MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.

Social.

"Just want five minutes' chat with you;" i.e., "He'll give me a cigar and something to drink, and as I've nothing to do for half an hour, this will occupy me pleasantly."

"Yes; I quite understand;" i.e., "I don't know what he is talking about, but he's a bore."

"Wouldn't tell it to anyone but you;" i.e., "This will ensure its circulation."

Platformulars.

"As the Laureate well puts it, in lines that will live for ever;" i.e., "I'm perfectly dead certain I've forgotten the third line of the verse."

"The clock warns me that I am trespassing too long on your patience;" i.e., "Haven't said half of what I meant to say. Why the dickens don't they say, 'Go on!'"

Friendly Comments on Character and Accomplishments.

"She is the most domesticated darling imaginable;" i.e., "A dull, sock-darning dowdy."

"Quite a beauty-man, and nice—to those who like that sort of thing;" i.e., "An awfully handsome fellow, who won't worship me."

"Grim rather at first, but grows upon one wonderfully;" i.e., "He is softening a little beneath my blandishments."

Railroad Amenities.

"Would you like the window up;" i.e., "Hope to goodness she won't, for her patchouli is simply suffocating."

"If you feel inclined for a snack, don't mind me;" i.e.,"The scent of sherry and sandwiches in a close carriage is simply sickening."

Preparing for Private Theatricals.

"I defer to your superior knowledge of stage-effect;" i.e., "Stuck-up know-all! I could play his head off!"

"Well, I fear it's a little out of my line; still if I can do anything to help you, I shall be delighted;" i.e., "What I've longed for for years. Now I shall have a chance of showing what's in me!"

"Bravo, Buffins, dear boy! That little bit of business was really first-rate;" i.e., "If he plays like that I shall shine, if only by contrast."

QUITE A LITTLE BANC(ROFT) HOLIDAY!

Mrs. Bancroft's "Little Play" is very good work. It is called The Riverside; it drew a big Matinée house at the Haymarket last Thursday, and drew big tears. The ladies did enjoy themselves! They were in full cry all the time. Capitally acted. It is rumoured that the gifted authoress, manageress, and actress (all in one), is going to take a company up the river in a House-boat fitted as a Theatre. It is to be called The Thespis, and will visit all the principal places on the river during the Season, and ought to do uncommonly well. The idea is novel. The Company will be called "The Bancroft Water-Babies." À propos of the Busy B.'s, we are authorised to contradict the report that, in consequence of his great success as an arbitrator, Mr. Bancroft is to be made a Deputy-Assistant County Court Judge. This is not so.

The First Roze of Summer.—Our Chirruping Critic off the hearth went to Madame Marie Roze's Concert the other day—advertised as "Grand Morning Concert"—well, it was a "Grand Morning" for the time of year—but why was the Concert "Grand?"—and was delighted. The Chirruper heartily welcomed Miss Grace Damian—more graceful than ever—she sang grandly—of course everyone did on this "grand" occasion—and he nearly split a pair of gloves applauding Mr. Leo Stern in his Grand Violoncello act, for which he was recalled three times, till he was quite tired of bowing and "boo'ing." But the Chirruper would not have it otherwise, "Touch not a single bow," as the song says. And then the flowers! five bouquets for Madame Marie Roze. "The flowers that bloom in the spring, tra la!" as the late firm of Gilbert and Sullivan used to sing and play. À propos of Mr. Gilbert, his protégée, Miss Neilson, whom he was the first to bring out in Brantingham Hall, St. James's, S.W., gave a recitation which made a decided hit; and then she sang a song—accomplished young lady is Miss Julia—which made another hit. The Chirruper wishes to record that—to a quartette "specially arranged for the Meister Glee Singers", called Dinah Doe, and excellently sung, no names were given of either the Shakspearian Librettist, or the Composer, J. L. Molloy, who wrote it for the German Reeds many years ago. It's as fresh as ever, and at this grand concert came out grandly. The Steinway piano was of course a grand.