THE EUPHEMISTS.

Kaiser. "I SAY, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN AWAY THE SURRENDER OF YOUR ARMY CORPS IN THE CAUCASUS?"

Sultan of Turkey. "NOTHING SIMPLER. I SHALL SAY, 'OUR GALLANT TROOPS DETERMINED TO EMBARRASS THE ENEMY'S COMMISSARIAT, AND CARRIED OUT THEIR OBJECT WITH OVERWHELMING SUCCESS.'"

Kaiser. "SPLENDID! COULDN'T HAVE PUT IT BETTER MYSELF."

Sultan. "MY DEAR BOY, WE WERE IN THE BUSINESS AGES AND AGES BEFORE YOU WERE THOUGHT OF."

THE SHIRKER'S WAR NEWS.

"There! what did I tell you? Northdown Lambs beaten—two to nothing."