THE DYSPEPTIC'S DILEMMA.
Reading edition
[Maté, an infusion of the prepared leaves of the Ilex paraguayensis, or Brazilian holly, long familiar in South America, is coming into fashion in London.]
In happy ante-bellum days, To quote a memorable phrase, "Whisky and beer, or even wine, Were good enough for me"—and mine. But now, in view of heightened taxes And all that grim McKenna axes, I have religiously tabooed All alcohol—distilled or brewed. But "minerals" are now expensive, And, though the choice may be extensive, I find them, as my strength is waning, More effervescent than sustaining. At cocoa's bland nutritious nibs My palate obstinately jibs; And coffee, when I like it best, Plays utter havoc with my rest. Tea is a tipple that I love All non-intoxicants above; But on its road to lip from cup All sorts of obstacles crop up. On patriotic grounds I curb My preference for the Chinese herb, But for eupeptic reasons think The Indian leaf unsafe to drink. Hence am I driven to essay Maté, the "tea of Paraguay," As quaffed by the remote Brazilians, Peruvians, Argentinians, Chilians. My doctor, Parry Gorwick, who Believes in this salubrious brew, Has promised from its use renewal Of my depleted vital fuel. And so I'm bound to try it—still I wasn't born in far Brazil, And find it hard on leaves of holly To grow exuberantly jolly.
A New Reading.
"Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree, after first posing for screen purposes in California, promises to produce his Henry VIII. in New York, with himself as Cardinal Richelieu."
Munsey's Magazine.
"Mr. Birrell in the Dock."
Dublin Evening Mail.
This is quite a mistake. He has only been in the nettles.
"The excitement in the Lobby yesterday was reminiscent of the Irish crisis, Members remaining to discuss numberless humours long after they had risen."
Civil and Military Gazette.
The correspondent who sends us the above extract suggests that the Members in question must have been Scotsmen.
GETTING THE MASCOT ON PARADE. "Come on!" "Gee up!"
"Now, then—" "We'll be late—" Enter the Decoy.
Well away. (Never could stand that dog.)
On parade at last—just in time.
Kindly old Gentleman (distributing cigarettes to soldiers returning home on leave). 'And where's your home, my man?'
Scotsman. "I come fra Paisley—but I canna help that."