LETTERS TO HAUPTMANN.
Reading edition
[Gerhart Hauptmann, the German dramatist and poet, has nominated Lord Curzon as Viceroy of England when it becomes a German province.]
If you'd trample on the Briton And secure his just abasement, Well, I think you might have written First to me. (Signed) Roger Casement.
If only as a recompense For my expenditure of jaw And anti-British "common-sense," Why not yours truly, Bernard Shaw?
Would you avoid a bad rebellion? The man for you is Charles Trevelyan.
Since all the Dublin Corporation Protest against my resignation, My long experience vice-regal Might mollify the German eagle If he should nest on College Green. Yours amicably, Aberdeen.
Believe me, Curzon's haughty hand Would lie too heavy on the land; No, to appease the British Isles Appoint yours truly, William Byles.
I fear the freedom-loving British Under Lord Curzon might grow skittish; Far better knit the nations twain Under a more pacific reign: For instance, Brunner's; he's beyond Reproach. Yours ever, Alfred Mond.
Curzon, I own, is not a noodle, But his demeanour is too feudal; Try Alfred Mond: he is a stunner, Affectionately yours, John Brunner.
As I am still without a seat, I'm not unwilling to compete For any post in which there's scope To preach humanitarian hope. You might, of course, secure elsewhere A smarter or a "faster" man, But none in "uplift" could compare With truly yours, Charles Masterman.