Volume 98 — TIPS FROM THE TAPE.

(Picked up in Mr. Punch's Own Special City Corner.)

EVER since it became known that, in conformity with the general interest in the condition of the Stock and Share Market, now manifested by all classes of readers, you had determined to start your own special "Corner," for the purpose of keeping your eye on the matter, and had appointed me as your "City Commissioner," if I have been flooded with applications from Stock-jobbers, tendering their advice, I may say I have been literally overwhelmed by applications from clients and outsiders, asking me for mine. With five tapes always on the move, telephonic communication with everywhere, and my telegraphic address of "Panjimcracks," comfortably installed in a third-floor flat in commanding premises, within a stone's throw of the Stock Exchange, I flatter myself that, at least in all the surroundings of my position, I am, acting under your instructions, well up to the mark.

You would wish naturally to know something of the state of the market, and would doubtless like to hear from me, if there is any particular investment that I can recommend as safe for a rise. I have been giving some attention lately to

Patagonian Crocodiles,

but from news that has reached me from a private and most reliable source (I hear that the Chairman and Directors, who have gone off with the balance-sheet have disappeared, and have not been heard of for months) I should strongly advise, if you hold any of it, to get rid of it, if you can, as soon as possible. I have a similar tale to tell about

Hernebay Z's.

This Stock has been run up by purchasers for the fall; and, though in October last it somehow touched 117-3/8, it is now standing at 9-1/4, and, spite the rumours of increased traffic receipts (due to the fact that a family drove up to the station last week in a cab), artfully put into circulation by interested holders, I would certainly get out of it before the issue of the forthcoming Report, which I hear, on good authority, not only announces the payment of no dividend on the Debenture Stock, but makes the unwelcome statement to the shareholders of the prospective seizure of the whole of the rolling stock under a debtors' summons, a catastrophe that must land the affairs of the Company in inevitable bankruptcy. Under these circumstances, I do not think I can conscientiously advise you to "hold;" still, you might watch the Market for a day or two; but, at any rate, take my advice, and get rid of your "Crocodiles."

I subjoin some of my correspondence:—

Dear Sir,—I am in the somewhat embarrassing position of being responsible for £5000 under the marriage settlement of a niece, that, owing to my want of financial knowledge, has, I fear, been somewhat injudiciously, if not absolutely, illegally invested by my Co-Trustee. Though the settlement stipulates that only Government Stocks and Railway Debentures are available, I find that the money at the present moment is thus disposed of:—

PurchasingPresentLast

Security. Price.Price.Div.

£1000Kangaroo Copper Trust 19313-1/8None

2000Bursters' Patent Coffin Company 157 4None

1000Battersea Gold Syndicate 235 7-1/2None

500International Balloon Transit 170 Nil.None

500 Bolivian Spasmodics 194 9-1/8None

You see it is not so much the depreciated value of the Securities, which certainly read well, but the absence of the Dividend which perplexes me. What would be your advice? Should I sell, or continue to hold?

A Puzzled Trustee.

We should certainly hold.

Sir,—Acting on the advice of a friend who is in the Directorate, I have largely invested in the Automatic Hair-cutting Company. Owing, however, to the fact that customers, who will not hold their heads properly, have on several occasions latterly had their ears trimmed, and a pattern cut on their necks, several actions for heavy damages have been brought against the concern. These having been successful in every case, the Company is virtually ruined, and the shares are, in consequence, almost unsaleable. What should I do with mine?

An Anxious Speculator.

Hold. The Company has evidently touched bottom. Wait for the rise.

You will see from the above specimens, taken at random from a heap of others, that I utterly deprecate panic. "Never cut losses" is the wholesome and cheerful advice I give all my clients. There cannot be a doubt about it being thoroughly sound; for it stands to reason if no one were to sell out, no securities would ever fall. So, to nine out of ten who ask my advice I invariably say, "Hold." Though I have several stocks in prospective, the movements of which I am watching most attentively, I have, I confess, hardly got things into proper working order yet, but I have a grand scheme on foot that will, I fancy, take the wind out of the sails of many hitherto successful Stockdealers. In my new system three-and-sixpence will cover £500! Here will be a chance for even the schoolboy to taste the delights of Monte Carlo. But more of this later. Suffice it to say, that I have a "Combination Pool" in my eye, that if I can only carry out with the right sort of stock, ought to make the fortune of every one concerned.

Charles Wynd'em Up.

Theatrical Short Service Bill.—Charles the Second (Wyndham) is following in the footsteps of Charles the First (Mathews) and beginning to play several short pieces as one entertainment, instead of giving a three-act farce or comedy, and one brief and unimportant curtain-raiser. At least, he is Trying It On. How far preferable, in the summer and autumn season, would be an evening bill of fare consisting of three entrées, each of a different character, and all of first-rate quality. The patron of the drama could pick and choose, and be satisfied with an hour, or two hours, or three hours' entertainment. How much better for the actor's art, too, by way of varying his rôles. The stall people would rather pay the present price of half a guinea for anything, however short, which it was the fashion to see, than for a long piece which only bores them. To see short pieces, they might come two or three times instead of once, and the management could make a reduction on taking a quantity.

There is a small fortune waiting for this Charles, or t'other Charles, 'yclept Hawtrey, whichever may take up the idea and work it.

Audi Magistrum Punchium.

WINDOW STUDIES.

The Struggle for Life. (Three Cab-runners after One Small Portmanteau.)]