THE INTERESTING CASE OF MR. BRIEFLESS.
Reading edition
I have been requested by a large number of the profession to which I have the honour to belong, to bring a matter of some personal importance before the public in an appropriate manner. It seems to me that I cannot carry out this instruction more judiciously than by communicating with the Editor of a paper representing by universal consent the Bench, the Bar, and the Populace. I am assisted in this task—one of considerable delicacy—by a document that came into my hands at a time when the scheme, now full grown, was in its infancy. It is a note from "Mr. Senior," who presided at my mess in Hall some weeks before the commencement of the present Long Vacation. It speaks for itself:—
"My dear Briefless,—In reply to your letter, 'No, I certainly was not joking.' It is true that we four had got to the third bottle of our after-dinner port; but in that admission I see no reason for assuming that our intellectual faculties had failed us. No; I shall be only too pleased if the proposed Testimonial should become an accomplished fact. To put it tersely, if Athletics are to be rewarded, why should Learning wait? Yours sincerely, ——."
I purposely omit the signature—an influential one—as I have no desire to bring undue pressure to bear in a cause so purely personal to myself. I need scarcely say that a Testimonial, even when it takes the shape preferred by Mr. Micawber, is highly gratifying. But when the matter was first broached, I had serious doubts whether I would maintain the dignity of the Bar if I became a party to the proceedings that would bring it to a successful issue. This being so, I have little hesitation in laying before you this case and opinion. The first—at request—was prepared by myself; the latter was appended by a Counsel whose name, if revealed, would carry great weight, not only with lawyers but the community at large.
Case.
It is proposed to give Mr. A. Briefless, Jun., a Testimonial, which it is intended shall take the shape of a bag of money, in consideration of his services to the Bar. It is in contemplation that this money shall be collected from the human race in general, and the British public in particular. It may be suggested—not that the contention has as yet arisen—that there is something derogatory in a Barrister-at-Law receiving pecuniary assistance from persons other than those of his kith and kin. Mr. A. Briefless, Jun., although enjoying a very considerable practice as things go—he has held no less than three consent briefs during the last five years—is not very wealthy, and it must be admitted that a grant would not be an unwelcome incident in his career. For all that he would shrink from doing anything that might be considered derogatory to his title of "esquire"—a distinction that he not only holds as his father's heir, but by the usage of his office.
You are requested therefore kindly to say—
1. Can Mr. A. Briefless, Jun., receive a Testimonial of a bag of money without laying himself open to the charge of being an accessory before and after the fact of an act of maintenance?
2. Assuming that there is nothing in the first suggestion, will Mr. A. Briefless, Jun., in accepting the sum of money it is proposed to hand to him, be guilty of an act of contributory negligence, bringing about a loss of dignity to the Bar?
3. Should there be nothing in the latter suggestion, is it desirable that, instead of a bag of money, the Testimonial should take the shape of a golden snuff-box, a service of plate, or some equally costly article? It is strongly urged that, if practicable, this course should not be advised, as such articles are invariably embarrassing.
And to consult and advise generally.
Opinion.
I do not think that the reception of a bag of money by Mr. A. Briefless, Jun., would amount to maintenance. But it would be advisable that the learned gentleman should undertake not to use any of the sum in defraying costs.
As the ancient manner of paying counsel was to drop an honorarium into the bags worn at the back of their robes, I can see nothing derogatory to the profession in Mr. A. Briefless, Jun., accepting the proposed Testimonial.
I do not see that a distinction can be drawn between coins of the realm and their equivalent. Both are equally acceptable. If Mr. A. Briefless. Jun., prefers cash to snuff-boxes, there is no reason why he should not receive the former in preference to the latter.
I would advise that the Testimonial be collected at once, and presented as quickly as possible.
(Signed) ——.
I have nothing further to say beyond hinting that the project has already been taken up with a fair amount of enthusiasm. Many firms of manufacturers have expressed a desire to send subscriptions (which they wish to see published in the daily papers) on the score "that they have been happy enough never to have had cause to avail themselves of my valuable professional services."
And now I must apologise for so lengthy a contribution. I have nothing to add, save that should a Testimonial be organised, I shall be glad were the subscriptions fixed at £1 3s. 6d. Out of that sum I should, of course, deduct half-a-crown as an appropriate recognition of the services of my admirable and excellent clerk, Mr. Portington.
(Signed) A. Briefless, Jun.
Pump-handle Court, September 9, 1895.
THE TURTLE-DOVE OF PEACE; OR, THE LORD MAYOR IN FRANCE.
["Sir Joseph Renals said he hoped his visit would serve to dissipate the idea that there was a spirit of hostility towards France in England. If he succeeded in removing that misunderstanding, he considered he would have rendered a great service to his country."—Westminster Gazette.]
A CONTINENTAL TRIP.
First Man (tasting beer). "Hullo! I ordered Lager. This isn't Lager!"
Second Man (tasting). "No; but it's jolly good, all the same!"
Third Man (tasting). "C'est magnifique! mais ce n'est pas Lager-r-r!"
HAPPY HARROGATE.
(A Traveller's Thank-Offering.)
Faith! I feared I was bound for that general bourne, which we all must approach through one narrow gate, But, oh! once again I have felt heart and brain hurried up by the waters of Harrogate. (Here's jolly good luck to them!) Doctor Black of that place of my bothersome case did not make a muddle or mull, for, I owe strength of limb, heart and stomach, to him, and those terrible doses of sulphur! (And stoutly I stuck to them.) And true gratitude rules at present my mood (though gratitude's rather a rarity), And that's why I'd say just a good word to-day for an excellent Harrogate charity, (A regular A-Wonner!) That fine Yorkshire Home for Incurables! Come, ye who've got from the sulphur springs benefit, And put in your "mite" in the slot, which will quite hold a pound, yet a shilling or penny fit. (You just ask the "Stunner!") The Duchess of Devonshire opened the fête and bazaar, driving over from Bolton, The Abbey, you know, a most picturesque show, which the tourist has got a firm "holt" on, (I use the vernacular!) Her Grace by her kirtle had good Dr. Myrtle, who unto the Tykes introduced her, And when that she pleaded for funds sorely needed I hoped there were few who refused her. (That's neat and oracular!) The good Yorkshire Post says the Home may well boast of much honoured names as subscribers, And Alderman Fortune (appropriate name!) and Savery (two blameless bribers Of folks to do duty) Spake up for the Home. Shall poor invalids roam, in pain, and alone and untended, When at brave Harrogate it may be their kind fate to be doctored, and fed, and befriended? (By Wisdom and Beauty!) Doctors Myrtle and Solly, it makes me feel jolly—by sulphur wells made sulphur weller— To say a good word! Mr. Joshua Whitworth—Hon. Sec.—is "a jolly good feller" (And so's Miss M. Smith). The Leeds Engineers' Band was all there, gay and grand, and Sir—what was it?—ha!—Matthew Dodsworth, Not lengthily clatters about such Home matters, he knows what a wink or a nod's worth (In point there is pith). Oh, Myrtle! Oh, Black! Should I ever come back to that doctor-ruled, sulphur-drenched region, May potions and baths, and those brisk plateau-paths cure my pains as before, though they're legion (And spare me that narrow gate). But—here's to that Home for Incurables! Rome was not built in a day, so they tell us, But Charity always beginneth at home, and I'd say, if Bath will not be jealous— That Home is—at Harrogate!
Q. E. D.
[Mr. Chamberlain said that Sir E. Ashmead-Bartlett "appeared to be intellectually incapable of distinguishing between charges and proof."]
What, only just found out that fact? As soon expect sense from Dame Partlet As reason, in speech or in act, From rash, indiscriminate Bartlett. In foreign affairs he's a ferret, But sense from his "charge" holds aloof; For all know that Silomio's spirit, Is many degrees above "proof"!
We hear that the salmon-fishing season on the Dee has been a satisfactory one. Some especially good sport was obtained in a pool "near Overton Bridge where the fish collected, when unable, owing to the lowness of the water, to get over the weir." Notwithstanding an equal inability of Members "to get over the Weir," there was not much sport during the recent Session "near Westminster Bridge."