CHAP. II. First Impressions.

This memorable event took place in the eighteenth month of my existence: the promptness with which my removal was accomplished, left me totally ignorant of my future destiny, yet ere the evening closed I experienced an attention which bore some promise of kindness. A fat red faced woman (whom my gratitude transformed into a goddess) threw an apron full of cabbage leaves before me, I ate a hearty supper, and fatigued with my journey looked around for a shelter for the night; a building almost equal to farmer Howel’s house, had already received two or three horses, I tried the door, it was locked, nor would my prejudices or courage have led me voluntarily to expose myself to insult and contempt, could I have found access. No! it was one of those efforts suggested by despair in which reason yields to circumstances, Old Balaam’s sombre warnings glanced across my mind. “Alas!” thought I, “to conciliate esteem where no consideration is awarded appears enigmatical to me;” and my eyes were suffused with tears as I recollected the half-tiled home of my parents. “They will think of their poor Jemmy to night, would I were again in their stable though I never more tasted a cabbage leaf.” It was not easy to my donkey capacity, to reconcile the contradiction of providing a good supper for an animal, and leaving it without a shelter for the night. The neglect of my owners roused me to exertion; forcing my way through a hedge, I wandered near the house, till espying a door open I ventured in, it was a small building and by the light of the moon, I discovered it to be a brewhouse. Our olfactory nerves are very delicate; thus, though one of my senses was somewhat offended by the smell of the place, necessity compelled me to submit to the inconvenience. You may smile at the idea of a Donkey’s dream, and would perhaps call me a downright Ass if I related mine on the night in question; to avoid the imputation of weakness I desist, though I am convinced a two-legged author would mould my dream into a most interesting episode. Well, morning arrived, and with it a full sense of my situation. On first opening my eyes, I stood in profound amazement not exactly recollecting where I was: no sooner had memory recalled the incidents of the preceding day, than that sagacity which even Donkeys partially share, told me, I was not in my proper abode—to effect a retreat without discovery was desirable. I was rejoicing in my adroitness, when a gentleman in a scarlet jacket ran after me and before I could gain the field half a dozen pebbles were levelled at me.

“Leave the Donkey alone Robert,” said the fat Lady, my cabbage-leaf friend. And advancing towards me she added, “poor Jemmy, did we forget to open the shed for you last night, poor fellow I’ll take care it shan’t happen again.”

I brayed in my most melodious style hoping it would be understood as an expression of gratitude, I dont know that Mrs. Bond penetrated my meaning, but her uniform kindness leads me to believe, there are persons in the world who appreciate and comprehend the feelings of a Donkey.

How often have I listened to the praises bestowed upon horses and dogs! How many records of their sagacity have reached my long ears! Alas! my vanity does not help me to one anecdote, one incident, in which our talents natural or acquired are favourably exhibited; yet in attachment to our masters and that faithfulness of memory so highly prized in the animals I quote, in these essential qualifications I think we stand nearly equal. It cannot be, our rough exterior that places us beneath notice; for as far as I can judge, beauty is not the exclusive possession of any particular class of animals.

But to proceed; I had sighed for a change in my mode of life, yet content was a stranger to my bosom. The voice of my parents no longer gladdened my heart, if my food was more sumptuous, there wanted that social intercourse, that lively chit-chat to which I had been accustomed. The days seemed grievously irksome, and though Mrs. Bond, had politely shewn me my lodging apartment, it was impossible for a Donkey of my disposition to avoid some portion of ennui in a seclusion so unbroken. I began to wish for some employment, now first discovering old Balaam’s maxim to be just, “that idleness is fatiguing.” An unusual depression had seized my spirits one afternoon, when perceiving my good friend Mrs. Bond, I ran towards her.

“Ah poor fellow,” said she, “I can’t stop to talk to you now, we are all in a pucker, and you will have enough to do when the pet comes.”

“What does she mean?” said I to myself. “I never heard of such an animal.”

While reflecting on the import of this speech, a travelling chaise with four horses turned into the court yard: a number of men-servants ran to and fro, and amongst others the man in the scarlet jacket, whom I now discovered to be a groom. Amused by the bustle I stood looking over a gate, when a shrill squeaking voice exclaimed, “Robert! Robert! shew me my Donkey, I say Robert I want my Donkey.”

“He’s in the field Master Frederick,” replied the groom. “I can’t go with you now Sir, if you’ll wait till I’ve done in the stable I’ll give you a ride.”

“But I wont wait, I will see him directly,” resumed the young gentleman, “leave the horses and come along with me.”

“What leave my horses Sir after such a fag! No no Master Fredy, if you can’t wait I can’t help it, only take care, you don’t worry the Donkey, he’s a proper vicious one I promise you.”

I concluded from the sketch the groom had thought proper to give respecting me, that my young master would avoid my presence; deeply wounded that the prejudice of this man should so far mislead him, I assumed a cheerfulness foreign to my feelings, and displaying my figure to the greatest advantage, endeavoured to engage the notice of Master Frederick by a thousand graceful movements; my exertions were unheeded, the young gentleman retiring at the summons of a man-servant. “We are indeed an unfortunate race,” sighed I, “traduced by tongues that know us not, yet will be the chroniclers of our doings. I clearly perceive an Assinine existence is synonymous with misery.”

These cogitations of your humble servant may with justice be traced to my early education. Balaam had impressed me with those gloomy anticipations which mar our present enjoyments. Ah! how different were the sentiments of my dear mother, but I cannot even at this distance of time speak of her without the liveliest emotion. I was regaling on some potatoe parings, and musing on my fate, when Robert introduced my young master into the field; resolved on refuting the representation of my enemy, I approached Master Frederick with the utmost deference; as I drew near he retreated, till with a terrific scream he hid himself behind Robert. What was my mortification to find I who had been called a handsome Donkey, was an object of alarm to my owner! Now as you all know, looking-glasses make no part of our domestic furniture, but we supply this deficiency by never drinking but from the clearest water within our reach. It is therefore unnecessary to add, that like yourselves we regard our reflected likeness with some little degree of partiality; if we exceed the bounds of prudence in the indulgence, remember I am speaking of Asses, and that it would be unreasonable to expect in an Ass, more than belongs to him as an Ass. But I declare no stream in which I ever saw myself had impressed me with the belief; that my face or figure was calculated to frighten any person.

Overcome by disappointment I continued to gaze mournfully upon my master. The groom who had laughed heartily at Frederick, now coaxed me, patted my sides, and persuaded the child to mount my back.

“I wont I tell you,” exclaimed the child “he will throw me off, I know he will.”

“Let me hold you on,” replied, Robert, throwing a rope round my neck. After many assurances the little gentleman was mounted. I cannot say I felt quite easy; his weight was trifling, but this was my debut as a beast of burden, and I somehow feared it would not prove auspicious.

Two or three quiet walks across the field inspired my young Nimrod with courage.

“Make him trot Robert,” said he. I instantly fell into the most agile motion. O sad mischance; Robert missed his hold, and my rider fell to the ground! The screams of Frederick brought Mrs. Bond to his assistance. Robert declared the young gentleman was not hurt, and endeavoured to pacify him.

“I will go and tell mama you laughed at me when I tumbled off that ugly Donkey,” said Frederick, pushing the groom with all his strength.

“O! fie Master Fredy, why I thought you was more of a man, than to cry at a fall upon the grass,” said Mrs. Bond.

“Get me a whip Robert, I will beat the Donkey,” resumed Frederick.

“No, Sir, I shall do no such thing,” retorted Robert. “The Donkey carried you as well as possible, it was my fault in letting him slip from my hold.”

“Then I wish I had the whip, I would give you a good lashing, that I would.”

“Would you indeed,” laughed Robert, “I should like to try you.”

Enraged at the mirth of the groom, the young gentleman made his escape.

“Why he’s worse than ever,” said Mrs. Bond, “it is quite surprising to me, that such good people as my master and mistress are, should spoil their child so foolishly.”

“A puny snivelling little pet,” rejoined Robert, “I pity Jemmy; sure enough he’ll have a fine time of it.”

“So then I am the servant of that animal called a pet,” thought I, and I reverted to all the creatures I had seen of the same size and genus. Farmer Howel had children, but to me they appeared quite a different description of animal. Neither pouting nor fretfulness had ever fallen under my observation. And as Master Frederick seemed to possess many comforts, I concluded the word pet to imply a discontented self-willed animal, and grieved to find myself the slave of such a tyrant.

It was remarkable, that Robert who had hitherto taken pleasure in teazing me, from the moment of my master’s arrival adopted a distinct line of conduct. It seems to me, that mere thoughtlessness will at times propel a species of cruelty, void of malice. A good marksman (to shew his skill) will shy a stone at us with fatal accuracy. I can assure these hurlers, we do not doubt their capability, but protest against the honour of being used as targets.

If I suffered individually at this period, I am willing to allow my situation afforded me views of life highly edifying to an inexperienced Donkey. I saw horses curried and dressed with the nicest care, and I beheld them lashed and beaten on the most trivial occasions. Though a stranger to corporeal suffering, my sympathy was powerfully awakened by these spectacles. “Ah! what shall I be in the hands of an angry master!” thought I; nor could I exactly ascertain the foibles which subjected them to this treatment. Time has enlightened me on this subject, and I now boldly declare beasts of burden are as liable to suffer from the temper of their masters as their own fallibility.

The parents of my young master deserved the elogium Mrs. Bond had bestowed upon them, they were in themselves amiable, and would frequently reprove the impatience of Frederick, but alas! this spoiled boy had been too long habituated to indulgences to submit to controul. His natural timidity increased my difficulties, if kept a walking pace, I was “a stupid brute,” if I ambled gaily, “a mischievous creature.” I bore his revilings calmly for some time, yet it was grievously humiliating that all my efforts should be so misconstrued; and in truth, my donkey pride was offended, that a saddle and bridle had not been provided for me. Under the impulse of this feeling, I one morning contrived to shift the green baize substitute for a saddle, and gently laid my master on his back; again Robert was my advocate, and by proposing the immediate purchase of the necessary trappings appeased the tears of Frederick.

Mrs. Fenton assenting to the expenditure, I waited the hour of equipment with all the little anxieties of pride, and perhaps some of my readers will understand my disappointment, when I declare, nothing could be more contrary to my expectations than the dress Robert purchased. A common saddle and dark leather bridle for a Donkey whose imagination had been inflated by a glimpse of the most elegant Ass in the kingdom! This disparagement was not to be borne, I looked contemptuously on the groom, and in my own mind wondered such a commission should have been left to his taste. It is impossible for an Ass to guess how bipeds are affected by the stupidity or bad taste of their dress-makers, &c. &c. I only know, I shrugged my shoulders with scorn, and would scarcely submit to be dressed. Robert conquered at last, and I was decorated in my new habiliments: what my sensations were at that time I cannot describe. In conforming to the fashions of the age, my readers enjoy a thousand advantages which a solitary Donkey must not hope to experience. I believe fashion would cease to be of consequence altogether did not emulation keep it alive. Now I (who had sighed to appear with all the splendour of a domesticated Ass) received these honours at a period when my talents and general character were totally obscured; thus the mere tinsel of ornament lost its most attractive charm, the power of exciting admiration, for that Master Frederick or any of the family would descern my merits or do justice to my personal beauties was what I dared not anticipate.

It must be allowed fortune jumbled an odd variety my juvenile path, but perhaps I err, and it is rather the singularity of my taste, which tempts me to lay these memoirs before the public, than any peculiar hardship in my fate. At all events I am a truth-telling Donkey, and writing from the heart rather than the head, I promise to be as succinct in my subsequent history as in these my first impressions.