TWO WAYS OF DOING IT.
Reading edition
First Way.
From the Representative of Her Britannic Majesty's Government to the —— Minister for Foreign Affairs.
January 1, 18-0.
I have the honour to inform your Excellency that I am instructed by the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs that Her Britannic Majesty's Government has reason to complain of the conduct of the Government of which your Excellency is the representative. I have the honour to say that it will be advisable for your Excellency to urge upon the Government of which your Excellency is the representative the necessity of inquiry into the matter as speedily as possible. I have further the honour to add that it will be gratifying to Her Britannic Majesty's Government if the Government of which your Excellency is a representative will give the matter to which I refer the earliest attention.
From the Representative, &c., to the —— Minister, &c.
January 1, 18-1.
I have the honour to call the attention of your Excellency to the long and unsatisfactory correspondence that has passed during the last year between your Excellency as representing the Government of which you are the representative and the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs upon the matter of the despatch I had the honour to forward to your Excellency dated January 1, 18-0. I am directed to have the honour of requesting your Excellency to urge upon the Government of which your Excellency is a representative the necessity of a speedy settlement of the matter in dispute.
From the Representative, &c., to the —— Minister, &c.
January 1, 18-2.
I have again the honour to call the attention of your Excellency to, &c. &c.
(Rather longer than the foregoing one. Then follow two more "from the same to the same" in 18-3 and 18-4. This is the first way.)
SECOND (AND SHORTER) WAY.
From British Admiral to —— Minister.
January 1, 18-5, 12 Noon.
If you don't pay up within a quarter of an hour, I will bombard your capital, seize your country, and imprison the Government of which you are the representative.
From —— Minister, &c., to British Admiral.
January 1, 18-5, 12.10 P.M.
Don't fire. Have sent money demanded by P.O.O.
The Predominant Partner.
'Tis to the "New National Party," 'tis clear, That Chamberlain swears his affiance. The Triple Alliance? Why, no, 'twould appear The third, and predominant partner, is Beer, So let's call it "The Tipple Alliance."
Our Booking-Office.—To all, and especially to all travellers, on account of its portable size, the Baron begs to recommend a charming novelette written by Guy Boothaby, entitled A Lost Endeavour, published by Dent of Aldine House. When Mr. Guy Boothaby brings out another story equal to this, the Baron will be delighted to draw public attention to it by saying, "Here's another Guy—Boothaby."
An awful Monster recently let out in a Church!—A second-hand sermon with eight heads.
Motto for the Lord Chief Justice.—"Quantum snuff."