Volume 159 — THE BEST LAID SCHEMES.
Reading edition
[A contemporary declares that the side-car stands unrivalled as a matchmaker. It would seem, however, that opinion on the subject is not unanimous.]
We motored together, the maiden and I, And I was delighted to take her, For, frankly, I wanted my side-car to try Its skill as a little matchmaker; Though up to that time I had striven my best, I'd more than a passing suspicion The spark I was anxious to light in her breast Still suffered from faulty ignition. We started betimes in the promptest of styles For scenes that were rustic and quiet; I opened the throttle; we ate up the miles (A truly exhilarant diet); Till sharply, as over a common we went, Gorse-clad (or it may have been heather), The engine stopped short with a tactful intent To leave the young couple together. 'Twas instinct (I take it) directing my course That named as my first occupation A fruitless endeavour to track to its source The cause of this sudden cessation; And so I had tinkered with tools for a space Ere I thought of my favourite poet, And said to myself, "Lo! the time and the place And the loved one in unison; go it." I might have remembered man seldom appears Alluring in look or in manner With a smut on his nose, oleaginous ears And frenziedly clutching a spanner; Though down by the cycle I fell to my knees And ported my heart for inspection, I only received for my passionate pleas A curt and conclusive rejection.
"Gentlewoman, good family, small means, musical, devoted to parish work, wishes to correspond with clergyman with view to being 'an helpmeet for him.'"—Church Times.
The Matrimonial News must look to its laurels.
"The Picturedrome, ——, and —— Cinema, have been acquired by a London Syndicate, in which are several gentlemen."—Provincial Paper.
We do not profess to know much about the film-trade, but is this so very unusual?
MANNERS AND MODES.
POST-WAR SIMPLICITY IN BATHING-GEAR.
Urchin (outside Club). "I bet it was the fault of 'im on the right."