WHO WOULD BE AN M.P.?
Reading edition
A Warning to Aspiring Legislators.
Business done.—Appropriation Bill read a Second time.
Friday.—All over. Royal Assent given to Appropriation Bill. Curtain falls on last scene in Act I. of Session 1893; a play in two Acts.
"And whose Session should you say it has been, Toby?" asked Rowton, a man of universal sympathies, and an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
"Mr. G.'s, I suppose. At least, that will be the general verdict. He has outshone himself. Whether you like what he has done or detest it, you must pay homage to the tireless energy, the infinite skill, and the matchless eloquence with which it has been accomplished. Joseph has excelled himself as a Parliamentary force; Prince Arthur has taken a long stride in the direction of establishing himself in position of Leader. These things are obvious, and will be said everywhere. But since you ask me whose Session it has been, I should say it has been Marjoribanks'. It's all very well to have a supreme Parliamentarian leading majority, small but compact. If you haven't got a Whip that can keep them together, who not only has them there on big field night, but always on the spot to repel surprises, where are you? In ordinary times it's comparatively easy to keep the Conservatives in hand, whether in office or out. Out or in the Liberals are skittish. This Session things have been peculiarly critical, as is shown in the cases of Napoleon Boltonparty and the Sententious Saunders. To keep a majority safe and steady at such times requires in a Whip a rare combination of gifts and graces. With the assistance of an excellent team, Marjoribanks has done this. It is a minor Ministerial post, but the service rendered is incalculable. So if you want to name the Session, call it Majoritybanks'."
Expiring Law Continuance Bill passing through Committee.
Business done.—Parliament adjourned till November 2.
Personal Courage.—A Reuter's telegram last week states that "The Brazilian Minister here refuses to be interviewed."
THE JOLLY YOUNG WATERMAIDS.
And have you not read of eight jolly young watermaids, Lately at Cookham accustomed to ply And feather their oars with a deal of dexterity, Pleasing the critical masculine eye? They swing so truly and pull so steadily, Multitudes flock to the river-side readily;— It's not the eighth wonder that all the world's there, But this watermaid eight, ne'er in want of a stare. What sights of white costumes! What ties and what hatbands, "Leander cerise!" We don't wish to offend, But are these first thoughts with the dashing young women Who don't dash too much in a spurt off Bourne End? Mere nonsense, of course! There's no "giggling and leering"— Complete ruination to rowing and steering;— "All eyes in the boat" is their coach's first care, And "a spin of twelve miles" is as naught to the fair.
Theatrical News.—During the absence of Beckett from London, and The Second Mrs. Tanqueray having left town, The Tempter in the Haymarket tried to entice Charley's Aunt from the Globe to go in for A Life of Pleasure at Drury Lane, but The Other Fellow from the Court induced her to go for A Trip to Chicago in The Vaudeville, where he cruelly abandoned her, to take up with La Fille de Madame Angot, at the Criterion. But she soon let him know what A Woman's Revenge at the Adelphi was like, and he sailed away in the Shaftesbury, Morocco Bound, pursued by Don Quixote, who had watched the proceedings from the Strand. The lady who in the meantime had obtained the fortunate talisman of La Mascotte from the Gaiety, was provided by Daly's Company with Dollars and Sense, and is now doing uncommonly well. But the villain, who would have made her his victim, will soon experience the result of Sowing the Wind at the Comedy.
"Subgraduatus Indignans" writes.—"Sir,—Within the last fortnight on one day I find in the Standard that 'seventy degrees were recorded at Cambridge!' How's this? During Long Vacation!! Who conferred these degrees? What degrees? Who got 'em? Where's the Vice-Chancellor? I pause for a reply. P S.—Beg pardon! Find I have overlooked head of paragraph, 'The falling barometer,' &c., &c., so that perhaps I may be in error."
Transcriber's Note Sundry damaged or missing punctuation has been repaired. Corrections are also indicated, in the text, by a dotted line underneath the correction. Scroll the mouse over the word and the original text will appear. Page 149: 'orchesta' corrected to 'orchestra' "orchestra-playing, astronomy, naval and military tactics," 'just as I was going to it report myself!' corrected to 'just as I was going to report it myself!'