A BATTLE IN A SODA-WATER BOTTLE.
Reading edition
It appears that the enterprising commanders of the Royal Artillery stationed at Dover have recently been getting themselves disliked by the members of the National Alliance of Mineral Waters Associations (Limited), by producing gaseous waters at the canteen under their control, and offering them for sale to their comrades in garrison. According to a story laid before the Secretary of State for War, the representatives of the scientific branch of the army in question have had dealings with the gallant West Surrey and the equally gallant West Riding, much to the disgust of the trading producers of non-alcoholic compounds. The 3rd Battalion of the King's Own Rifle Corps (late 60th) are also at Dover, but there is no evidence to show that these warriors have preferred "R. A. aërateds" to brands as yet better known to the consumers of effervescing drinks. According to the Daily Telegraph, this labour, savouring more of peace than of war, enabled the controllers of the cannon to contribute some £40 in prizes to the garrison sports held at Dover on Saturday last. Whether the financial game was worth the athletic candle is a matter that must be decided by military experts qualified to weigh the respective advantages of burning "villainous saltpetre" and preparing that exhilarating liquid known amongst civilians as "fizzle." Admittedly, lemonade and its companion "ginger pop" when they scintillate are grateful drinks, but it would scarcely be advisable if through the, no doubt, well intentioned efforts of those concerned, the Royal Artillery gained an equally appropriate but less impressive designation. It would indeed be a sad thing if it ever became necessary for some General to have to sing out, "Here, you Sir, in command of those Royal Ginger Popgunners, limber up your soda-water manufacturing apparatus and retire at the gallop to the canteen in the rear!" Such a direction, if delivered in the piping time of peace would sound incongruous, and might predict disaster if uttered in the hideous hour of war.
THE CRICKET THREE.
Great Grace to young Maclaren yields his place, And Rangitsinhji follows after Grace. Mid Harrow's noblest sons let Mac be reckoned, Who tops the list with such a mighty second. And well I know that Ranjit's fame will stand Firm and secure on India's coral strand. Oft have I seen upon the level sward That's owned, or used to be, by Mr. Lord, While countless thousands, watching ball and bat Rang out loud cheers and waved th' applausive hat, Oft have I seen that cricketer or this Bat, bowl, or field, or catch (or even miss), And oft, astounded by some piece of play, Have marked with letters red th' auspicious day; Yet ne'er before three heroes have I seen More apt and splendid on the well-rolled green; Men of one skill, though varying in race, Maclaren, Ranjitsinhji, Grand Old Grace.
Old Saw Re-set.
Mr. George Nathaniel Curzon May be a "superior purzon," But Mr. Tommy Gibson Bowles Is the sturdiest of souls; And "those who at Bowles will play Must expect rubbers,"—so men say!
MUCH ADO.
"Mamma-a-a! Boo-hoo! We's crying! Tum up 'tairs an' see what's de matter wiv us!"
THE LAY OF THE LANCASHIRE LASS.
["What will Lancashire think to-day when she reads the declarations of Lord George Hamilton and Mr. A. J. Balfour?"—Leeds Mercury.]
Oh, was it for this that I rushed to the poll To register votes for the Tories? When they told me repeal was the Unionist goal, Were they tales of (Stan) hope, or mere stories? The snare of the Fowler they'd help me to scape They vowed—on each Lancashire platform. But Indian Finance their excuse? A poor jape! I thought they would rise above that form! Oh, Arthur, oh, Georgie! Reeds broken and rotten I fear you are both, on reviewing it. You hinted at taking those duties off cotton, You don't seem to cotton to doing it! And now, when I'm trying your pity to move, Why seem you so deaf to my prayers? Perhaps you are bound to dissemble your love, But oh!—must you kick me down stairs?
That excellent association, the Society of Women Journalists, has just issued its first annual report. From this interesting document, the world learns that the members have derived many benefits from a body that could justly adopt the motto of "Defence, not Defiance." The institution very properly claims for the authoress the right to receive no wrong.