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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 150, January 12, 1916

Volume 150 — TO LUCASTA, FROM THE WARS.

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Perusing the epistles I devotedly indite You long, I know, Lucasta dear, to see me as I write; Your fancy paints my portrait framed in hectic scenes of war— I'll try to show you briefly what my circumstances are. Your swain is now a troglodyte; as in a dungeon deep He who so worshipped stars and you must write and eat and sleep; Like some swart djinnee of the mine your sunshine-loving slave Builds airy castles, meet for two, 'neath candles in a cave. Above, the sky is very grey, the world is very damp, His light the sun denies by day, the moon by night her lamp; Across the landscape soaked and sad the dull guns answer back, And through the twilight's futile hush spasmodic rifles crack. The papers haven't come to-day to show how England feels; The hours go lame and languidly between our Spartan meals; We've written letters till we're tired, with not a thing to tell Except that nothing's doing, weather beastly, writer well. So when you feel for us out here—as well I know you will— Then sympathise with thousands for their country sitting still; Don't picture battle-pieces by the lurid Press adored, But miles and miles of Britishers, in burrows, badly bored!

Illustration from Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 150, January 12, 1916

WAR ECONOMY.

Mistress (to chauffeur, who is crawling down-hill). "Why are you driving so slowly?"

Chauffeur (ex-coachman). "Well, Ma'am, you told me to be as economical as possible these times, so I was puttin' the brake on to make the down-'ill last as long as possible."

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