will but say this only, that we came suddenly upon the Tartars in a valley or deep dip in the land, encumbered with tired horses and much booty, and least of all expecting us; whom we attacked on all sides with such fury that at the very onset we scattered them. There at the first attack I called to my followers in the Russian speech, "Come now, let each do as I do!" and that they all shouted to one another, while I with a loose rein charged at the enemy, and of the first I met, which was a Mirza or prince's son, I cleft the head in twain, so that his brains were left hanging on my steel mace. This heroical example did the Russians follow, so that the Tartars might not withstand their attack, but turned to a general flight, while I dealt like a madman, or rather like one that from desperation seeketh death and cannot find it, for I smote down all that came before me, Tartar and Russian alike; and they that were commanded by the Czar to watch me followed me so hard that I had ever my back guarded. There was the air so full of arrows as it had been swarms of bees, of which my share was one in the arm; for I had turned back my sleeve that so with less hindrance I might use my sword and came to cleave and batter; and until I received the wound my heart did laugh within me at such bloodshed; but when I saw mine own blood flow, that laughter was turned into a mad fury.

So when these savage foes had been put to flight, it was commanded me by divers nobles in the name of the Czar that I should carry to their emperor the news how the Tartars had been defeated: and at their bidding I rode back with some hundred horsemen at my heels, with whom I rode through the town to the Czar's palace, and was by all men received with triumph and gratulation; but so soon as I had made my report of the battle (albeit the Czar had already news of all that happened) I must again doff my princely apparel, which was again stored away in the Czar his wardrobe, though both it and the horse trappings were bespattered and befouled all over with blood and so almost entirely ruinated; whereas I had thought, since I had borne myself so knightly in the encounter, the clothes should at least have been left me, together with the horse, for a reward. But from this I could well judge how 'twas managed with the Russian robe of state of which my colonel made use; for 'tis all but lent finery which, like all else in Russia, pertaineth to the Czar alone.

Chap. xxii.: BY WHAT A SHORT AND MERRY ROAD HE CAME HOME TO HIS DAD

Now as long as my wound was a-healing 'tis true I was treated like a prince; for I walked abroad at all times clad in a furred gown of cloth of gold lined with sables, though the wound was neither mortal nor dangerous, and in all the days of my life I have never tasted such rich foods as then; but this was all the reward I had for my labours, save the praise which the Czar favoured me with, and this too was spoiled for me by the envy of certain nobles. So now, being completely sound again, was I sent down the Volga in a ship to Astrachan, to set up a powder-mill there as in Moscow, for 'twas not possible for the Czar to furnish these frontier fortresses from Moscow with fresh and good powder, which must needs be carried by water and that with great risk. And this service I willingly undertook, for I had promises that the Czar, after the accomplishment of such business, would send me back to Holland, and that with a good reward in money proportionable to my services. But alas! when we think we stand safest and most certain in the hopes and conceits we have formed, there comes a wind unawares, and in a wink blows away all the flimsy stuff whereon we had founded our hopes so long.

Yet the Governor of Astrachan treated me like the Czar himself, and in brief space I had all on a good footing; his old ammunition which was quite spoiled and ruined and could do no harm to any, I refounded (as a tinker makes new tin spoons out of old ones), which was then a thing unheard of among the Russians; by reason of which and other arts of mine some held me to be a sorcerer, others a new saint or prophet, and others, again, for a second Empedocles or Gorgias Leontinus. But being hard at work and busied at night in a powder-mill outside the fortifications, I was in thievish wise captured and carried off by a horde of Tartars, which took me with others so far into their country that I not only could see the herb Borametz or sheep-plant growing but did even eat thereof: which is a most strange vegetable; for it is like a sheep to look upon, its wool can be spun and woven like natural sheep's wool, and its flesh is so like to mutton that even the wolves do love to eat thereof. But they that had captivated me did barter me away for certain wares of China to the Tartars of Nuichi, which again presented me as a rare gift to the King of Corea, with whom they had but then made a truce. And there was I highly valued, for there could none be found like me in the handling of sword and rapier; and there I taught the king how, with his piece over his shoulder and his back turned to the target, he could yet hit the bull's-eye; in reward for which at my humble petition he gave me my liberty again, and let me go by way of Japonia to the Portuguese of Macao, which made but small count of me. So I went about among them like a sheep that has strayed from the flock, till at last in marvellous fashion. I was captured by Turkish corsairs, and by them, after they had dragged me about with them for a full year among strange foreign nations that do inhabit the isles of the East Indies, sold to certain merchants of Alexandria in Egypt. These carried me with their wares to Constantinople, and because the Turkish emperor was just then fitting out galleys against the Venetians and needed rowers, therefore must many Turkish merchants part with their Christian slaves (yet for ready payment), among whom I was one, as being a strong young fellow. And now must I learn to row; which heavy task nevertheless endured not more than two months: for our galley was in the Levant right valiantly overcome by the Venetians, and I with all my companions freed from the power of the Turks: and the said galley being brought to Venice with rich booty and divers Turkish prisoners of high degree, I was set at liberty, as wishing to go to Rome and on pilgrimage to Loretto, to view those places and to thank God for my deliverance. To which end I easily obtained a passport, and moreover from several honourable persons, especially Germans, reasonable help in money, so that now I could provide me with a pilgrim's staff and enter on my journey.

So I betook me by the nearest way to Rome, where I fared right well, for both from great and small I got me much alms; and tarrying there nigh six weeks, I took my way with other pilgrims, of whom some Germans, and especially certain Switzers, to Loretto: from whence I came over the Saint Gotthard Pass back through Switzerland to my dad, which had kept my farm for me; and nothing remarkable did I bring home save a beard which I had grown in foreign parts.

Now had I been absent three years and some months, during which time I had fared over the most distant seas and seen all manner of peoples, but had commonly received from them more evil than good; of which a whole book might be writ. And in the meanwhile the Westphalian treaty had been concluded, so that I could now live with my dad in peace and quiet: and him I left to manage and to keep house, but for myself I sat down to my books, which were now both my work and my delight.

Chap. xxiii.: IS VERY SHORT AND CONCERNETH SIMPLICISSIMUS ALONE

Once did I read how the oracle of Apollo gave as answer to the Roman deputies, when they asked what they must do to rule their subjects in peace, this only, "Nosce teipsum," which signifieth, "Let each man know himself." This caused me to reflect upon the past and demand of myself an account of the life I had led, for I had naught else to do. So said I to myself: "Thy life hath been no life but a death, thy days a toilsome shadow, thy years a troublous dream, thy pleasures grievous sins, thy youth a fantasy, and thy happiness an alchemist's treasure that is gone by the chimney and vanished ere thou canst perceive it. Through many dangers thou hast followed the wars, and in the same encountered much good and ill luck: hast been now high, now low: now great, now small: now rich, now poor: now merry, now sorry: now loved, now hated: now honoured, now despised: but now, poor soul, what hast thou gained from thy long pilgrimage? This hast thou gained: I am poor in goods, my heart is burdened with cares, for all good purposes I am idle, lazy, and spoilt; and, worst of all, my conscience is heavy and vexed: but thou, my soul, art overwhelmed with sin and grievously defiled; the body is weary, the understanding bemused; thine innocence is gone, the best years of youth are past, the precious time lost: naught is there that gives me pleasure, and withal I am an enemy to myself. But when I came, after my sainted father's death, into the great world, then was I simple-minded and pure, upright and honest, truthful, humble, modest, temperate, chaste, shame-faced, pious and religious, but soon became malicious, false, treacherous, proud, restless, and above all altogether godless, all which vices I did learn without a teacher. Mine honour have I guarded not for its own sake, but for mine own exaltation. I took note of time not to employ it well for mine own soul's welfare, but for the profit of my body. My life have I often put in jeopardy, and yet I have never busied myself to better it that I might die blest and comforted; for I looked only to the present and to my temporal profit, and never once thought on the future, much less remembered that I must some time give an account before the face of God Almighty."

With such thoughts I tormented myself daily; and just then there came into my hands certain writings of the Franciscan friar Quevara, of which I must here set down some; for they were of such power as fully to disgust me with the world.

Chap. xxiv.: WHY AND IN WHAT FASHION SIMPLICISSIMUS LEFT THE WORLD AGAIN

The first part of the chapter is a fair translation, extending to many pages, of Quevara's somewhat trite reflections on the vanity of a worldly life. It is taken from Albertini's translation of a book called "Of the burden and annoyance of a courtier's life." 8vo. Amberg, 1599. The only part of the chapter which concerns the story is as follows.

All these words I pondered carefully and with continual thought, and they so pierced my heart that I left the world again and became a hermit. Fain would I have dwelt by my spring in the Muckenloch, but the peasants that dwelt near would not suffer it, though it had been for me a wilderness to my taste; for they feared I should reveal the spring and so move their lord to force them to make highways and byways thither, especially now that peace was secured. So I betook myself to another wilderness and began again my old life in the Spessart; but whether I shall, like my father of blessed memory, persevere therein to the end, I know not. God grant us all His grace that we may all alike obtain from Him what doth concern us most, namely, a happy

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