Volume 153 — CHARIVARIA.

The announcement of Mr. Justice BRAY that bigamy is rampant at the present time has been drawn to the notice of the FOOD-CONTROLLER, who wishes it to be clearly understood that under no circumstances will the head of a family be allowed a sugar ration for more than one wife.

"I have in my possession," writes a correspondent of The Evening News, "a loaf of bread made by my husband's mother in 1821." This should dispose of the popular belief that nobody anticipated the War except Mr. BLATCHFORD.

Lug-worms are being sold at Deal for five shillings a score. They are stated to form an agreeable substitute for macaroni.

"In China," says The Daily Express, "a chicken can still be purchased for sixpence." Intending purchasers should note, however, that at present the return fare to Shanghai brings the total cost a trifle in excess of the present London prices.

A recent applicant to the Warwickshire Appeal Tribunal claimed that he had captured the German shell-less egg trade. He denied that the enemy had purposely allowed it to escape.

A tramp charged at Kingston with begging was wearing three overcoats, two coats, two pair of trousers and an enormous pair of boots. It seems strange that this man should not have realised that he was in a position to earn a handsome salary as a music-hall comedian.

Owing to a cow straying on the line at Acton Bridge last week a goods train was derailed. It seems that the unfortunate animal was not aware that cow-catchers had been abolished.

It is reported that the two thousand taxi-drivers still on strike have decided to offer their services to Sir AUCKLAND GEDDES for munition work. Suitable employment will be found for them in a high-expletive factory.

In New York a club has been started exclusively for golfers. The others insisted on it.

A notice exhibited in the window of a Bermondsey public-house bears the words, "There is nothing like Government Ale." Agreed.

"Shrimps," says a Southern Command Order, "should not be purchased where a long train journey is involved." For soldiers, however, who require this kind of diet little excursions to the seaside can always be arranged for with the C.O.

At Aberavon the other day the son of an interned German was bitten by a dog which he had kicked by accident. The dog of course did not know it was an accident.

We are the first to record the fact that a dear old lady, the other morning, went up to the Tank in Trafalgar Square and offered it a bun.

We should like to deny the rumour that when he heard of Lord ROTHERMERE's appointment to the Air Ministry Lord NORTHCLIFFE muttered, "Alas! my poor brother."

More bread is being eaten than ever, says the FOOD CONTROLLER. It appears that the stuff is now eaten by itself, instead of being spread thinly on butter, as in pre-war days.

The largest telescope in the World has just been erected at the Mount Wilson Observatory in California. Enthusiasts predict that the end of the War will be clearly visible through it.

Owing to scarcity of petrol several fire-brigades have had again to resort to horses. In consequence people who have fires are requested to place their orders at once, as they can only be dealt with in strict rotation.

The prisoner who escaped from the Manchester Assize Court, after being sentenced to three years' imprisonment, has explained that he was just pretending to be a German prisoner.

An awkward situation has arisen through Mr. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW and Mr. GEORGE MOORE having solved the Irish problem in the same week, as one or the other of them is certain to claim the credit of having his solution rejected.

"Blasting" for tin is being carried on in an experimental station in Cornwall. Similar operations are said to be used in searching for sugar.

"WE'LL NO GANG IN THERE, JOCK."

"FOR WHY, DONAL'?"

"MAN, IT'S GOT AN AWFU' GERRMAN-LIKE NAME, YON."

A Daughter of Lilith.

"Gentlewoman, with tame snake, wants quiet home, suburban family, small garden; no others; no animals."—Melbourne Argus.

"Mrs. —— wishes to recommend a boy (15) who has done well in the pantry."—Eastern Daily Press.

But would Sir ARTHUR YAPP approve?

"Will any generous soul save and buy up a young scholar, foreign (British) aristocracy, by helping him in his first struggle (legal profession)? acceptable only on returnable condition."—Manchester Guardian.

Before starting to save for the above purpose, we should like to know more about this scion of the "foreign (British) aristocracy." We don't want to find ourselves trading with the enemy.

"Canon —— made a strong comment on the Proposal to use the Ulley water for public consumption during his sermon on Sunday morning."—Provincial Paper.

The rev. gentleman cannot believe that his sermons are so dry as all that.

"The undersigned begs to inform the public that a very superior cow will be slaughtered on the 20th evening and exposed on the morning of the 21st for sale."—Madras Mail.

That ought to stop her swanking.

"CAMOUFLAGED ATTACK.

"Paris, Thursday.

"All the newspapers print long accounts of the new offensive, under the heading, 'Great British Victory,' and all agree in assigning the chief honours attack, and the new British method of organ-attack, and the new British method of arganising the offensive in secret."—Provincial Paper.

And very well camouflaged, too.