Volume 153 — LEAVES FROM A LONDON NOTE-BOOK.
Reading edition
BY OUR MAN ABOUT TOWN.
(With acknowledgments to some of our Metropolitan penny evening papers.)
Sugar Cards.
A highly-placed official tells me that the discovery that a number of people move about from place to place, that servants sometimes leave their situations, and that households are consequently liable to variation in their personnel, is due to a very smart member of the Sugar Commission, who will be suitably decorated. This discovery, on the very eve of compulsory rationing in other commodities, will mean an immense saving of national funds. Instead of billions, only a few millions of cards will need to be destroyed—a very useful economy.
A Great Mayfair Effort.
The Mayfair Tableaux Association will shortly hold a Fancy Dress Exhibition of Really Beautiful War-workers. The subjects represented will range from CLEOPATRA to BOTTICELLI'S "Primavera," and from SALOME to the Sistine Madonna. Preliminary photographs are about to appear in the Society Press. The particular object of this great sacrifice in the cause of charity has not yet been determined upon, but will be announced in due course.
The Submarine Menace.
No significance should be attached to recent statistics of torpedoed ships in view of public announcements to the effect that the submarine menace has been practically scotched.
International Bolo.
The British Parliamentary Branch of the International Bolo Club indignantly deny that they have received a single pony, or any less sum, from German sympathisers in support of Pacifist propaganda. They generously recognise that Germany's economical straits are even greater than ours, and they would not willingly, even for the sake of a common cause, put a strain upon the resources of their German friends.
Mahenge.
The other day I consulted an old friend on the Imperial Staff as to the pronunciation of Mahenge, the scene of our latest victory in East Africa. From the evasive character of his reply I gathered that my inquiry was of the nature of an indiscretion.
The Cabinet and the "Vicious Circle."
Several members of the Cabinet—the one that doesn't meet—have informed me of their conviction that, in the event of the War lasting on into 1920, there is every prospect of establishing an elementary co-ordination between the various Government departments. Meanwhile they ask me to correct a confusion in the public mind by which the "Vicious Circle" is regarded as a synonym for themselves.
Manhood and Moral.
Every day brings me a sheaf of correspondence in which I am asked to give my opinion as to our prospects of victory in the near future. I have one formula for reply. I refer my correspondents to a recurrent paragraph in The Times under the heading "News in Brief." It runs as follows: "At the close of play yesterday in the billiard match of 16,000 points up, between Inman and Stevenson, at the Grand Hall, Leicester Square, the scores were," etc., etc. After all, the deciding features in the Great World-Struggle will be manhood and moral.
Trotsky's Peace Overtures.
From private sources, which corroborate the information given to the public, I hear that the Spanish Chargé-d'Affaires at Petrograd is the only member of the Diplomatic Corps in that capital who has taken cognisance of TROTSKY'S overtures (which, of course, must be distinguished from TSCHAIKOWSKY'S). I very much doubt if KING ALFONSO had a hand in this, though he has more than once intimated to me his desire for peace.
Lansdowne and Lenin.
What with the aircraft strike at Coventry and the activities of Lord LANSDOWNE, LENIN and others, this has been a great week for Pacifists and Pro-Bosches. In Germany, where the Press has eagerly followed The Daily Telegraph in giving prominence to Lord LANSDOWNE'S views, it is felt that our EX-FOREIGN SECRETARY ought to receive a step in the peerage, with the title Duke of Lansdowne and Handsup.
The Premier Abroad.
In conversation with Mr. LLOYD GEORGE on the occasion of one of his flying visits to England, I learned how much he regretted that pressure of time prevented him while in Italy from running over to Venice and ascending the restored Campanile. While in residence in Paris, however, he had had the pleasure of renewing his acquaintance with the Eiffel Tower.
Browning and Swinburne.
During the dark hour of trial through which Italy has been passing, my thoughts have often strayed to Asolo in the Trevisan, the scene of Pippa Passes, by the late ROBERT BROWNING (whom I knew well). "Italy, what of the night?" wrote my old friend SWINBURNE. "Morning's at seven!" replies Pippa. Those brave words have heartened me a good deal.
O.S.
TO A DACHSHUND.
[About the precise nationality of whose remote progenitor—whether Danish, Flemish, or British through the old English Turnspit—the writer will not stay to argue.]
My faithful Peter, mount upon my knee, And shame me with the patience of your eyes, Till I for divers patriots that be Humbly apologise. Not for the street-boy—him you had for years And, knowing, make allowance for his ways, If hoots of ignorance and stones and jeers Martyr your latter days; But for such shoddy patriots as join The street-boy's manners to a petty mind, And dealing little in true-minted coin Tender the baser kind. For instance, Smith (till lately Gründelhorn), Who meets you with your mistress all alone, And growls a "German beast" with senseless scorn In a (still) guttural tone. And Jones, who owes his mansion to the War And loves to drown great luncheons in champagne, But who, to prove he loves his England more, Strikes at you with his cane. The while Miss Podsnap, who in dogs can brook No name that smacks of Teuton, snatches up, Lest you contaminate it with a look, Her Pomeranian pup. Forgive them, Pete! We are not all well-bred, Not all so wise, so sensible as you; Not all our sires, for generations dead, To British homes were true. Yet, prizing steadfast love and fealty, some The gulf of their deficiencies may span, And learn of you the virtues that become An English gentleman.
We wish Russia wouldn't wash her dirty LENIN in public.
DAVID IN RHONDDALAND.
DAVID. "I'M OFTEN AWAY FROM HOME. HOW DO I GET SUGAR?"
THE MAD GROCER. "YOU DON'T; YOU FILL UP A FORM."
DAVID. "BUT I HAVE FILLED UP A FORM."
THE MAD GROCER. "THEN YOU FILL UP ANOTHER FORM."
Friend (to Cinema Commissionaire, who has received notice). "I'M SERPRISED YOU'RE LEAVIN'. I THOUGHT YOU WAS A FIXTURE 'ERE."
Commissionaire. "IS ANYBODY A FIXTURE IN THESE TIMES? LOOK AT THE TSAR OF RUSSIA, TINO, TIRPITZ, AND THE REST OF 'EM."