ROISTER DOISTER BY NICHOLAS UDALL (continued 2)

C. Custance. So sirra, if I should not with hym take this way, I should not be ridde of him I thinke till doomes day, I will call forth my folkes, that without any mockes If he come agayne we may give him rappes and knockes. Mage Mumblecrust, come forth, and Tibet Talke apace. 5 Yea and come forth too, mistresse Annot Alyface. [Enter the maids.] Annot Aly. I come. Tibet. And I am here. M. Mumb. And I am here too at length. C. Custance. Like warriers if nede bee, ye must shew your strength The man that this day hath thus begiled you, Is Ralph Roister Doister, whome ye know well inowe,[552] 10 The moste loute and dastarde that ever on grounde trode. Tib. Talk. I see all folke mocke hym when he goth abrode. C. Custance. What pretie maide? will ye talke when I speake? Tib. Talk. No forsooth good mistresse. C. Custance. Will ye my tale breake? He threatneth to come hither with all his force to fight, 15 I charge you if he come[:] on him with all your might[!] M. Mumbl. I with my distaffe will reache hym one rappe, Tib. Talk. And I with my newe broome will sweepe hym one swappe, And then with our greate clubbe I will reache hym one rappe[—] An. Aliface. And I with our skimmer will fling him one flappe. 20 Tib. Talk. Then Trupenies fireforke will him shrewdly fray, And you with the spitte may drive him quite away. C. Custance. Go make all ready, that it may be een so. Gi b Tib. Talk. For my parte I shrewe them that last about it go. Exeant.

C. Custance. Trupenie dyd promise me to runne a great pace, My friend Tristram Trusty to set into this place. Indeede he dwelleth hence a good stert[553] I confesse: But yet a quicke messanger might twice since[,] as I gesse, Have gone and come againe. Ah yond I spie him now. 5 Trupeny [enters with Trusty, whom he leaves behind]. Ye are a slow goer sir, I make God avow. My mistresse Custance will in me put all the blame. Your leggs be longer than myne: come apace for shame. C. Custance. I can[554] thee thanke Trupenie, thou hast done right wele. Trupeny. Maistresse since I went no grasse hath growne on my hele, 10 But maister Tristram Trustie here maketh no speede. C. Custance. That he came at all I thanke him in very deede, For now have I neede of the helpe of some wise man. T. Trusty. Then may I be gone againe, for none such I [a]m. Trupenie. Ye may bee by your going: for no Alderman 15 Can goe I dare say, a sadder pace than ye can. C. Custance. Trupenie get thee in, thou shalt among them knowe, How to use thy selfe, like a propre man I trowe. Trupeny. I go. [Ex.] C. Custance. Now Tristram Trusty I thank you right much. For at my first sending to come ye never grutch. 20 T. Trusty. Dame Custance God ye saue, and while my life shall last, For my friende Goodlucks sake ye shall not sende in wast. C. Custance. He shal give you thanks. T. Trusty. I will do much for his sake[!] C. Custance. But alack, I feare, great displeasure shall be take. T. Trusty. Wherfore? 25 C. Custance. For a foolish matter. T. Trusty. What is your cause[?] C. Custance. I am yll accombred with a couple of dawes. T. Trusty. Nay weepe not woman: but tell me what your cause is G ii As concerning my friende is any thing amisse? C. Custance. No not on my part: but here was Sym Suresby[—] T. Trustie. He was with me and told me so. 30 C. Custance. And he stoode by While Ralph Roister Doister with helpe of Merygreeke, For promise of mariage dyd unto me seeke.[555] T. Trusty. And had ye made any promise before them twaine[?] C. Custance. No I had rather be torne in pieces and flaine, No man hath my faith and trouth, but Gawyn Goodlucke, 35 And that before Suresby dyd I say, and there stucke, But of certaine letters there were suche words spoken. T. Trustie. He tolde me that too. C. Custance. And of a ring and token. That Suresby I spied, dyd more than halfe suspect, That I my faith to Gawyn Goodlucke dyd reiect. 40 T. Trusty. But there was no such matter dame Custance in deede? C. Custance. If ever my head thought it, God sende me yll speede. Wherfore I beseech you, with me to be a witnesse, That in all my lyfe I never intended thing lesse, And what a brainsicke foole Ralph Roister Doister is, 45 Your selfe know well enough. T. Trusty. Ye say full true ywis. C. Custance. Bicause to bee his wife I ne graunt nor apply,[556] Hither will he com he sweareth by and by, To kill both me and myne, and beate downe my house flat. Therfore I pray your aide. 50 T. Trustie. I warrant you that. C. Custance. Have I so many yeres lived a sobre life, And shewed my selfe honest, mayde, widowe, and wyfe And nowe to be abused in such a vile sorte, Ye see howe poore Widowes lyve all voyde of comfort. T. Trusty. I warrant hym do you no harme nor wrong at all. 55 C. Custance. No, but Mathew Merygreeke doth me most appall,[557] That he woulde joyne hym selfe with suche a wretched loute. T. Trusty. He doth it for a jest I knowe hym out of doubte, And here cometh Merygreke. C. Custance. Then shal we here his mind.

M. Mery. Custance and Trustie both, I doe you here well finde. C. Custance. Ah Mathew Merygreeke, ye have used me well. M. Mery. Nowe for altogether[558] ye must your answere tell. Will ye have this man, woman? or else will ye not? Else will he come never bore so brymme[559] nor tost so hot. 5 Tris. and Cu. But why joyn ye with him. T. Trusty. For mirth? C. Custance. Or else in sadnesse[?] M. Mery. The more fond of you both! hardly y^e[560] mater gesse[!] Tristram. Lo how say ye dame? M. Mery. Why do ye thinke dame Custance That in this wowyng I have ment ought but pastance? C. Custance.[561] Much things ye spake, I wote, to maintaine his dotage. 10 M. Mery. But well might ye judge I spake it all in mockage?[562] For why? Is Roister Doister a fitte husband for you? T. Trusty. I dare say ye never thought it. M. Mery. No to God I vow. And did not I knowe afore of the insurance[563] Betweene Gawyn Goodlucke, and Christian Custance? 15 And dyd not I for the nonce, by my conveyance,[564] Reade his letter in a wrong sense for daliance? That if you coulde have take it up at the first bounde, We should therat such a sporte and pastime have founde, That all the whole towne should have ben the merier. 20 C. Custance. Ill ake your heades both, I was never werier, Nor never more vexte since the first day I was borne. T. Trusty. But very well I wist he here did all in scorne. C. Custance. But I feared thereof to take dishonestie. M. Mery. This should both have made sport, and shewed your honestie 25 And Goodlucke I dare sweare, your witte therin would low. T. Trusty. Yea, being no worse than we know it to be now. M. Mery. And nothing yet to late, for when I come to him, Hither will he repaire with a sheepes looke full grim, By plaine force and violence to drive you to yelde. G iii 30 C. Custance. It ye two bidde me, we will with him pitche a fielde, I and my maides together. M. Mery. Let us see, be bolde. C. Custance. Ye shall see womens warre. T. Trusty. That fight wil I behold. M. Mery. If occasion serve, takyng his parte full brim, I will strike at you, but the rappe shall light on him. 35 When we first appeare. C. Custance. Then will I runne away As though I were afeard. T. Trusty. Do you that part wel play And I will sue for peace. M. Mery. And I wil set him on. Then will he looke as fierce as a Cotssold lyon.[565] T. Trusty. But when gost thou for him? 40 M. Mery. That do I very nowe. C. Custance. Ye shall find us here. M. Mery. Wel god have mercy on you. Ex. T. Trusty. There is no cause of feare, the least boy in the streete: C. Custance. Nay, the least girle I have, will make him take his feete. But hearke, me thinke they make preparation. T. Trusty. No force, it will be a good recreation. 45 C. Custance. I will stand within, and steppe forth speedily, And so make as though I ranne away dreadfully. [Exeant.]

R. Royster. Nowe sirs, keepe your ray,[566] and see your heartes be stoute, But where be these caitifes, me think they dare not route,[567] How sayst thou Merygreeke? What doth Kit Custance say? M. Mery. I am loth to tell you. R. Royster. Tushe speake man, yea or nay? M. Mery. Forsooth sir, I have spoken for you all that I can. 5 But if ye winne hir, ye must een play the man, Een to fight it out, ye must a mans heart take. R. Royster. Yes, they shall know, and[568] thou knowest I have a stomacke. [M. Mery.] A stomacke (quod you) yea, as good as ere man had. G iii b R. Royster. I trowe they shall finde and feele that I am a lad. 10 M. Mery. By this crosse I have seene you eate your meate as well, As any that ere I have seene of or heard tell, A stomacke quod you? he that will that denie I know was never at dynner in your companie. R. Royster. Nay, the stomacke of a man it is that I meane. 15 M. Mery. Nay the stomacke of a horse or a dogge I weene. R. Royster. Nay a mans stomacke with a weapon meane I. M. Mery. Ten men can scarce match you with a spoone in a pie. R. Royster. Nay the stomake of a man to trie in strife. M. Mery. I never sawe your stomake cloyed yet in my lyfe. 20 R. Royster. Tushe I meane in strife or fighting to trie. M. Mery. We shall see how ye will strike nowe being angry. R. Royster [strikes M.]. Have at thy pate then, and save thy head if thou may. M. Mery. [strikes R. again]. Nay then have at your pate agyne by this day, R. Royster. Nay thou mayst not strike at me againe in no wise. 25 M. Mery. I can not in fight make to you suche warrantise: But as for your foes here let them the bargaine bie.[569] R. Royster. Nay as for they, shall every mothers childe die. And in this my fume a little thing might make me, To beate downe house and all, and else the devill take me. 30 M. Mery. If I were as ye be, by gogs deare mother, I woulde not leave one stone upon an other. Though she woulde redeeme it with twentie thousand poundes. R. Royster. It shall be even so, by his lily woundes. M. Mery. Bee not at one with hir upon any amendes. 35 R. Royster. No though she make to me never so many frendes. Nor if all the worlde for hir woulde undertake,[570] No not God hymselfe neither, shal not hir peace make, On therfore, marche forwarde,—soft, stay a whyle yet.[!] M. Mery. On. 40 R. Royster. Tary. M. Mery. Forth. R. Royster. Back. M. Mery. On. R. Royster. Soft. Now forward set. [march against the house.] C. Custance [entering:]. What businesse have we here? out[!] alas, alas! [retires for fun.] R. Royster. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Dydst thou see that Merygreeke? how afrayde she was? Dydst thou see how she fledde apace out of my sight? [G iv] Ah good sweete Custance I pitie hir by this light. 45 M. Mery. That tender heart of yours wyll marre altogether, Thus will ye be turned with waggyng of a fether. R. Royster. On sirs, keepe your ray. M. Mery. On forth, while this geare is hot. R. Royster. Soft, the Armes of Caleys, I have one thing forgot. M. Mery. What lacke we now? 50 R. Royster. Retire, or else we be all slain. M. Mery. Backe for the pashe of God, backe sirs, backe againe. What is the great mater? R. Royster. This hastie forth goyng Had almost brought us all to utter undoing, It made me forget a thing most necessarie. M. Mery. Well remembered of a captaine by sainct Marie. 55 R. Royster. It is a thing must be had. M. Mery. Let us have it then. R. Royster. But I wote not where nor how. M. Mery. Then wote not I when. But what is it? R. Royster. Of a chiefe thing I am to seeke. M. Mery. Tut so will ye be, when ye have studied a weke. But tell me what it is? 60 R. Royster. I lacke yet an hedpiece. M. Mery. The kitchen collocauit,[571] the best hennes to grece, Runne, fet it Dobinet, and come at once withall, And bryng with thee my potgunne, hangyng by the wall, [Dobinet goes] I have seene your head with it full many a tyme, Covered as safe as it had bene with a skrine: 65 And I warrant it save your head from any stroke, Except perchaunce to be amased[572] with the smoke: I warrant your head therwith, except for the mist, As safe as if it were fast locked up in a chist: [Dob. enters] And loe here our Dobinet commeth with it nowe. 70 D. Dough. I will cover me to the shoulders well inow. M. Mery. Let me see it on. R. Royster. In fayth it doth metely well. M. Mery. There can be no fitter thing. Now ye must us tell What to do. R. Royster. Now forth in ray sirs, and stoppe no more. 73 M. Mery. Now sainct George to borow,[573] Drum dubbe a dubbe afore. T. Trusty. [entering]. What meane you to do sir, committe manslaughter. R. Royster. To kyll fortie such, is a matter of laughter. T. Trusty. And who is it sir, whome ye intende thus to spill? G iv b R. Royster. Foolishe Custance here forceth me against my will. T. Trusty. And is there no meane your extreme wrath to slake. 80 She shall some amendes unto your good mashyp make. R. Royster. I will none amendes. T. Trusty. Is hir offence so sore? M. Mery. And he were a loute she coulde have done no more. She hath calde him foole, and dressed him like a foole. Mocked him lyke a foole, used him like a foole. 85 T. Trusty. Well yet the Sheriffe, the Justice, or Constable, Hir misdemeanour to punishe might be able. R. Royster. No sir, I mine owne selfe will in this present cause, Be Sheriffe, and Justice, and whole Judge of the lawes, This matter to amende, all officers be I shall, 90 Constable, Bailiffe, Sergeant. M. Mery. And hangman and all. T. Trusty. Yet a noble courage, and the hearte of a man Should more honour winne by bearyng with a woman. Therfore take the lawe, and lette hir aunswere thereto. R. Royster. Merygreeke, the best way were even so to do. 95 What honour should it be with a woman to fight? M. Mery. And what then, will ye thus forgo and lese your right? R. Royster. Nay, I will take the lawe on hir withouten grace. T. Trusty. Or yf your mashyp coulde pardon this one trespace. I pray you forgive hir. 100 R. Royster. Hoh? M. Mery. Tushe tushe sir do not. Be good maister to hir. R. Royster. Hoh? M. Mery. Tush I say do not. And what shall your people here returne streight home? T. Trustie. Yea, levie the campe sirs, and hence againe eche one,[574] R. Royster. But be still in readinesse if I happe to call, I can not tell what sodaine chaunce may befall. 105 M. Mery. Do not off your harnesse sirs I you advise, At the least for this fortnight in no maner wise, Perchaunce in an houre when all ye thinke least, Our maisters appetite to fight will be best. But soft, ere ye go, have once at Custance house. 110 R. Royster. Soft, what wilt thou do? M. Mery. Once discharge my harquebouse And for my heartes ease, have once more with my potgoon. H i R. Royster. Holde thy handes else is all our purpose cleane fordoone. M. Mery. And it cost me my life. R. Royster. I say thou shalt not. M. Mery [making a mock assault]. By the matte[575] but I will. Have once more with haile shot. 115 I will have some penyworth, I will not leese all.

C. Custance. What caitifes are those that so shake my house wall? M. Mery [with a sly wink]. Ah sirrha[!] now Custance if ye had so muche wit I woulde see you aske pardon, and your selves submit. C. Custance. Have I still this adoe with a couple of fooles? M. Mery. Here ye what she saith? 5 C. Custance. Maidens come forth with your tooles. R. Royster. In a ray. M. Mery. Dubba dub sirrha. R. Royster. In a ray. They come sodainly on us. M. Mery. Dubbadub. R. Royster. In a ray. That ever I was borne, we are taken tardie. M. Mery. Now sirs, quite our selves like tall men and hardie. C. Custance. On afore Trupenie, holde thyne owne Annot, 10 On towarde them Tibet, for scape us they can not. Come forth Madge Mumblecrust, so stande fast togither. M. Mery. God sende us a faire day. R. Royster. See they marche on hither. Tib. Talk. But mistresse. C. Custance. What sayst [th]ou?[577] Tib. Shall I go fet our goose?[578] C. Custance. What to do? 15 Tib. To yonder Captain I will turne hir loose And she gape and hisse at him, as she doth at me, I durst jeoparde my hande she wyll make him flee. C. Custance. On forward. R. Royster. They com. M. Mery. Stand. [They fight; M. hitting R. R. Royster. Hold. M. Mery. Kepe. R. Royster. There. M. Mery. Strike. R. Royster. Take heede. C. Custance. Wel sayd Truepeny. Trupeny. Ah whooresons. C. Custance. Wel don in deede. M. Mery. Hold thine owne Harpax, downe with them Dobinet. H i b 20 C. Custance. Now Madge, there Annot: now sticke them Tibet. Tib. Talk. [against Dob.]. All my chiefe quarell is to this same little knave, That begyled me last day, nothyng shall him save. D. Dough. Downe with this litle queane, that hath at me such spite, Save you from hir maister, it is a very sprite. 25 C. Custance. I my selfe will mounsire graunde[579] captaine undertake, [advances against Roister.] R. Royster. They win grounde. M. Mery. Save your selfe sir, for gods sake. R. Royster [retiring, beaten]. Out, alas, I am slaine, helpe. M. Mery. Save your selfe. R. Royster. Alas. M. Mery. Nay then, have at you mistresse. [pretending to strike Cust., he hits Roist.] R. Royster. Thou hittest me, alas. M. Mery. I will strike at Custance here.30 [again hitting R.] R. Royster. Thou hittest me. M. Mery. [aside]. So I wil. Nay mistresse Custance. R. Royster. Alas, thou hittest me still. Hold. M. Mery. Save your self sir. R. Royster. Help,[580] out alas I am slain M. Mery. Truce, hold your hands, truce for a pissing while or twaine: Nay how say you Custance, for saving of your life, Will ye yelde and graunt to be this gentmans wife? 35 C. Custance. Ye tolde me he loved me, call ye this love? M. Mery. He loved a while even like a turtle dove. C. Custance. Gay love God save it, so soone hotte, so soone colde,[581] M. Mery. I am sory for you: he could love you yet so he coulde. R. Royster. Nay by cocks precious[582] she shall be none of mine. 40 M. Mery. Why so? R. Royster. Come away, by the matte she is mankine.[583] I durst adventure the losse of my right hande, If shee dyd not slee hir other husbande: And see if she prepare not againe to fight. M. Mery. What then? sainct George to borow, our Ladies knight.[584] 45 R. Royster. Slee else whom she will, by gog she shall not slee mee. M. Mery. How then? R. Royster. Rather than to be slaine, I will flee. C. Custance. Too it againe, my knightesses, downe with them all. R. Royster. Away, away, away, she will else kyll us all. M. Mery. Nay sticke to it, like an hardie man and a tall. 50 R. Royster. Oh bones,[585] thou hittest me. Away, or else die we shall. M. Mery. Away for the pashe of our sweete Lord Jesus Christ. C. Custance. Away loute and lubber, or I shall be thy priest. Exeant [Royster and his 'army.'][586] So this fielde is ours we have driven them all away. H ii Tib Talk. Thankes to God mistresse, ye have had a faire day. 55 C. Custance. Well nowe goe ye in, and make your selfe some cheere. Omnes pariter. We goe [!—Exeant Custance's maidens]. T. Trust. Ah sir, what a field we have had heere. C. Custance. Friend Tristram, I pray you be a witnesse with me. T. Trusty. Dame Custance, I shall depose for your honestie, And nowe fare ye well, except some thing else ye wolde. 60 C. Custance. Not now, but when I nede to sende I will be bolde. I thanke you for these paines. [Exeat Trusty.[587]] And now I wyll get me in, Now Roister Doister will no more wowyng begin. 63 Ex.

Sym Suresby my trustie man, nowe advise thee well, And see that no false surmises thou me tell, Was there such adoe about Custance of a truth? Sim. Sure. To reporte that I hearde and sawe, to me is ruth, But both my duetie and name and propretie,[588] 5 Warneth me to you to shewe fidelitie, It may be well enough, and I wyshe it so to be, She may hir selfe discharge and trie[589] hir honestie, Yet their clayme to hir me thought was very large, For with letters rings[590] and tokens, they dyd hir charge. 10 Which when I hearde and sawe I would none to you bring. G. Goodl. No, by sainct Marie, I allowe thee in that thing. Ah sirra, nowe I see truthe in the proverbe olde, All things that shineth is not by and by[591] pure golde, If any doe lyve a woman of honestie,[592] 15 I would have sworne Christian Custance had bene shee.[592] Sim Sure. Sir, though I to you be a servant true and just. Yet doe not ye therfore your faithfull spouse mystrust. But examine the matter, and if ye shall it finde, H ii b To be all well, be not ye for my wordes unkinde. 20 G. Goodl. I shall do that is right, and as I see cause why. But here commeth Custance forth, we shal know by and by.

C. Custance. I come forth to see and hearken for newes good, For about this houre is the tyme of likelyhood, That Gawyn Goodlucke by the sayings of Suresby, Would be at home, and lo yond I see hym I. What Gawyn Goodlucke, the onely hope of my life, 5 Welcome home, and kysse me your true espoused wife. Ga. Good. Nay soft dame Custance, I must first by your licence, See whether all things be cleere in your conscience, I heare of your doings to me very straunge. C. Custance. What feare ye? that my faith towardes you should chaunge? 10 Ga. Good. I must needes mistrust ye be elsewhere entangled. For I heare that certaine men with you have wrangled About the promise of mariage by you to them made. C. Custance. Coulde any mans reporte your minde therein persuade? Ga. Good. Well, ye must therin declare your selfe to stande cleere, 15 Else I and you dame Custance may not joyne this yere. C. Custance. Then woulde I were dead, and faire layd in my grave, Ah Suresby, is this the honestie that ye have? To hurt me with your report, not knowyng the thing. Sim Sure. If ye be honest my wordes can hurte you nothing. 20 But what I hearde and sawe, I might not but report. C. Custance. Ah Lorde, helpe poore widowes, destitute of comfort. Truly most deare spouse, nought was done but for pastance. G. Good. But such kynde of sporting is homely[593] daliance. C. Custance. If ye knewe the truthe, ye would take all in good parte. H iii 25 Ga. Good. By your leave I am not halfe well skilled in that arte. C. Custance. It was none but Roister Doister that foolishe mome.[594] Ga. Good. Yea Custance, better (they say) a badde scuse[595] than none.[594] C. Custance. Why Tristram Trustie sir, your true and faithfull frende, Was privie bothe to the beginning and the ende. 30 Let him be the Judge, and for me testifie. Ga. Good. I will the more credite that he shall verifie, And bicause I will the truthe know een as it is, I will to him my selfe, and know all without misse. Come on Sym Suresby, that before my friend thou may 35 Avouch the same wordes, which thou dydst to me say. Exeant.

C. Custance. O Lorde, howe necessarie it is nowe of dayes, That eche bodie live uprightly all maner wayes, For lette never so little a gappe be open, And be sure of this, the worst shall be spoken[.] Howe innocent stande I in this for deede or thought,[596] 5 And yet see what mistrust towardes me it hath wrought[.] But thou Lorde knowest all folkes thoughts and eke intents And thou arte the deliverer of all innocentes. Thou didst helpe the advoutresse[597] that she might be amended, Much more then helpe Lorde, that never yll intended. 10 Thou didst helpe Susanna, wrongfully accused, And no lesse dost thou see Lorde, how I am now abused, Thou didst helpe Hester, when she should have died, Helpe also good Lorde, that my truth may be tried. Yet if Gawin Goodlucke with Tristram Trusty speake. 15 I trust of yll report the force shall be but weake, And loe yond they come sadly talking togither, H iii b I wyll abyde, and not shrinke for their comming hither.

Ga. Good. And was it none other than ye to me reporte? Tristram. No, and here were [y^at] wished [ye] to have seene the sporte.[598] Ga. Good. Woulde I had, rather than halfe of that in my purse. Sim Sure. And I doe muche rejoyce the matter was no wurse, And like as to open it, I was to you faithfull, 5 So of dame Custance honest truth I am joyfull. For God forfende that I shoulde hurt hir by false reporte. Ga. Good. Well, I will no longer holde hir in discomforte. C. Custance. Nowe come they hitherwarde, I trust all shall be well. Ga. Good. Sweete Custance neither heart can thinke nor tongue tell, 10 Howe much I joy in your constant fidelitie, Come nowe kisse me the[599] pearle of perfect honestie. C. Custance. God lette me no longer to continue in lyfe, Than I shall towardes you continue a true wyfe. Ga. Goodl. Well now to make you for this some parte of amendes, 15 I shall desire first you, and then suche of our frendes, As shall to you seeme best, to suppe at home with me, Where at your fought fielde we shall laugh and mery be. Sim Sure. And mistresse I beseech you, take with me no greefe, I did a true mans part, not wishyng you repreefe.[600] 20 C. Custance. Though hastie reportes through surmises growyng, May of poore innocentes be utter overthrowyng, Yet bicause to thy maister thou hast a true hart, And I know mine owne truth, I forgive thee for my part. Ga. Goodl. Go we all to my house, and of this geare no more. 25 Goe prepare all things Sym Suresby, hence, runne afore. H iv Sim Sure. I goe. Ex. G. Good. But who commeth yond, M. Merygreeke? C. Custance. Roister Doisters champion, I shrewe his best cheeke.[601] T. Trusty. Roister Doister selfe[602] your wower is with hym too. Surely some thing there is with us they have to doe. 30

M. Mery. Yond I see Gawyn Goodlucke, to whome lyeth my message, I will first salute him after his long voyage, And then make all thing well concerning your behalfe. R. Royster. Yea for the pashe of God. M. Mery. Hence out of sight ye calfe, Till I have spoke with them, and then I will you fet[—] 5 R. Royster. In Gods name. M. Mery. What Master Gawin Goodluck wel met And from your long voyage I bid you right welcome home. Ga. Good. I thanke you. M. Mery. I come to you from an honest mome. Ga. Good. Who is that? M. Mery. Roister Doister that doughtie kite. C. Custance. Fye, I can scarce abide ye shoulde his name recite. 10 M. Mery. Ye must take him to favour, and pardon all past, He heareth of your returne, and is full yll agast. Ga. Good. I am ryght well content he have with us some chere. C. Custance. Fye upon hym beast, then wyll not I be there. Ga. Good. Why Custance do ye hate hym more than ye love me? 15 C. Custance. But for your mynde[604] sir, where he were would I not be[.][605] T. Trusty. He woulde make us al laugh. M. Mery. Ye nere had better sport. Ga. Good. I pray you sweete Custance, let him to us resort. C. Custance. To your will I assent. M. Mery. Why, suche a foole it is,[606] As no man for good pastime would forgoe or misse. 20 G. Goodl. Fet him to go wyth us. M. Mery. He will be a glad man. Ex. T. Trusty. We must to make us mirth,[607] maintaine[608] hym all we can. And loe yond he commeth and Merygreeke with him. H iv b C. Custance. At his first entrance ye shall see I wyll him trim. But first let us hearken the gentlemans wise talke. 25 T. Trusty. I pray you marke if ever ye sawe crane so stalke.

R. Royster. May I then be bolde? M. Mery. I warrant you on my worde, They say they shall be sicke, but ye be at theyr borde. R. Royster. Thei wer not angry then[?] M. Mery. Yes at first, and made strange But when I sayd your anger to favour shoulde change, And therewith had commended you accordingly, 5 They were all in love with your mashyp by and by. And cried you mercy that they had done you wrong. R. Royster. For why, no man, woman, nor childe can hate me long.[609] M. Mery. We feare (quod they) he will be avenged one day, Then for a peny give all our lives we may. 10 R. Royster. Sayd they so in deede[?] M. Mery. Did they? yea, even with one voice He will forgive all (quod I) Oh how they did rejoyce. R. Royster. Ha, ha, ha. 13 M. Mery. Goe fette hym (say they) while he is in good moode, For have his anger who lust, we will not by the Roode. 15 R. Royster. I pray God that it be all true, that thou hast me tolde, And that she fight no more. M. Mery. I warrant you, be bolde Too them, and salute them. [advance towards Goodl., etc.] R. Royster. Sirs, I greete you all well. Omnes. Your maistership is welcom. C. Custance. Savyng my quarell. For sure I will put you up into the Eschequer.[610] 20 M. Mery. Why so? better nay: Wherfore? C. Custance. For an usurer.[611] R. Royster. I am no usurer good mistresse by his armes. M. Mery. When tooke he gaine of money to any mans harmes? C. Custance. Yes, a fowle usurer he is, ye shall see els[—] I i R. Royster [aside to M.] Didst not thou promise she would picke no mo quarels? 25 C. Custance. He will lende no blowes, but he have in recompence Fiftene for one,[611] whiche is to muche of conscience. R. Royster. Ah dame, by the auncient lawe of armes, a man Hath no honour to foile his handes on a woman. C. Custance. And where other usurers[612] take their gaines yerely, 30 This man is angry but he have his by and by. Ga. Goodl. Sir, doe not for hir sake beare me your displeasure. M. Mery. Well, he shall with you talke therof more at leasure. Upon your good usage, he will now shake your hande. R. Royster. And much heartily welcome from a straunge lande. 35 M. Mery. Be not afearde Gawyn to let him shake your fyst. Ga. Goodl. Oh the moste honeste gentleman that ere I wist. I beseeche your mashyp to take payne to suppe with us. M. Mery. He shall not say you nay and I too, by Jesus. Bicause ye shall be friends, and let all quarels passe. 40 R. Royster. I wyll be as good friends with them as ere I was. M. Mery. Then let me fet your quier that we may have a song. R. Royster. Goe. G. Goodluck. I have hearde no melodie all this yeare long. M. Mery [to the musicians whom he has called in]. Come on sirs quickly. R. Royster. Sing on sirs, for my frends sake. D. Dough. Cal ye these your frends? 45 R. Royster. Sing on, and no mo words make.

Ga. Good. The Lord preserve our most noble Queene of renowne, And hir virtues rewarde with the heavenly crowne. C. Custance. The Lorde strengthen hir most excellent Majestie, Long to reigne over us in all prosperitie. T. Trusty. That hir godly proceedings the faith to defende,[614] 50 He may stablishe and maintaine through to the ende. M. Mery. God graunt hir as she doth, the Gospell to protect,[615] Learning and vertue to advaunce, and vice to correct.[616] R. Royster. God graunt hir lovyng subjects both the minde and grace, Hir most godly procedyngs worthily to imbrace. I i b 55 Harpax. Hir highnesse most worthy counsellers[617] God prosper, With honour and love of all men to minister. Omnes. God graunt the nobilitie[618] sir to serve and love, With all the whole commontie as doth them behove. 59

Who so to marry a minion Wyfe, Hath hadde good chaunce and happe, Must love hir and cherishe hir all his life, And dandle hir in his lappe.4 If she will fare well, yf she wyll go gay, A good husbande ever styll, What ever she lust to doe, or to say, Must lette hir have hir owne will.8 About what affaires so ever he goe, He must shewe hir all his mynde, None of hys counsell she may be kept fr[o]e,[620] Else is he a man unkynde.12

I mun be maried a Sunday I mun be maried a Sunday, Who soever shall come that way, [I ii] I mun be maried a Sunday.4 Royster Doyster is my name, Royster Doyster is my name, A lustie brute[622] I am the same, I mun be maried a Sunday.8 Christian Custance have I founde, Christian Custance have I founde, A Wydowe worthe a thousande pounde, I mun be maried a sunday.12 Custance is as sweete as honey, Custance is as sweete as honey, I hir lambe and she my coney, I mun be maried a Sunday.16 When we shall make our weddyng feast, When we shall make our weddyng feast, There shall bee cheere for man and beast, I mun be maried a Sunday.20 I mun be maried a Sunday, etc.

Placebo dilexi, Maister Roister Doister wil streight go home and die, Our Lorde Jesus Christ his soule have mercie upon. Thus you see to day a man, to morow[624] John.[625] Yet saving for a womans extreeme crueltie, 5 He might have lyved yet a moneth or two or three, But in spite of Custance which hath him weried, I ii. b His mashyp shall be worshipfully buried. And while some piece of his soule is yet hym within, Some parte of his funeralls let us here beginne. 10 Dirige. He will go darklyng to his grave. Neque lux, neque crux, nisi solum clinke,[626] Never gentman so went toward heaven I thinke.[627] Yet sirs as ye wyll the blisse of heaven win, When he commeth to the grave lay hym softly in, 15 And all men take heede by this one Gentleman, How you sette your love upon an unkinde woman: For these women be all suche madde pievish elves, They wyll not be woonne except it please them selves. But in faith Custance if ever ye come in hell, 20 Maister Roister Doister shall serve you as well. Good night Roger old knave, Farewel Roger olde knave. Good night Roger olde knave, knave, knap. Nequando. Audiui vocem. Requiem æternam.