Volume 100 / Act 2 — A BACONIAN THEORY;
Reading edition
OR, TRYING IT ON.
SOLOMON isn't in it with Judge BACON. The point was whether Mrs. MANLEY had made Miss DOROTHY DENE's dresses to fit or not. "To fit or not to fit, that was the question." The Judge gave his decision after a fair trial of the two costumes—this might be remembered on both sides as "the trying-on case,"—that, according to the evidence of unimpeachable witnesses represented by the Judge's own common-sense and artistic eye for effect, two of the dresses and a cloak didn't fit, and that so far, the Defendant, Miss DOROTHY, must consider herself, in a dress-making sense, "non-suited." Mrs. MANLEY had, of course, undertaken to provide fits for her customers, and for having partially failed, her customers determined to return the compliment, by "giving her fits" if possible. So the parties came before Judge BACON, and appealed to His Honour. And the learned Judge mindful of ancestral Baconian wisdom, "Cast a severe eye upon the example"—that is, he examined the dresses most critically,—"but a merciful eye upon the person,"—for the fair Plaintiff and fair Defendant His Honour showed himself a most fair Judge, unwilling, as BACON, "to give beans" to either party, and so dismissing them with his beany-diction. But, pauca verba,—and may we always have nothing but praise to bestow on Bacon's Essays.
A DISCLAIMER.
(By an Unionist.)
I "prefer PARNELL"? Oh dear, no! There is no man I've hated so. But, since he turned a fierce derider Of him he calls the "Grand Old Spider;" Since he has "blown" the Home-Rule "gaff," And whelmed the Gladstone gang with chaff; Since he has almost wiped out PIGOTT, Half justified the Orange bigot; Proved part of the Times' charge at least, And won the "Hill-men," lost the Priest;— Since then—why, hang it, 'tis such fun, I half forgive him all he's done; I'll back him, bet on him, and grin; Give him my vote, and hope he'll win. But I prefer him? Goodness gracious! Why can't Gladstonians be veracious?
SIR HENRY LOCH'S "STRAIGHT TIP" TO THE INTRUSIVE BOERS IN MASHONALAND.—"Play us none of your 'treks'!"
HYMEN, FIN DE SIÈCLE.
"MAIDENS MOCKED, WITH LAUGHTER DYING, THOSE FOOL-KNOTS OF HYMEN'S TYING."
HELMUTH KARL BERNHARD VON MOLTKE.
Born, October 26th, 1803. Died, April 24th, 1891.
Strong, silent Soldier, whom the unmarked years Shaped to such service of the Fatherland As seldom to one firm, unfailing hand, A State hath owed; to-day a People's tears Bedew the most illustrious of biers! The waning century hastening to its close Hath scarce a greater on its glory-roll, Hope of thy land, and terror of its foes; Of foresight keen, and long-enduring soul! War's greatness is not greatest; there are heights Of splendour pure mere warriors scarce may scale, But thou wert more than battle's scourge and flail, Calm-souled controller of such Titan fights As mould man's after-history. When thy star Shone clear at Koniggrätz, men gazed and knew The light that heralds the great Lords of War; And when o'er Sedan thy black Eagles flew And the bold Frank, betrayed and broken, drew One shuddering gasp of agony and sank, When thy long-mustered legions rank on rank Hemmed the fair, fated City of men's love, Then thy star culminated, shone above All but the few fixed beacon-lights, which owned A new compeer. Long steadfastly enthroned In German hearts, and all men's reverence, Suddenly, softly thou art summoned hence, To the great muster, full of years and fame! How thinks he, lord of a co-equal name, Thine ancient comrade in war's iron lists, Just left, and lone, of the Titanic Three Who led the Eagles on to victory? Calmest of Captains, first of Strategists. BISMARCK must bend o'er thy belaurelled bier With more than common grief in the unbidden tear!
JOKIM AND JOHN.—The CHANCELLOR of the EXCHEQUER is following Mr. JOHN HOLLINGSHEAD's example. The latter started "No fees" for Play-time, and the former advocates "No fees" for School-time.
A PROP OF THE DRAMA.
"WHAT, BACK ALREADY, ARCHIE! WAS IT A DULL PIECE, THEN?"
"DON'T KNOW. DIDN'T STOP TO SEE. JUST LOOKED ROUND STALLS AND BOXES, AND DIDN'T SEE A SOUL I KNEW!—SO I CAME AWAY."