Volume 153 — PURE ENGLISH.
Reading edition
[A writer in The Daily Express has been discussing the questions where and by whom the purest English is spoken and written, and pronounces strongly in favour of East Anglia, FITZGERALD, BORROW and Mr. CONRAD.]
Once more 'tis discussed What guides we should trust If we wish to write prose to perfection; Is it BORROW or "FITZ," The Times or Tit Bits? And how should we make our selection? Once on NEWMAN and FROUDE We were bidden to brood If we aimed at distinction and purity; And, when we escaped From their influence, aped GEORGE MEREDITH'S vivid obscurity. The remarkable style Of old THOMAS CARLYLE Found many a lover and hater; And precious young men Who made play with the pen Were devoted disciples of PATER. But these idols we've burned And have latterly learned That "distinction"'s an utter delusion; For if you would aim At a popular fame You must cultivate "vim" or effusion. JOSEPH CONRAD (a Pole) Some place on the whole At the top of the tree for his diction; But his style, I opine, Is a little too fine For the average reader of fiction. If you can't be a WELLS, Or aspire to Miss DELL'S Impassioned and fervid variety, You still may attain To CHARLES GARVICE'S strain And leaven Romance with propriety. For democracy shies At the artist who tries To express himself subtly or darkly; And the man in the street In a fair plébiscite Would probably crown Mrs. BARCLAY.
Extract from a sermon:—
"We meet here to-day under circumstances which are not ordinary ... We seem to hear 'the sound of a gong in the tops of the mulberry trees.'"—The Record.
This must be some air-raid warning by the rural police.
"On the roads near by 'a Verdun' signposts have been replaced by new ones reading 'A Glorieux Verdun.' The name of France herself might well be altered to 'Glorieux France.'"—Canadian Paper.
Vive le France!
From a report of the British Cotton-growing Association:—
"The negotiations with the Government for the development of the irritation scheme for the Gezira plain are still under consideration."—The Field.
We trust we shall hear no more of this vexatious project.
A lodging-house keeper at Whitby Saw a couple of Zeppelins flit by; Though she felt a sharp sting, It's a curious thing That she never knew which she was hit by.
"War conditions have given occasion in Germany for the study of an oedema disease (swelling) unknown in peace times. Among the civil population it has been generally located in the feet and legs, and in more than one-half of the cases studied some degree of facial swelling was present."—Daily Paper.
This last symptom is especially noticeable in the case of the KAISER.
"Prior to the meeting [of the Irish Convention] in Cork the members of the secretariat attended in Sir Horace Plunkett's private room, and presented him with a solid ivory chairman's mantle."—Dublin Evening Mail.
But we are glad to state that the proceedings were quite orderly, and that the Chairman did not need this protective garment.