ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday, November 27.—Another night with Parish Councils Bill, dull as usual, save for one thrilling moment. Happened just before dinner. Henry Fowler accepted Amendment making responsible for expenses or damage those who had summoned meetings in Parish School. Sudden tumult below Gangway in Radical camp; Question put from Chair that Amendment be added to Bill. Logan raised stentorian shout of "No!" Chairman repeated Question; hubbub increased; amid it Logan seen waving arms aloft like windmill that had suddenly remembered an appointment. Mellor's face grew a shade mellerer, not to say paler. Set his lips, and there was a gleam in his eye reminiscent of Beerbohm Tree's when seated on the gargoyle of Canterbury Cathedral. On memorable night in summer-time Logan had taken him at disadvantage. Had executed flank movement, and so almost come down on Carson's knee on Chairman's left rear. Now, if he meant business, he would catch the Chairman's eye; and probably something else.

During interval when House cleared for division Acland, who, having a holiday, has been out helping Fowler, left Treasury bench; cautiously but nimbly crossed gangway; amid buzz of admiration from assembly that ever admires personal courage, entered the Logan's den. Sat down in very midst of excited Radicals; proposed to argue matter out. Effect upon Logan maddening. Windmill remembered another appointment more pressing than the last. Members, anxious for Acland's safety, looked round for Hayes Fisher. The Logan Tamer not in his place; sand rapidly running out of glass on table; another minute question would be put again; if Logan insisted division must be taken, split manifested in Ministerial ranks, and a quarter of an hour wasted. Acland, undaunted, pegged away persuasively; windmill still went round, but less furiously; half a minute and last sands would run out.

Logan glanced towards table; Chairman's glittering eye fixed upon him. Effect magical. Logan slowly rose and walked towards Bar; crowd thronging in at sound of division bell respectfully opened their ranks as he approached. Like accomplished husband in case that recently occupied attention of Sir Francis Jeune, Logan "can use 'em a bit." Suppose he were to begin promiscuously with the crowd at the Bar! Had no such intention. At other side of the Bar he was technically out of the House. What others did whilst he stood there would leave no sear on his conscience. When question was put again, and Chairman declared "The Ayes have it," there was no responsive angry shout of "No!" The crisis was passed, but what it cost the Chairman, and how it would have been but for Acland's fearless foray, who can tell?

Business done.—Reached Clause VI. Parish Councils Bill.

AN INFLUENZIAL HOUSE OF COMMONS.

Tuesday.—The Man from Shropshire in great form to-day. Original Mr. Gridley was, according to records of Court of Chancery, accustomed to haunt the Court, and, at close of day's proceedings, address the Chancellor. Stanley Leighton knows no such limitation. 'Tis true he is generally found on his legs at moment of adjournment, shouting and gesticulating, whilst suborned and iniquitous Ministerialists (answering to tipstaves in Court of Chancery) howl him down. That only an incident in day's proceedings. Our Man from Shropshire begins as soon as his Lordship—I mean the Chairman—takes his seat. At brief intervals, which make openings for Tomlinson, our Mr. Gridley is at it all through the sitting of the Court.

To-night Henry Fowler took mean advantage of the suitor. That person had amendment on paper which if added to Bill meant nothing worse than surplusage. Rising from his usual place at back of Court, he began prodigious speech in support of amendment. Expected, in accordance with usage, to go on for quarter of an hour or twenty minutes; Fowler would say couldn't accept Amendment; Tomlinson would talk for quarter of an hour; perhaps Cap'en Tommy Bowles, having clapped the pilot in irons, would put in an oar; and Hanbury might say a few words. Then Walter Long or Hicks-Beach would rise from Front Opposition Bench, protest fullest appreciation of Amendment, declare it indispensable to success of Bill, but in circumstances, observing obstinacy of Minister, and impatience of gentlemen below Gangway opposite, advise hon. friend not to press it. The Man from Shropshire would make another speech, thanking right hon. friend for his remarks, in deference to which he will withdraw, although——

The Persuasive Acland and the Pugilistic Logan.

Here another speech, about as long as the distance from Shrewsbury to Wem. Thus an hour pleasantly and agreeably disposed of, Man from Shropshire takes breath, not that he wants it; a little later, comes up frowning with another Amendment, or a rambling speech in support of one moved by Tomlinson.

Fowler's strategy deprived him of this accustomed round of luxury. But if President of Local Government Board thought he had circumvented The Man from Shropshire he was as mistaken as the Chancellor in another court who used to stare at the ruined chancery suitor and blandly protest that, legally, he was unaware of his existence. Charm of speeches by Member for Oswestry division of Shropshire is their illimitable adaptability. Will suit any purpose, any opportunity. If not delivered at opening of sitting upon his own Amendment, will come in admirably on somebody else's Amendment to another line of Clause dealt with at later hour by another member. Thus, when Griffith-Boscawen delivered prodigious oration in presenting Amendment standing in the name of Hulse, The Man from Shropshire, bounding to his feet, waved his arms, and in them caught the Chairman's eye. A priceless opportunity this. To deliver your own speech prepared for your own Amendment a commonplace performance. To deliver it either for or against (doesn't matter which) an Amendment moved by another man, on behalf of a third man, is a luxury to be appreciated only by a gourmet.

The Man from Shropshire audibly smacks his lips over it. The other noise you hear is baffled Henry Fowler grinding his teeth.

Business done.—Reached Clause VII. Parish Councils Bill.

The Shropshire Windmill.

Thursday.—Some people inclined to regard as sufficient an arrangement that keeps them sitting day after day from three o'clock in afternoon to midnight listening to talk about Parish Councils. Others want a little more. Channing suggests House shall sit on Saturdays, and, on four days a week, shall commence business at noon, putting in a twelve hour day. Barrow assents to that, but thinks twelve o'clock Rule should be suspended, so that, for fuller luxury, House meeting at noon may, an' it please, sit all night. No one yet proposed to sit on Sunday and Christmas Day; that will follow as natural consequence. The Man from Shropshire, breaking out in fresh place, joins in conversation. Asks Mr. G. if he is aware that scores of Members are ill through overwork, and whether, instead of lengthening sittings, he will not rather shorten them.

Expected when Mr. G. rose he would make obvious retort that since Bill has been in Committee there is not single sitting that might not have been shortened by at least an hour if The Man from Shropshire had restrained his tendency to irrelevant babble. Mr. G. leaves that unsaid; is very firm about sitting till all necessary business is done; conditionally promises Saturday sitting; announces meeting of Cabinet to consider measures for expediting Bill. After this go into Committee, and succeed in not expediting progress. Night unspeakably dull.

Business done.—Reached Clause IX. Parish Councils Bill. Disposed of eight Clauses in eleven sittings. This leaves sixty-three more, not to mention new Clauses. If it takes eleven sittings to clear off eight Clauses, at what date, assuming same rate of progress, shall we be through a Bill that contains seventy-one? Small boys thinking of coming home for Christmas holidays please do this sum.

Friday.—Pretty to see Mr. G. just now explaining to Opposition that if they weren't good boys they'd be kept in to-morrow. Not that he put it in that coarse way. Storey, coming to his assistance in task of directing business of House, had, as Mr. G. put it with a positive pang of pain in his voice, invited him to assume attitude of censor of proceedings in Committee on Parish Councils Bill.

"That," said Mr. G., with an effort recovering himself, "I am not entitled to do." All he had to say was that under present Standing Orders a Saturday Sitting would naturally follow unless a Minister interposed with Motion preventing it. Marjoribanks sitting by his side was looking forward anxiously to pleasure of making such a Motion. It would be cruel disappointment to an amiable man if circumstances so shaped themselves as to forbid him the pleasure and gratification of rising on stroke of midnight and moving that House do adjourn till Monday. But—here Mr. G. shook his head and his voice thrilled with infinite pathos—business must be done. If, in short, Committee passed 9th and 10th Clauses of Bill, Marjoribanks would move adjournment till Monday. "If unfortunately," he added, "any miscarriage should occur he would not be in a position to make the motion." Squire of Malwood half rose from his seat as if to catch the drooping figure of his right hon. friend overcome with emotion. But Mr. G., waving him off, sank slowly back into his seat and shudderingly closed his eyes, as if to shut out picture of gentlemen opposite spending Saturday in further consideration of Parish Councils Bill. Goschen said it was too large an order. Couldn't possibly be done in the time. But it was.

Business done.—Got up to Clause X. and nearly finished it.

Transcriber's Note: Page 265: 'advertisment' corrected to 'advertisement'. "... a picture which seems to be an advertisement of somebody's shirts?" The correction is also indicated, in the text, by a dotted line underneath the correction. Scroll the mouse over the word and the original text will appear. (For some reason, in IE browsers, the normal link from the first image on Page 269 to its enlargement does not work. Sometimes left- or right-floating images can have link problems, though usually a partial link is available. Other browsers do not seem to be affected. A discreet supplementary link has been added for users of IE browsers.)