Volume 102 — TO JUSTICE.
Reading edition
(In January.)
Just take a look round, most respectable Madam; New Year's Day is an excellent time for the task, When serious thoughts come to each son of Adam Who dares to peep under Convention's smug mask. Your sword looks a little bit rusty and notched, Ma'am; Your scales now and then hang a trifle askew; A lot of your Ministers need to be watched, Ma'am! Punch isn't quite pleased with the prospect—are you? If one could but take a wide survey, though summary, Of all the strange "sentences" passed in one year By persons called "Justices"—(yes, it sounds flummery) Justice would look like Burlesque, Ma'am, I fear. Excellent subject for whimsical GILBERT, But not a nice spectacle, Madam, for me. Long spell of "chokee" for prigging a—filbert (Given, you bet, by some rural J.P.); Easy let-off for a bogus "Promoter," Helping the ruin of hundreds for gain; Six months for stealing a turnip or "bloater," Ditto for bashing a wife on the brain: Sentences cut to one-twelfth on appealing, Judges and juries at loggerheads quite! Really each day brings some curious revealing, Putting you, Ma'am, in a very strange light. Take my advice, Ma'am, this bright New Year's morning, Give a look up to your agents all round; To some give the sack, and to others a warning; The Public will back up your move, I'll be bound!
GREEK MEETS GREEK.—"What!" exclaimed an indignant scholar, who had not peeped into a Classic for some forty years, "no more compulsory Greek at our Universities! What are we coming to? All I can say is, 'Absit omen'!" "'Scuse me!" replied his friend, who was all for the new learning, "but I should say, 'Absit Homer'!"
SEASONABLE (AND SUITABLE) GOOD WISHES.
To a Card-player A Nappy } New Year to you!
To a Smart Girl A "Snappy"
To a Flirt A "Chappy"
To an Old Maid A Cappy
To an Infant A Pappy
To a Pigeon-shot A Trappy
To an Explorer A Mappy
To a Student A Sappy
To a Cross Child A Slappy
To an aspiring Pugilist A "Scrappy"
To a Spiritualist A Tappy
To a Toper A "Lappy"
To Toby A Yappy
To a Snuff-taker A Rappee
GIFTS FOR THE NEW YEAR.
H-r M-j-sty.—The hearty congratulations of a loyal and united people.
The Pr-nce and Pr-nc-ss.—The most welcome of daughters-in-law.
Prince Alb-rt V-ct-r.—MAY in February.
The Rest of the R-y-l F-m-ly.—The best of wishes from everybody.
L-rd S-l-sb-ry.—A General Election.
Mr. Arth-r B-lf-r.—A Translation from the Irish.
Mr. J. Ch-mb-rl-n.—Promotion.
Sir W-ll-m H-rc-rt.—A Vision of the Woolsack.
The Cz-r of R-ss-a.—A Vision of another sort of Sack.
The G-rm-n Emp-r-r. New toys personally selected.
President C-rn-t.—The compliments of the Marquis of DUFFERIN.
Herr Ibs-n.—A tale without a plot.
Mr. R-dy-rd K-pl-ng.—Quite another story.
The Corporation of L-v-rp-l.—The Freedom of the Grand Old Man.
The Gr-nd Old M-n.—The loss of the Corporation of Liverpool.
And Mr. P-nch.—Tons of material (voluntarily contributed) for the Grand Old Waste Paper Basket.
BOS v. BOSS.
Bos Locutus Est!
[One of the Delegates at the Conference on Rural Reforms said, "We do not want to be bossed by the Parsons"; another, "We don't want soup or blankets, but fair play."]
O GENEROUS gents, who have the "cure of souls," Learn hence that justice wins far more than doles. Blankets and soup Dames Bountiful may give, But what HODGE craves is a fair chance to live On labour fairly paid, not casual boons. SALISBURY's "Circuses," and smart buffoons, Won't move him, by "amusement," from that wish. Parties may mutually denounce or "dish;" But what will win the Labourer for a friend Is Home and Work, without the Workhouse end! Listen! Those who heed not will bide the loss, For Bos locutus est,—against the "Boss"!