SONNET WROTE WHILST RETROSPECTIVELY CONTEMPLATIN’ MY FIRST CIGAR

Oh, woe is me! and other things like that! Yestreen I soughtst to smoke my first cigar: It gav’st my system a tremendous jar! I didst not have the gumption of a gnat. All night I couldst not tell where I wast at. I wish I knew just what those cheap smokes are; It seem’st to me they’re made of glue and tar. Ah, me! I’m weaker than a half-starved cat. Oh, let them smoke henceforth, say’st I, who will, For who am I that I shouldst dare condemn Their vile tobacco? I have hadst my fill: Let others have it; I sha’n’tst envy them, For I’llst not never smoke no more until I’m ten times older than Mathusalem!