Volume 103 — UNOPPOSED ELECTION.

On Saturday last, being the first day permissible under the statute, the nomination of a Knight to serve in Parliament for the Shire of Barks, was held in the county town. The proceedings were marked by a pleasing unanimity, and an outburst of popular enthusiasm which seriously tried the resources of the local police. There was only one candidate—TOBY once more M.P. The nomination paper was signed by Mr. Punch, Mr. GLADSTONE, Lord SALISBURY, and most of the Crowned Heads of Europe.

The Sheriff inquired if it were desired to nominate any other Gentleman. (A Voice—"I should think not!") There being no other response, the Sheriff declared the Hon. Gentleman duly elected, and said he would like to be permitted to forego his fees, if indeed any were due.

In response to loud calls from the assembled crowd, Mr. Punch said he had great pleasure in recommending his young friend to the suffrages of this important constituency. (Cheers.) He called him young, for though he had been on his (Mr. Punch's) establishment for over fifty years, he was very little altered. There were some people who never grew old (A Voice—"Bully for you, Mr. Punch!") and amongst them he might include his faithful follower, whom they had just unanimously re-elected Member for Barks. He trusted that in the future, his young friend would pursue the course honourably followed by him in the past. ("Hear! Hear!") This was the fourth Parliament to which he had been elected, and he trusted it would not be the last. (Cheers.) He might perhaps allude to a rumour current in the ordinary channels of information, which seemed to point to their friend's transference to another place. He had the authority of TOBY, M.P., to say that, as far as his freedom of action is concerned—and Mr. Punch thanked Heaven this is still free England—(loud cheers)—that prognostication would never be realised. The highest honour ever done to his friend, was the selection of him by the men of Barks to represent them in the Commons House of Parliament. (Renewed cheering.) His fullest pleasure was to retain their confidence and to serve them and posterity to the utmost extent of his power and opportunity. (Disturbance at the rear of the hall; cries of "Put him out!" "Sit on 'is 'ead!") Mr. Punch begged they would do no such thing. It would be sure to give way under pressure. (Laughter.) In conclusion, he begged to thank them for the honour they had done his friend, and he might add, themselves.

There were loud cries for TOBY, M.P., but the Hon. Member begged to be excused from making a speech on this occasion. For one reason he shrank from coming into competition in the lists of platform-speaking with his revered friend and Leader. Another thing was, he was really so overcome by the honour just done him, that he could not trust himself to speak. He would write—as soon as the new Parliament met.

After the customary votes of thanks had been carried by acclamation, the new Member was hoisted shoulder-high by the enthusiastic mob, and carried off to his country residence, The Kennel, Barks, where he will remain during the Recess.

THE IMPORTANCE OF EXTERNALS.

"BUT WHY DON'T YOU SEND FOR DR. MASHER, AUNT JANE? HE'S THE CLEVEREST DOCTOR IN THE WHOLE COUNTY!"

"OH, MY DEAR, I COULDN'T! HE DRESSES SO IRRELIGIOUSLY!"

Votes and the Man!

FROM TAPLOW.

First 'Arry. I'll tell you a good name for a Riverside Inn—"The 'Av-a-launch."

Second 'Arry. I'll tell you a better—"The 'Ave-a-lunch." Come along!

WHITE LIES.

Frisky Spinster. "HOW MANY DANCES ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME TO-NIGHT, CAPTAIN WAXHAM?"

Captain Waxham. "OH, I'M SO SORRY, BUT THERE'S NOT ENOUGH MEN, YOU KNOW, AND I'VE JUST BEEN TOLD OFF BY MRS. MASHAM TO DANCE WITH THE GIRLS WHO—A—WHO ARE NOT LIKELY TO GET PARTNERS!"

[Asks the Girl just behind him for three Waltzes and a Polka!