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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 146, February 25, 1914

Volume 146 — CIVIL WAR ESTIMATES.

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(A Ministerial Apology.)

Your talk is vanity, you who lightly vouch That we, indifferent to the country's call, shun A crisis under which the People crouch Like Damocles beneath the pendent falchion; That from our minds, incredibly deluded, Ulster is still excluded. It is not so. All day (between our meals) We find this topic really most attractive; In watches of the night it often steals Into our waking dreams, and keeps us active, Like sportsmen whom the rude mosquito chases, Trying to save our faces. But we have other tasks, and "Duty First" Must be our cry before we yield to Pleasure; Our Annual Estimates must be rehearsed Ere more alluring themes engage our leisure; The Budget's claims are urgent; Ulster's fate Can obviously wait. Besides, no Government should go to war Without the wherewithal to pay for forage, For ammunition and a Flying Corps And cannéd meats to stimulate the courage; And this applies, as far as we can tell, To civil wars as well. For, though our foes confine us to a sphere Of relatively narrow operations, We are advised that they may cost us dear, And therefore, in our coming calculations, As Trustees of the Race we dare not miss To estimate for this. Hence these delays—all carefully thought out. But when from hibernation we emerge on The vernal prime and things begin to sprout, Our Ulster policy shall also burgeon; With sap of April coursing through our blood We too shall burst in bud. O. S.

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